Venting Made the mistake of looking in a mirror

[ikadasui]

God damn did that ruin my mood for the night. I can't stand this body or skin. I've always hated my appearance for as long as I remember, and after developing bulimia and destroying my mouth I live in constant pain and regret. My method will most likely be a gun since I don't have the resolve to hang myself, and I'm too stupid to figure out how sn works or obtain it. In a way the gun method soothes me since. What I hate is my appearance most of all and the gun will completely obliterate that which I despise the most. Pretty gruesome to think about, but it makes me feel slightly better.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I avoid looking at the mirror at all cost. Unfortunately i have to do it dvery 10 days or so to shave and trim my beard and that leaves me with alot of despair for the next couple of days until I forget about it. Not being okay with the way you look is a major blow to self esteem. It is definitely on my top 5 reasons to want to ctb. Im glad for mask wearing as I dont worry much now about what people think of my face when i go outside. I hate this body with passion

 

[TheHatedOne]

I feel ya, I absolutely despise my grotesque looks and if I had acid I'd pour lots of acid over it. It caused me so much suffering.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

The last time I looked in a mirror my reflection flipped me the bird!!!

 

[ikadasui]

I avoid looking at the mirror at all cost. Unfortunately i have to do it dvery 10 days or so to shave and trim my beard and that leaves me with alot of despair for the next couple of days until I forget about it. Not being okay with the way you look is a major blow to self esteem. It is definitely on my top 5 reasons to want to ctb. Im glad for mask wearing as I dont worry much now about what people think of my face when i go outside. I hate this body with passion

I don't even do that anymore sadly. I just do it in the shower and deal with any cuts, though after all these years I've gotten quite good at minimal damage. Yeah though my self esteem is non existent and I somehow have a gf(ld). I've only sent one picture so far, but I dread the day she ask for more since I suffer from p bad acne. I managed to take a shot during one of my better periods so I feel like I'm deceiving her... it's really rough out here

 

[Atraxa]

Relatable. My beard at this point is just due to lack of care. The black circles around my eyes make me look like I'm permanently beaten and my goofy teeth are now fucked goofy teeth through years of smoking, high sugar intake and meth use. At this point the only way I'd be fixed is if I somehow came into alot of money. On the rare occasion a girl shows interest I just say no regardless because I'm not worth anyone.

 

[ikadasui]

I feel ya, I absolutely despise my grotesque looks and if I had acid I'd pour lots of acid over it. It caused me so much suffering.

Really should be criminal for people with mental illness and bad looks to procreate. Here's a shitty life you didn't ask for, but hey guess what you're stuck with the bill now gl!

 

[TheHatedOne]

Really should be criminal for people with mental illness and bad looks to procreate. Here's a shitty life you didn't ask for, but hey guess what you're stuck with the bill now gl!

yeah, it's one of the thousands reasons I'm an antinatalist and won't pass on the curse that they call ''the gift of life''.

 

[ikadasui]

LITERALLY! cannot cope with how hideous I am. It's fucking insane!!! I'm adopted too so I don't even get to look upon the diseased creatures that spawned me either. I have no outlet for that rage, maybe if I could tell my real parents how much I hate them I'd feel some form of closure, but after all my attempts to track them down it's a case gone cold. It blows my mind how anyone could be so much of a genetic dead end and still have a fucking child. Irredeemable scum.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

LITERALLY! cannot cope with how hideous I am. It's fucking insane!!! I'm adopted too so I don't even get to look upon the diseased creatures that spawned me either. I have no outlet for that rage, maybe if I could tell my real parents how much I hate them I'd feel some form of closure, but after all my attempts to track them down it's a case gone cold. It blows my mind how anyone could be so much of a genetic dead end and still have a fucking child. Irredeemable scum.

I too was adopted, at 7-weeks of age to a farming couple who just wanted a cheap waged farmhand! They rejected me and banished me from the family home at the age of 17yrs, because l was outspoken and questioned their harsh treatment of me, What had l done to deserve being treat that way? l left their farm and got a job at another farm 25 miles away, at 18 l met my soulmate and got married 6 months later, all was well for 2 years then a drunk driver caused me to spin off the road and my Capri 2.8i flipped and rolled 3 times and stopped half in/out a ditch, my wife was killed instantly,l had a broken finger on my left hand and a twisted ankle! 6 months later l joined the army and became a infantry sniper, l survived Afghanistan and Bosnia, l got a silver star! Was l Cursed at birth? Was l just unlucky? I don't know, but l do know l do not and will not trust people ever again! Your 100% Right people are Vile Scum who will pretend to be your friend then Stab you in the back for any reason that suits them!

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot stand looking in mirrors. I just look ill. Of course my ugliness matches how I feel on the inside, for me it would feel wrong if I was physically beautiful. I hope you find peace, it really is painful being alive.

 

[Sittichmutter]

 

[Idontmatter]

I cannot stand looking in mirrors. I just look ill. Of course my ugliness matches how I feel on the inside, for me it would feel wrong if I was physically beautiful. I hope you find peace, it really is painful being alive.

I avoid mirrors as much as possible

 

[chocolatebar]

I too can`t stand to look at mirrors. I haven't seen myself for years and I don't even know how my creature looks physically to the others who see me

 

[Someone123]

One factor to consider is that maybe 25 - 25% of gun suicide attempts fail and of this many result in a lot of disfigurement. An estimated 30% of hanging attempts fail, a little higher, but if they fail they generally don't result in disfigurement. Based on the threads on this website most of the failed hanging attempts are partial suspension- with full suspension it seems a lot more reliable. Most people who have a failed attempt using full suspension are near a wall or door and so their body bangs against this and this alerts someone who pulls them down. If I end up trying full suspension the plan would be to zip tie a 7 foot long heavy metal bar across the top of two 7 foot high plastic shelving units in the middle of a room- that way there is nothing to bang into for a couple feet at least in both directions, because your limbs will spasm some as they lose oxygen and thew muscles die. I am still looking for other options to have even more space in each direction. I would probably duct tape my legs together so they don't kick around too much. So far I can't find a longer bar that can be reliable for holding the weight.

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

I'm sorry for the question, but how did you get a girlfriend if you don't have self-esteem/confidence? (Sorry if I sounded offensive or ironic).

 

[ikadasui]

I'm sorry for the question, but how did you get a girlfriend if you don't have self-esteem/confidence? (Sorry if I sounded offensive or ironic).

Honestly I'm scared to say too much on that. It's HIGHLY unlikely she'd ever find out I wrote about it, but there's still a small chance and if I did obvs it would give away who I am to her. I will say tho that I don't know... first time we talked resulted in a no, we stayed in contact and about a month later we got together. I'm still horribly insecure though and I have a feeling it will push her away eventually...