Venting Low Self Worth

[Blowba]

I am a person who has extremely low self worth for themselves never in my life I have ever reached a point where I believed I am worthy or had a decent self esteem. Something that people who know me can say that is a fact about me. Never truly believed I am worth for anyone's time and attention. I usually had let people do whatever they want to do with me physically, emotionally, and mentally even in regards with money. Everyday when I look at myself in the mirror I want destroy it or just end myself. I hate myself so much I hate existing, I just want to end it all. I know the reason in which I feel this way because around the age of 4-5 and I have been molested and I remember how one of my family members on my father side if anything like that happens to someone it was essentially the victims fault. I have been ashamed of myself at such a young age I kept it to myself and I never had the proper way to process it. It messed with myself worth that I believe that's how I should also be treated.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I can relate to how you feel. I avoid mirrors as much as possible. I'm sorry you went through so much. And ik you know this already, but being molested is never the child's fault. That was pure ignorance on your family members part.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I definitely relate something awful must have happened in my childhood, however I think it's really the fact I really didn't like my appearance at such a young age, and my mother was non affectionate, I also had an abusive controlling older brothers that bullied me or teased me. It was a dysfunctional house dynamic and then it got worse during puberty when I developed acne and was called ugly and abused/bullied. Neglected further, causing low academic performance, and lastly now I was nurtured for destruction at this point and went from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. I want to stop blaming myself, something triggered me in young age and from there on out I lost all self belief in myself