C
cantdecidenameeven
Member
- Oct 2, 2024
- 13
Closeted ex-muslim. Mom nags me to pray everyday, and a few minutes ago, she told me in a very shaky/almost crying voice that she only does that because she loves me, and is fearful I'll end up in hell for eternity. And that she goes to bed very sad everyday over me. I believe her.
If I were a better son I would've at least put on an act to make her feel better. But I just don't have it in me no more.
Acting requires much energy that I no longer posses. I can't even brush my teeth most days.....to do this dance 5 times a day forever is exhausting to even think about.
Even when I was a Muslim and believed in hell, I STILL couldn't bring myself to pray most days. It was like climbing a mountain while chained to the deep bottom of the ocean.
I have to mask even at my own home. I'm suffocating.
If I killed myself, everyone who was forced to love me will spend the rest of their days knowing I'm in hell. how can one cope with that? religion is cruel and I'm trapped.
If I were a better son I would've at least put on an act to make her feel better. But I just don't have it in me no more.
Acting requires much energy that I no longer posses. I can't even brush my teeth most days.....to do this dance 5 times a day forever is exhausting to even think about.
Even when I was a Muslim and believed in hell, I STILL couldn't bring myself to pray most days. It was like climbing a mountain while chained to the deep bottom of the ocean.
I have to mask even at my own home. I'm suffocating.
If I killed myself, everyone who was forced to love me will spend the rest of their days knowing I'm in hell. how can one cope with that? religion is cruel and I'm trapped.