Venting Lost

[LongSeason]

I'm afraid I've finally lost everyone in my life, the point where nobody would care if I disappeared.
Even the person that knows the most about me makes it seem as if I have already died, I am a literal ghost.
I know my parents love me and that I still have a lot of things to do and see but I can't think of anything else other than suicide.
In all honesty, what would you do if you knew you lost every person that you were close to and could count on?

 

[TheCrow]

I'm afraid I've finally lost everyone in my life, the point where nobody would care if I disappeared.
Even the person that knows the most about me makes it seem as if I have already died, I am a literal ghost.
I know my parents love me and that I still have a lot of things to do and see but I can't think of anything else other than suicide.
In all honesty, what would you do if you knew you lost every person that you were close to and could count on?

I know exactly how you feel. I pretty much only have my family, with the most help from my parents. When I got in a fight with my dad a year ago, and he told me that he and my mom were "done with me," that's when I tried to ctb. But yeah, all I have is them, and I too feel like a ghost. I don't feel like a real person. Save for the 2x a week when my dad comes over, I am always alone. When I ctb, I don't even know if my parents would have anyone other than family to call and inform that I've passed.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I don't know, this is a weird one isn't it. I think there is something about depression that isolates us and almost stops us being able to see beyond the wall that forms around us. I think we do have more people around us that love and care about us more than we know or believe and I think it's to do with a self-worth thing. Mind you, I don't think it helps when those people say or do unhelpful, hurtful or critical things but I think when we are depressed we only hear the hurtful things loud and clear. If that makes any sense. And it does feel like people get exasperated with us, but we can't help it.

Just 6 months ago I lost a friend irl who ctb. We hadn't known each other long. He went downhill over a few weeks and said he had no one to live for and no one would care. I didn't know any of his friends or family at that time. Six months on there are so many people absolutely breaking their hearts - his friends & family - as they love him to bits.

 

[LongSeason]

Just 6 months ago I lost a friend irl who ctb. We hadn't known each other long. He went downhill over a few weeks and said he had no one to live for and no one would care. I didn't know any of his friends or family at that time. Six months on there are so many people absolutely breaking their hearts - his friends & family - as they love him to bits.

How did they take it? Did you know them?

 

[Memento Mori]

but I think when we are depressed we only hear the hurtful things loud and clear.

I'd say our horizon of thinking is limited to perspectives, it doesn't always need to be words or being around without breaks it needs time and self evolving and not giving up...the part with not giving up is impossible but somewhere there's a fuckin trick and we have to find it :D somewhere there's a point reached where others woulf harm themselves if staying with you...doesn't mean they care about you even if it's annoying hearing nothing for months...but for sure there are a lot of people who just dont care though.

 

[JustAboutDone]

How did they take it? Did you know them?

It's a sad one as I didn't realise and have only found out through people telling me things here and there that he was utterly adored by his family and friends. When he talked to me he felt he was utterly alone and thought everyone would judge him a 'failure' as his business was in its early days - but I really think his perspective was distorted by a sudden out of the blue, overwhelming depression and he was unaware of it. And, to an extent, so was I as he was a sort of happy-go-lucky type.

I have seen his parents as they don't live far and they look as if they have aged fifty years and they were so carefree before :-(

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'd say our horizon of thinking is limited to perspectives, it doesn't always need to be words or being around without breaks it needs time and self evolving and not giving up...the part with not giving up is impossible but somewhere there's a fuckin trick and we have to find it :D somewhere there's a point reached where others woulf harm themselves if staying with you...doesn't mean they care about you even if it's annoying hearing nothing for months...but for sure there are a lot of people who just dont care though.

Yes, you are right. People need to speak up and be more open if they really care and love someone then say! Don't let people flounder "assuming" that they know they are loved. If you love and care about your sons and daughters you must demonstrate it and tell them because people need to know.

One of my older brothers was very upset a couple of years back as my mother had been particularly unkind and I asked her, "have you ever told him you love him?" She said,"why should I?" in a rather belligerent manner :-)

Says it all really!

So, speak up! If you have parents, tell them to show you how much you are loved, and if you are a parent - heaven help you if you do not show your child they are more precious than diamonds every day of their life :-)

 

[NoChoice]

I'm afraid I've finally lost everyone in my life, the point where nobody would care if I disappeared.
Even the person that knows the most about me makes it seem as if I have already died, I am a literal ghost.
I know my parents love me and that I still have a lot of things to do and see but I can't think of anything else other than suicide.
In all honesty, what would you do if you knew you lost every person that you were close to and could count on?

Honestly, fuck other people. I know how it sounds, but for me personally I was actually happy, enlightened, blissful, euphoric when I was going through life on my own, but still able reach out to people if I needed. The problem is I eventually burned all the bridges, when I should've just pushed the people away without burning them. We are social creatures but periods of being alone and enjoying it are very under valued in this society, it can lead to a level of self love and exploration like no other and in many ways I think it's the point of life, to be alone. I'm sure many would disagree but we are fundamentally alone, the better you get at adapting to this and loving it then the better your life will be. The problem is making mistakes and going off the deep end becomes much easier alone, so it takes a very strong mind and a smart one to do it for extended periods of time. Really, if your parents don't hate you then you have it better than most people I'd say. You can always meet new people you just need to get involved in things no matter how hard it seems, it's usually not as bad as you think to get out there and be social, no ones perfect. The more comfortable with who you are the better chance you'll have at attracting people and making friends, this doesn't mean you have to be some talented incredibly interested person, but people don't want to be around people who hate themselves and who seem desparate thats just the harsh reality, trust me I know because I've been that person and I've also pushed away those types of people. If you develop a solid baseline and state of mind completely alone and by yourself, I think you have a huge advantage in life. That's not to say to become a recluse and cut everyone off, but try and enjoy the alone time. We're not meant to ALWAYS be around others showing off and competing and socializing, there is a certain beauty to being alone, and paradoxically the more you love being alone and love yourself the more others will become seriously attracted and interested in you, it's kind of a sick joke.