xX.mlnchli
melancholy
- Jul 4, 2023
- 18
My head hurts, im so lost i dont know what to do
I want to just end it already, but I do not want to hurt those that love me
I dont even have anything to do it with besides the basics and household items
But even so, im sure id find a way
im scared though, of what it would do to my loved ones
but i feel like i cannot do this anymore
Everyone that I love always ends up leaving
Im so tired of my routines
So tired of attempting to distract myself from my hurt, i cant be vulnerable because it's not in me
My go to is to act like nothing's wrong, and just go with the other person's flow
I laugh, i smile, i feel joy as i talk to people , having almost no time to think negatively, almost.
I feel empty even when I express myself as a ball of joy
I do not know what I am missing anymore.
Nobody can help me
And I simply cannot help myself because in order to do that, I'd have to feel every ounce of pain. I feel pain twice as much as a normal person, and i hurt for so long that I get over it because it annoys me.
I exercise, eat good, attempt to sleep well, talk to people, I go to therapy, been on and off meds, nothing works obviously. I feel so cold and alone, so so cold internally. I dont dislike my life, though I wish I was able to at least do so much more with my life. I long for connection so fucking bad. Because without connection, and the feeling of constant loneliness, even while having fun., I feel like I am nothing. This feeling of loneliness is just too much.
I need a 3.5 and a bottle
Thinking about all the ways I could jst do it makes my head ache
Man i just need a fucking hug and feel warmth again
God why is that so hard
God I begged you to not let me lose those people and thwy all still went
God please just hear my cries
God I am not even middle aged yet,
I suffer
Please tell me something will change
Please
All i want to do is roll up in a ball and cry then have it all end
Sleep is the only thing that does it for me
why cant i jst die while im dreaming
I dont want to feel this way anymore
I want to just end it already, but I do not want to hurt those that love me
I dont even have anything to do it with besides the basics and household items
But even so, im sure id find a way
im scared though, of what it would do to my loved ones
but i feel like i cannot do this anymore
Everyone that I love always ends up leaving
Im so tired of my routines
So tired of attempting to distract myself from my hurt, i cant be vulnerable because it's not in me
My go to is to act like nothing's wrong, and just go with the other person's flow
I laugh, i smile, i feel joy as i talk to people , having almost no time to think negatively, almost.
I feel empty even when I express myself as a ball of joy
I do not know what I am missing anymore.
Nobody can help me
And I simply cannot help myself because in order to do that, I'd have to feel every ounce of pain. I feel pain twice as much as a normal person, and i hurt for so long that I get over it because it annoys me.
I exercise, eat good, attempt to sleep well, talk to people, I go to therapy, been on and off meds, nothing works obviously. I feel so cold and alone, so so cold internally. I dont dislike my life, though I wish I was able to at least do so much more with my life. I long for connection so fucking bad. Because without connection, and the feeling of constant loneliness, even while having fun., I feel like I am nothing. This feeling of loneliness is just too much.
I need a 3.5 and a bottle
Thinking about all the ways I could jst do it makes my head ache
Man i just need a fucking hug and feel warmth again
God why is that so hard
God I begged you to not let me lose those people and thwy all still went
God please just hear my cries
God I am not even middle aged yet,
I suffer
Please tell me something will change
Please
All i want to do is roll up in a ball and cry then have it all end
Sleep is the only thing that does it for me
why cant i jst die while im dreaming
I dont want to feel this way anymore
