From what I have learned so far,after learning about about my own abuse, trauma and toxic childhood , emotional intelligence depends on lot of other enviornmental factors as well. Adults who have had non toxic parents, are naturally hardwired to recognise good and bad emotions,feelings and state of their minds and of others. For them it is natural and maybe effortless as well. While those who had to survive and walk on eggshells in their childhood due to one condition or the other, never had good role model to even teach them the basic things. They learn by mirroring other's personalities and through other faulty coping mechanisms. I am 29 and still most of the times not able to know what people are feeling when I have conversation with them and it always seems like alien to me. Only later when I contemplate and think privately, I understand them. I found a particular excercise to be quite helpful in emotional literacy but sometimes it is painful