Venting Lost

[kvheeo]

I'm feeling lost and disconnected from who I used to be. I remember a time when happiness and love filled my heart, but I can't remember when it all ended.
I can't remember the moment my life decided to turn its back on me. I used to love being surrounded by people, now it's when I'm in a room full of people that I feel the most alone, but at the same time I can't stop myself from looking for that human warmth.
Why am I like this? What happened?

During the day, I yearn for escape in sleep, but at night, I'm plagued by overthinking and hopelessness.

I wear a mask every day, pretending to be someone I'm not, happy, loved, accomplished.
Regrets weigh heavily on me, and fear permeates every aspect of my life. I'm scared of life, of the future, but equally scared of death.
Why can't I be loved? What did I do to deserve all of this?

I wonder if anyone would even care if I disappeared.
Human beings are designed to be loved and happy, I couldn't even do that. I feel exhausted and worthless, unable to fulfill the basic human need for love and happiness.
I am a failure.

 

[jellie]

i am so sorry you are feeling like this. life can be so cruel sometimes. I can relate to a lot of what you have written here. feeling alone while surrounded by people is one of the most sickening feelings to me. i think that feeling has resulted in me isolating my self so as not to feel it. I am sorry you are going through this and I feel for you. I seriously hope that things get better for you and that your life is once again filled with lovely things.

 

[kvheeo]

i am so sorry you are feeling like this. life can be so cruel sometimes. I can relate to a lot of what you have written here. feeling alone while surrounded by people is one of the most sickening feelings to me. i think that feeling has resulted in me isolating my self so as not to feel it. I am sorry you are going through this and I feel for you. I seriously hope that things get better for you and that your life is once again filled with lovely things.

I truly believe that experiencing loneliness while surrounded by others is one of the worst feelings anyone could experience. I don't even think there's any word in the vocabulary that fully describe this feeling. I think some people confuse "feeling alone" with "feeling lonely", to me feeling alone is far more deep. It's like being engulfed by this abyss, void, it's like living in this infinite dark universe, were you lack feelings and connections with anyone, it's more internalized and there is no "cure". If you get wha I mean.
I think here is were I feel the least alone, when I find people who relate to what I write.
Thank you, and I also wish for things to get better for you as well.

 

[jellie]

I truly believe that experiencing loneliness while surrounded by others is one of the worst feelings anyone could experience. I don't even think there's any word in the vocabulary that fully describe this feeling. I think some people confuse "feeling alone" with "feeling lonely", to me feeling alone is far more deep. It's like being engulfed by this abyss, void, it's like living in this infinite dark universe, were you lack feelings and connections with anyone, it's more internalized and there is no "cure". If you get wha I mean.
I think here is were I feel the least alone, when I find people who relate to what I write.
Thank you, and I also wish for things to get better for you as well.

what you write about feeling alone vs feeling lonely i think is something that i can relate to a lot. feeling alone is so much more profound and cannot be fixed by the presence of other people. when i started hanging out with friends in an attempt to feel less alone it did not seem to help. and i honestly still feel just as alone despite the fact that I am almost always with someone else. idk. i just want you to know that you share this experience with someone, maybe that will help a little. this site seems to help me with feeling less alone too.