Lurker

[maybeimalreadydead]

Anyone else struggle to post or chat? I'm a lurker in most online situations, too socially awkward to make friends in the "real world". I have some brain damage and memory problems and that adds to nobody ever wanting to be friends with someone that barely remembers details or important things to them. It's so fucking defeating. I see so many great posts I want to reply to and I freeze up and the words jumble and I convince myself what I want to say is stupid or not worth saying. Ugh. Just a vent

 

[lmroch]

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[enlightened_suicide]

I feel this 100% and am genuinely the same way .. I know I haven't been around here long but if there is one thing I have come to realize, is that this site is full of very open minded individuals who are broken as well and only want to help.
This is the place that we escape to, to get away from the negative and painful world outside of here. We don't judge <3 ...and the very very few that I've seen that do are usually just that way bc that's how they express their pain and emptiness (but it never lasts more than message or two and the rest of us ALWAYS will have your back and get them to back down and cool off!!)

Feel free to express whatever comes to your mind, We don't deserve to be numb and empty around others who feel the same things we do.
The most wounded people naturally want to help, rather than hurt the other wounded . We don't want anybody to have to feel even 1/10 of the suffering.

 

[thablue]

I feel my heart trembling every time I want to reply something.

 

[k75]

I don't lurk as much as I used to, but I still do it. I definitely delete more than I post. I'll go to say something and then tell myself it doesn't matter or nobody cares what I have to say. I think a lot of that is me projecting my insecurities. For some people, it's kind of like that new kid feeling where you feel all eyes are on you. But they really aren't.

I do find it gets easier the more you do it, though. I think it's just one of those anxiety things you just have to push through. Eventually maybe you'll feel like you fit in and it's no big deal.

 

[MysticPerception]

It's alright I feel the same sometimes honestly. I lurked for nearly a year before making an account because I'm so shy. I also delete posts I'm going to make sometimes because I decide the post is too stupid or I don't have the right to say something or the like. It happens, no need to beat yourself up about it.

 

[Chronicillness]

I'm extremely OCD, insecure and not confident so I feel this way a lot, but I feel like social akwardness and inability to post online is due to perfectionism and just not wanting to be yourself. As my illness grows and grows inside of me, I care less and less about how my words are interpreted by others online.

 

[maybeimalreadydead]

I feel my heart trembling every time I want to reply something.

Me too.

I don't lurk as much as I used to, but I still do it. I definitely delete more than I post. I'll go to say something and then tell myself it doesn't matter or nobody cares what I have to say. I think a lot of that is me projecting my insecurities. For some people, it's kind of like that new kid feeling where you feel all eyes are on you. But they really aren't.

I do find it gets easier the more you do it, though. I think it's just one of those anxiety things you just have to push through. Eventually maybe you'll feel like you fit in and it's no big deal.

I feel this way. I delete a LOT of what I post, here, social media in general. I do panic that nobody actually cares what I have to say. My anxiety has always been so debilitating

It's alright I feel the same sometimes honestly. I lurked for nearly a year before making an account because I'm so shy. I also delete posts I'm going to make sometimes because I decide the post is too stupid or I don't have the right to say something or the like. It happens, no need to beat yourself up about it.

I definitely relate with this. I have wrote much out just to change my mind. I have felt a lot of panic over once it's not removable anymore too.

I'm extremely OCD, insecure and not confident so I feel this way a lot, but I feel like social akwardness and inability to post online is due to perfectionism and just not wanting to be yourself. As my illness grows and grows inside of me, I care less and less about how my words are interpreted by others online.

This is true. I struggle with my identity, always have, this likely has a lot to do with that. I have always put too much care into how others view me.

 

[Kira]

I can relate to this, not just on here but in general. I always fear that I'll say the wrong thing, people will dislike me, I'm going to sound ignorant or attention seeking, etc. It also doesn't help that I feel like I'm changing constantly. I don't really know who I am anymore and I usually change my mind or regret whatever I've said within an hour or so. It doesn't help that I'm rejected and ghosted fairly often as well. It's a common thing online, but it still stings and makes it even harder to open up to people or relax.

 

[less than]

It's alright I feel the same sometimes honestly. I lurked for nearly a year before making an account because I'm so shy. I also delete posts I'm going to make sometimes because I decide the post is too stupid or I don't have the right to say something or the like. It happens, no need to beat yourself up about it.

I can relate to this. I delete definitely more than what I post at last.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I struggle with posting too. I can't seem to put into words what I want to say. When I do think of something usually somebody else already said it.

 

[passenger27]

I've been a lurker from day one. I comment, but I've never posted a thread. People have always considered me to be an asshole or stuck up because I don't talk much, but the truth is I have agoraphobia in "real life" so I've always thought it carried onto social sites as well. It's not that I want to be anti-social, or I wouldn't be on this site, it's just a hard thing for me to overcome my issues.

 

[maybeimalreadydead]

I can relate to this, not just on here but in general. I always fear that I'll say the wrong thing, people will dislike me, I'm going to sound ignorant or attention seeking, etc. It also doesn't help that I feel like I'm changing constantly. I don't really know who I am anymore and I usually change my mind or regret whatever I've said within an hour or so. It doesn't help that I'm rejected and ghosted fairly often as well. It's a common thing online, but it still stings and makes it even harder to open up to people or relax.

This is like I could've wrote this myself. I reallly relate... always second guessing my every word, every move, decision, I'm always feeling like I'm changing myself, views, ideas.. my family doesn't talk to me much... hugs. It is so hard.

I struggle with posting too. I can't seem to put into words what I want to say. When I do think of something usually somebody else already said it.

This for sure. Which feels just so frustrating. I can manage to say, I relate, but that's not enough.

I've been a lurker from day one. I comment, but I've never posted a thread. People have always considered me to be an asshole or stuck up because I don't talk much, but the truth is I have agoraphobia in "real life" so I've always thought it carried onto social sites as well. It's not that I want to be anti-social, or I wouldn't be on this site, it's just a hard thing for me to overcome my issues.

I understand this well too. I hate giving this impression but I know I have. It's very defeating. Hugs

 

[Skyview]

Don't be shy or hesitant about writing just go with the flow and join in the conversations , how else are we going to get to know you and for you get to know all of us . Anxiety is a bitch , you've already hit send and then you want to edit the post because anxiety is kicking in and someone sends you a like , hug, or love and at that point you know somebody gets what you're saying , it's all good

 

[Quarky00]

We're so broken even the safest kindest place is hard :)

You're ok. Feel free and give it a go. It won't kill you.

 

[2manyproblems]

I comment way too easily online. I don't think anyone cares? That's what I like about online. If people don't like your comment they'll ignore it. I think it's smarter to be more cautious though honestly.

 

[Epsilon0]

We're so broken even the safest kindest place is hard :)

You're ok. Feel free and give it a go. It won't kill you.

"It won't kill you"... So much for being encouraging, @Quarky00

(Hehe, just joking, please don't mind me.)

 

[Quarky00]

I was intentionally droll

Sorry, SS/members wont kill you ;)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I post when I see something worth replying to but I seldom start a thread these days. I've made several friends here but they have all gone, so I find it harder to participate.
Sometimes I second guess replying. Am I saying the right thing? Will my opinion do harm? Will it start a flame war? Am I actually contributing or just being self indulgent?
But it's all about opinion and other views and open discussion. So posting is worth taking any risk even with any attached anxiety imo.
But then it's been along time since I suffered social anxiety for real, I got over that when I discovered beer.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I lurked this place for almost a year before I decided to join. Just kinda feeling it out and everything. I don't normally join forums but I'm glad I joined this one.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

I don't lurk as much as I used to, but I still do it. I definitely delete more than I post. I'll go to say something and then tell myself it doesn't matter or nobody cares what I have to say. I think a lot of that is me projecting my insecurities. For some people, it's kind of like that new kid feeling where you feel all eyes are on you. But they really aren't.

I do find it gets easier the more you do it, though. I think it's just one of those anxiety things you just have to push through. Eventually maybe you'll feel like you fit in and it's no big deal.

Definitely gets easier. Maybe start with the game threads, like word games, or counting games? Less pressure that way. Just a thought. The games are tagged in the "Offtopic" forum.

 

[EmptyArms]

I don't lurk as much as I used to, but I still do it. I definitely delete more than I post. I'll go to say something and then tell myself it doesn't matter or nobody cares what I have to say. I think a lot of that is me projecting my insecurities. For some people, it's kind of like that new kid feeling where you feel all eyes are on you. But they really aren't.

I do find it gets easier the more you do it, though. I think it's just one of those anxiety things you just have to push through. Eventually maybe you'll feel like you fit in and it's no big deal.

I enjoy reading your posts. They seem logical and relevant, helpful and often quite brave. I hadnt read your insecurities between the lines at all. I feel the same way. I have been finding it easier to participate with practice but I have never made a thread or shared my own story really, just bits and pieces as they become relevant to other people's stories. People would assume that I am very confident in real life.

 

[k75]

I enjoy reading your posts. They seem logical and relevant, helpful and often quite brave. I hadnt read your insecurities between the lines at all. I feel the same way. I have been finding it easier to participate with practice but I have never made a thread or shared my own story really, just bits and pieces as they become relevant to other people's stories. People would assume that I am very confident in real life.

Aww, thank you so much. You have no idea how nice it felt to read this.

 

[Quarky00]

I second , @k75 , I like what/how you write .

That applies for many as well. I rarely saw post out of place, and many take the words out of my mouth (that includes the "sorry-english" folks- you're doing fine). All and all members actually express themselves very well, more than most people I knew IRL. So keep up being yourself and posting :)

 

[S1mpleme]

Anyone else struggle to post or chat? I'm a lurker in most online situations, too socially awkward to make friends in the "real world". I have some brain damage and memory problems and that adds to nobody ever wanting to be friends with someone that barely remembers details or important things to them. It's so fucking defeating. I see so many great posts I want to reply to and I freeze up and the words jumble and I convince myself what I want to say is stupid or not worth saying. Ugh. Just a vent

Don't speak of everyone, I don't mind to be your friend despite your brain and memory issues. I'm not better actually, sometimes I can live my wallet in refrigerator and can't find it.

 

[56709]

Same, I get social anxiety about how my posts are worded and I worry that the sentiments expressed are too vapid, or that I am stealing the chance of a more qualified poster to help someone every time I try to post. I also worry that I am not fit to post in goodbye threads because I don't actually know the person and would be just one of many posters wishing them well. I am afraid of being trite or insincere in saying my final goodbye to someone...

The conflict between wanting to be a great poster and feeling like nothing I could post is good enough causes me genuine emotional stress.

 

[k75]

I second , @k75 , I like what/how you write .

That applies for many as well. I rarely saw post out of place, and many take the words out of my mouth (that includes the "sorry-english" folks- you're doing fine). All and all members actually express themselves very well, more than most people I knew IRL. So keep up being yourself and posting :)

Thank you. You're pretty great, yourself.

 

[waterbottleman]

Anyone else struggle to post or chat? I'm a lurker in most online situations, too socially awkward to make friends in the "real world". I have some brain damage and memory problems and that adds to nobody ever wanting to be friends with someone that barely remembers details or important things to them. It's so fucking defeating. I see so many great posts I want to reply to and I freeze up and the words jumble and I convince myself what I want to say is stupid or not worth saying. Ugh. Just a vent

people are very nice and welcoming here.

Feel free to post more and speak what is on your mind. I doubt what you have to say is dumb, but I can understand the feeling since i struggle with social anxiety irl.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Anyone else struggle to post or chat? I'm a lurker in most online situations, too socially awkward to make friends in the "real world". I have some brain damage and memory problems and that adds to nobody ever wanting to be friends with someone that barely remembers details or important things to them. It's so fucking defeating. I see so many great posts I want to reply to and I freeze up and the words jumble and I convince myself what I want to say is stupid or not worth saying. Ugh. Just a vent

You sound like an artist. I used to sculpt, paint, write, all kinds of stuff. Most of it I found sorely lacking. Others however, actually liked, and bought the stuff. Never had them in a gallery, never needed to...they all sold before I got them anywhere. In other words, you have an audience here, and I suspect you will find that in spite of any issues you may have in communicating, will prove irrelevant on this site . You are a good writer. Welcome home. :)