Discussion Love and confusion

[chlorine]

so, i've been in a hospital for a month and a week and three weeks in psych ward. The only thing i could think about was how to kill myself when i got out and i even tried to hang myself in the hospital bathroom with a tshirt, which was very very dumb. Then i got transferred in psych and things got even worse, even thoiugh i recognize they could have been worse that this. Then I saw a young patient and I got a very strong gut feeling that there was something more to him, and things developed into us getting together. For the first time in years I felt like i had a reason to live for. I could live for him. And i know it sounds cheesy and stupid but it's just the truth. I spent a few days with him but then he got transfered to another institution for less severe cases and i was alone again, suffering because a part of me, if not my whole self, was physically missing. Then I founf another person, a beautiful woman with such an interesting brain and way of thinking and something clicked with her as well, we could see each other in each other, if tat makes any sense. Then, after a few days, she got out and I am alone again. The thing i did was trying to find someone else to be with, and i realized how useless and practically nonexistent i am without someone with me. And it bothers me because apparently i am not able to stay by myself while happy. Now i feel really lonely and i feel i big void inside me which i occasionally try to fill with large quantities of smoke or food, which i eventually throw up because of the resulting feeling of guilt for having eaten too much. I wanted to share my experience and see if anyone has had similar experiences or feels the same way about people in general, because for me people are the only reason to feel like a human being.

sorry for the typos, the meds definetely don't help me focusing.