Lost Someone Today...

[SimplyTopHat]

I lost someone to suicide today.

I don't know exactly how I feel about it, but I find myself wishing that it was me instead. I've wanted to kill myself for so long, despite many botched/failed attempts & yet I am still here. I can't quite put into words how much I don't want to be. I feel for their parents (my friends) but I can't shake the fact that I want to kill myself.

These thoughts feel so selfish in light of what they are going through.

 

[Soul]

@SimplyTopHat, it's ok for you to feel what you feel. If you can quietly support your friends in their grief that is a great thing. x

 

[russian_roulette]

I know how you feel. But you're not selfish if you think so. I feel full respect for everyone who killed himself and I am glad for him. Now you can support your friends and work on yourself. Feel hugged!

 

[faust]

I am so sorry, this is torturing you.
Loss is always accompanied by pain.
I think you should stay for a while. Or at least finally decide if you need it and start researching in the case this is the only one option. There is a recovery section as well if you start feeling that suicide is not for you. This thought is always in us and there won't be too late to do this. At least for now. If you need us, feel free to communicate. And welcome to our forum!

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to get through this difficult time.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope it was quick and painless for them atleast.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

@SimplyTopHat, it's ok for you to feel what you feel. If you can quietly support your friends in their grief that is a great thing. x

Yeah... I guess you're right. I just feel bad knowing that while they are grieving, I selfishly want to trade pl

I lost someone to suicide today.

I don't know exactly how I feel about it, but I find myself wishing that it was me instead. I've wanted to kill myself for so long, despite many botched/failed attempts & yet I am still here. I can't quite put into words how much I don't want to be. I feel for their parents (my friends) but I can't shake the fact that I want to kill myself.

These thoughts feel so selfish in light of what they are going through.

Yeah... I guess you're right. I just feel bad- dirty even, knowing that while they are grieving, I selfishly want to trade places. They completed suicide in the last way that I tried to. It's a lot.

 

[Jean4]

I understand how you feel. My partner CTB and every second I wish it was me instead of him. He was needed so much more than me.

We are here if you want to talk. We understand

 

[k75]

I understand how you feel. My partner CTB and every second I wish it was me instead of him. He was needed so much more than me.

We are here if you want to talk. We understand

That's not true. You are needed and help a lot of people.

I lost someone to suicide today.

I don't know exactly how I feel about it, but I find myself wishing that it was me instead. I've wanted to kill myself for so long, despite many botched/failed attempts & yet I am still here. I can't quite put into words how much I don't want to be. I feel for their parents (my friends) but I can't shake the fact that I want to kill myself.

These thoughts feel so selfish in light of what they are going through.

I'm sorry. I understand how you're feeling and think it's pretty normal. Just let yourself feel and don't blame yourself for it. Don't judge yourself, because it's not like you're doing it on purpose.

 

[TheLastGoodbye]

Sorry for your loss. We're here for you if to want to talk.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry for you loss. I hope your loved one found peace. Nothing you're feeling is wrong. We are here for you.

I understand how you feel. My partner CTB and every second I wish it was me instead of him. He was needed so much more than me.

We are here if you want to talk. We understand

You're more valuable than you know. I need someone to share my bunnies and hugs with, and our valentines sn evening was so lovely we will need to find a way to top it next year if we are still here. I can see you heavy your heart is from the loss of Stan. He will be there waiting when your time comes. Until then you're ours <3

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I understand how you feel. My partner CTB and every second I wish it was me instead of him. He was needed so much more than me.

We are here if you want to talk. We understand

Thanks for your support. I don't know how to put it into words but soon I'm supposed to go be with them &I don't know how I'm supposed to do that, I'm freaking out a bit. I feel like a liar. Yeah, I'm sorry they lost someone- though I can't shake the thought that if they'd had a chance to see me CTB, they would still be here. Like they would see what it's doing to my friends (their parents) &then change their mind. Which is convoluted bc shouldn't it work that same way for me? Seeing the pain of this &decide to live instead?

 

[Jean4]

Thanks for your support. I don't know how to put it into words but soon I'm supposed to go be with them &I don't know how I'm supposed to do that, I'm freaking out a bit. I feel like a liar. Yeah, I'm sorry they lost someone- though I can't shake the thought that if they'd had a chance to see me CTB, they would still be here. Like they would see what it's doing to my friends (their parents) &then change their mind. Which is convoluted bc shouldn't it work that same way for me? Seeing the pain of this &decide to live instead?

My partner told me it's not my time yet. Do not follow him. He was right. So I am in pain every day and have decided for now to live.

 

[helfire]

I'm sorry about how you're feeling now and I'm sorry for your loss.
And It's not wrong to feel like that tho, I know it's a whirl of emotions and it can be a lot. You're entitled to be a bit selfish too, since you're hurting, but just take your time and don't be so harsh on yourself. Things are gonna be ok, and remember that you're in a safe space here, no one is gonna judge you and we're all here with you