I'm not sure where to start with this but I've recently lost faith in my own perception of myself. One of the beliefs I've held for many years is that I'm kind, and good natured and come across that way to others. I have problems with standing up for myself when someone is being not great towards me. Even if someone is acting like a bit of a sick towards me I will tend to ignore it, or laugh about it etc, or not try to make them feel bad. Of course there are certain situations where I would be more honest towards people, or tell them to eff off, but it would take a lot to get me to that point.
I left a job recently, the interactions in that job really have messed me up. It was a small company, and I worked directly under the owner. At a certain point she took a disliking to me. Sometimes in meetings she would snap at me, give me death stares etc. At one point I pretty much was about to cry and had to say I was feeling very attacked by her. Like I said, I tend to ignore or try not to react when people are being rude to me so it took a lot for me to get to that point.
Eventually we had a private meeting and she told me that she thought I was very condescending and rude towards her. Sometimes I would ask her what she meant by something, because I was a bit lost, and she took that to mean I was criticising her not communicating something clearly enough, but in an underhanded way. It was just me genuinely asking her to clarify as I didn't know. Also she said she saw me smiling once when another employee was being critical towards her, and apparently it looked like I was 'enjoying it'. She also said I didn't communicate enough, and didn't ask enough questions. But when I asked questions I was often talked down to as they were too basic.
I'm not sure, this is one of a long list of things in the past year that has eroded any confidence I once had. I find it hard to be around people in general, and think they're judging me a lot. It turns out they are. It's shaken me a lot that people might have the impression that I'm a snarky asshole, when I've always taken for granted that i appear nice/sweet/kind, despite all my other flaws.
I'm not sure what to do. It was made worse in that I felt other employees gang up against me too. And my ability was also questioned too, I felt incompetent most of the time, and I've carried it into my new job.
It's hard to even talk about this because I don't I want people to question me too. I'm not sure how to rebuild my image of myself back up. Would welcome some feedback.
Also just to add more context, last year I was diagnosed as having traits of several different personality disorders. I'm going to be completely honest here. I was diagnosed with traits of schizotypal, schizoid and avoidant personality disorders. I was previously diagnosed with traits of bpd and avoidant.
In this meeting to discuss my diagnosis I was told my behaviour was 'odd' and I d presented in a disheveled manner. This was the schizotypal. I take a lot of pleasure and interest in fashion and it hugely upset me to hear this. I also have huge a anxiety around people and it didn't help to be described as odd at all. Schizoid I don't accept. I desire friendship and relationships greatly.
Ive seen a lot of comments about how personality disorders can't really be treated and I don't know how to move forward. When other professionals have seen these diagnosed their whole perception of me changes, it's hugely stigmatising and isolating.
Again I'm not sure how to cope with this.
I left a job recently, the interactions in that job really have messed me up. It was a small company, and I worked directly under the owner. At a certain point she took a disliking to me. Sometimes in meetings she would snap at me, give me death stares etc. At one point I pretty much was about to cry and had to say I was feeling very attacked by her. Like I said, I tend to ignore or try not to react when people are being rude to me so it took a lot for me to get to that point.
Eventually we had a private meeting and she told me that she thought I was very condescending and rude towards her. Sometimes I would ask her what she meant by something, because I was a bit lost, and she took that to mean I was criticising her not communicating something clearly enough, but in an underhanded way. It was just me genuinely asking her to clarify as I didn't know. Also she said she saw me smiling once when another employee was being critical towards her, and apparently it looked like I was 'enjoying it'. She also said I didn't communicate enough, and didn't ask enough questions. But when I asked questions I was often talked down to as they were too basic.
I'm not sure, this is one of a long list of things in the past year that has eroded any confidence I once had. I find it hard to be around people in general, and think they're judging me a lot. It turns out they are. It's shaken me a lot that people might have the impression that I'm a snarky asshole, when I've always taken for granted that i appear nice/sweet/kind, despite all my other flaws.
I'm not sure what to do. It was made worse in that I felt other employees gang up against me too. And my ability was also questioned too, I felt incompetent most of the time, and I've carried it into my new job.
It's hard to even talk about this because I don't I want people to question me too. I'm not sure how to rebuild my image of myself back up. Would welcome some feedback.
Also just to add more context, last year I was diagnosed as having traits of several different personality disorders. I'm going to be completely honest here. I was diagnosed with traits of schizotypal, schizoid and avoidant personality disorders. I was previously diagnosed with traits of bpd and avoidant.
In this meeting to discuss my diagnosis I was told my behaviour was 'odd' and I d presented in a disheveled manner. This was the schizotypal. I take a lot of pleasure and interest in fashion and it hugely upset me to hear this. I also have huge a anxiety around people and it didn't help to be described as odd at all. Schizoid I don't accept. I desire friendship and relationships greatly.
Ive seen a lot of comments about how personality disorders can't really be treated and I don't know how to move forward. When other professionals have seen these diagnosed their whole perception of me changes, it's hugely stigmatising and isolating.
Again I'm not sure how to cope with this.
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