nintendo64
mr. kill myself
- Dec 19, 2025
- 38
I took some acid my friends gave me a few hours ago, the last time I did it was when I was 16. I took all the tabs at once, go big or go home right? I always do that with substances. End up totally obliterated because I just want to feel something, anything at all.
It's a strange feeling, being the same as I was back when I last took it. It's like I'm looking back in a mirror to the past, and I feel a deep sense of anguish. I wish I was different now, I wish so badly I could look back to my past self and tell him it got better. But it didn't. I'm still the exact same, suicidal 5 years later. I am only more marred by the extended suffering soldiering on has caused.
LSD makes me feel very introspective, and I definitely feel quite set deep inside on ending things soon. I have nothing that drives me to live and I just never have and never will. It feels almost like I was born without a soul, or whatever pushes normal people to feel like they want to go on everyday.
I don't know how anyone does it, just wants to keep going, the thought that they could even be happy while doing it is a concept entirely foreign to me. How? How do you just live? I can't take it, I feel so weak. I know I shouldn't, that life is hard, but I just crumble to pieces. At anything. I quit both jobs I've had after only 2 weeks. I can't clean, or take care of myself. I eat once a day, or every other day. I haven't even showered for like a week. It just feels so hard to do anything at all, I can't function on the most basic levels.
I have many very close friends, people I've known for over a decade. But I feel so drained and tired having to interact with anyone, even them. It gets so much worse as time dredges on. I've always tried my best at keeping things together around them, I don't want to hurt them with the shit that I always have going on. I do open up sometimes, much to their horror and concern. I don't do it often since it makes me feel bad that there's nothing they can do. I'm glad they aren't like me, they have their own lives and things to do. I hope they can just forget all about me and move on when I ctb.
I feel immense sorrow that my final act will be one that will inflict pain on people, but I just can't keep living because my absence would hurt. I hurt. I would just like to finally rest, without that pain anymore. February 20th, 2026, will be my final day carrying my burdens.
It's a strange feeling, being the same as I was back when I last took it. It's like I'm looking back in a mirror to the past, and I feel a deep sense of anguish. I wish I was different now, I wish so badly I could look back to my past self and tell him it got better. But it didn't. I'm still the exact same, suicidal 5 years later. I am only more marred by the extended suffering soldiering on has caused.
LSD makes me feel very introspective, and I definitely feel quite set deep inside on ending things soon. I have nothing that drives me to live and I just never have and never will. It feels almost like I was born without a soul, or whatever pushes normal people to feel like they want to go on everyday.
I don't know how anyone does it, just wants to keep going, the thought that they could even be happy while doing it is a concept entirely foreign to me. How? How do you just live? I can't take it, I feel so weak. I know I shouldn't, that life is hard, but I just crumble to pieces. At anything. I quit both jobs I've had after only 2 weeks. I can't clean, or take care of myself. I eat once a day, or every other day. I haven't even showered for like a week. It just feels so hard to do anything at all, I can't function on the most basic levels.
I have many very close friends, people I've known for over a decade. But I feel so drained and tired having to interact with anyone, even them. It gets so much worse as time dredges on. I've always tried my best at keeping things together around them, I don't want to hurt them with the shit that I always have going on. I do open up sometimes, much to their horror and concern. I don't do it often since it makes me feel bad that there's nothing they can do. I'm glad they aren't like me, they have their own lives and things to do. I hope they can just forget all about me and move on when I ctb.
I feel immense sorrow that my final act will be one that will inflict pain on people, but I just can't keep living because my absence would hurt. I hurt. I would just like to finally rest, without that pain anymore. February 20th, 2026, will be my final day carrying my burdens.
