Discussion Lost my Husband I don’t wanna keep living!

[Yoko26]

Hello everyone! This is my first thread.
I lost my newlywed husband/fiancé a month ago in a car accident.
It was super hard because we were in a long distance relationship in 2 different countries for 3 years. We finally had our paperwork approved this august and I was ready to move in to the US with him this November.
Everything was ready, suddenly his grandpa died and he had to go to the funeral, he took a plane and after the flight a semi truck hit the car where he was.
I just can't keep going without him, his parents are just fighting for money, I'm just resisting for the legal issues to get fixed to honor and defend him and after that I'm planning to use something like Nembutal (I'm trying to get it).
It's pretty annoying that people just a month after the death is telling me to let him go, to forget him, to re do my life, to keep moving on, they say I'll recover, that I should get married again, that he will be with me forever and that Gods plans are perfect...that is HELL for me!
I have no hopes, no dreams, no future, no reason to live without my love! Why people wants to force me to live in a world without him? Why they do not care about I'm dead inside and that I don't want anyone else to love! They just tell me that I should think I would hurt my friends and family, but what about me? They just want me to keep living because they do not want to suffer but what about me living in pain every single day!
This life has no sense without my love!
I just don't wanna keep alive!

Is someone in a similar situation?
Has someone a better method?
Any ideas of a non painful method?

thanks for reading!

 

[Thereisalwaysachoice]

I'm so sorry . I support your decision to ctb. I would want to do the same in your shoes. So sorry. Xoxoxo.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

I'm really sorry... I have lost a lot of loved ones in my life. It's never easy. I remember when I was 19 and my Mom died, I saw a doctor jist a week after her funeral and I told him I was really struggling , he told me and I quote " you need to get over it ".

I am always amazed at how cold and almost non human people are. It's like the world is made up of these unfeeling robot people and people who are so self absorbed they can't bother with really trying to help someone through their pain.

As someone who has lost pretty much everyone and everything they ever loved, I can tell you this... it does get better, it takes a long time and you really have to set small goals for yourself. Even if its just getting through the next day, build on that and get through the next week, then a month.

At some point you will heal. As impossible as that seems.

The more people you lose the harder it gets each time. But I really think in this horrible tragedy, you can still recover and find happiness and purpose again. It may also show you who your real friends are.

I hope you will choose to hold on to life, there is still plenty to live for, it's just hard to imagine that life can ever be the same again, and it won't, but...Life can be good again, I promise.

 

[Rotten thing]

I do know this. He would have wanted you to ctb. It was an accident, a very terrible accident, and I'm really sorry for your loss and sorry that you are stuggling. You should grief your loss and take all the time that you need to make peace with what has happened, but don't let grief consume you. Your husband may have left but he is not gone. There is this poem that John Donne wrote after his beloved wife passed away that I really wish you find helpful...
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

 

[BlueWidow]

Hello everyone! This is my first thread.
I lost my newlywed husband/fiancé a month ago in a car accident.
It was super hard because we were in a long distance relationship in 2 different countries for 3 years. We finally had our paperwork approved this august and I was ready to move in to the US with him this November.
Everything was ready, suddenly his grandpa died and he had to go to the funeral, he took a plane and after the flight a semi truck hit the car where he was.
I just can't keep going without him, his parents are just fighting for money, I'm just resisting for the legal issues to get fixed to honor and defend him and after that I'm planning to use something like Nembutal (I'm trying to get it).
It's pretty annoying that people just a month after the death is telling me to let him go, to forget him, to re do my life, to keep moving on, they say I'll recover, that I should get married again, that he will be with me forever and that Gods plans are perfect...that is HELL for me!
I have no hopes, no dreams, no future, no reason to live without my love! Why people wants to force me to live in a world without him? Why they do not care about I'm dead inside and that I don't want anyone else to love! They just tell me that I should think I would hurt my friends and family, but what about me? They just want me to keep living because they do not want to suffer but what about me living in pain every single day!
This life has no sense without my love!
I just don't wanna keep alive!

Is someone in a similar situation?
Has someone a better method?
Any ideas of a non painful method?

thanks for reading!

I am so sorry for your loss. I am here also because I lost my husband. My situation is a bit different than yours. My husband got cancer and I took care of him for 5 years while he was ill. He passed away on October 15, 2017- and my life ended that day.

I can't imagine what it must be like to lose your husband so suddenly and without warning, also losing him when you were just newlyweds. That is so heartbreaking and shocking.

It's completely inappropriate and ridiculous for people to tell you to move on so quickly. This is the person you loved and wanted to spend the rest of your life with! How do they expect you to just forget him and move on so quickly? As I said, I've been mourning my husband for two years, and I'm still not ready to move on. I will never be able to move on because my husband's death has completely upended and destroyed every area of my life.
I have no life without him, at least no life that I want. I completely understand what you're saying. People do the same thing to me. They tell me I need to stop mourning my husband and build a new life without him, but I don't want a life without him!

You wrote:

I have no hopes, no dreams, no future, no reason to live without my love! Why people wants to force me to live in a world without him? Why they do not care about I'm dead inside and that I don't want anyone else to love! They just tell me that I should think I would hurt my friends and family, but what about me? They just want me to keep living because they do not want to suffer but what about me living in pain every single day
This life has no sense without my love!
I just don't wanna keep alive!

I completely understand this and I feel exactly the same way you do. It's impossible to explain the completely heart wrenching pain that you feel when your spouse is gone. I always describe it as a feeling like I'm missing something important that I can't get back. It's like there's a piece of me missing and it hurts, it hurts more than I even know how to describe.

I wish I could reach through my computer and give you a hug. I completely understand and if you ever need to talk, I'm happy to listen.

There are many wonderful people on this forum who will be happy to listen to you and show you understanding and compassion.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. It breaks my heart to hear that there are other people going through the same things that I am because I wouldn't wish what I'm going through on anyone.
Once you have done enough posts, perhaps we could PM. I think you need 5 posts in order for that to happen, or it may be 10 posts, I can't remember at this point. Anyway, whenever you have enough posts,, I'd be happy to have a private message with you, if you'd like.
I'll keep you in my thoughts. I'm so sorry your life has taken this tragic turn. I hope you find some relief here on the forum. Being able to express your true feelings without fear of being judged is a big help.
Just be kind to yourself. You just suffered your loss very recently and it's way too soon for you to even think about making any serious decisions about anything. You're probably still in shock. I know I was a complete mess for quite a long time after my husband's death. It's only been in the last few months that I've even begun to start thinking more clearly, and I actually think this site had a big part in helping me with that. I had so many feelings that I had to keep bottled up because anytime I would want to discuss my husband everyone around me would shut me down and run away because they didn't want to talk about him or hear about how bad I was feeling about it. It's been wonderful for me to have people who are willing to listen to me just drone on and on about how horrible I feel, if that's what I need to do. I hope this forum will give you the same type of comfort it has given me.
Wishing you peace & serenity.

 

[JimFord99]

Losing a close loved one is not easy by all means, yoko26. Only time can heal in such cases. There is no comfort I can tell or give you, and that is the hardest thing.

 

[NotGoneButNotHere]

Hello everyone! This is my first thread.
I lost my newlywed husband/fiancé a month ago in a car accident.
It was super hard because we were in a long distance relationship in 2 different countries for 3 years. We finally had our paperwork approved this august and I was ready to move in to the US with him this November.
Everything was ready, suddenly his grandpa died and he had to go to the funeral, he took a plane and after the flight a semi truck hit the car where he was.
I just can't keep going without him, his parents are just fighting for money, I'm just resisting for the legal issues to get fixed to honor and defend him and after that I'm planning to use something like Nembutal (I'm trying to get it).
It's pretty annoying that people just a month after the death is telling me to let him go, to forget him, to re do my life, to keep moving on, they say I'll recover, that I should get married again, that he will be with me forever and that Gods plans are perfect...that is HELL for me!
I have no hopes, no dreams, no future, no reason to live without my love! Why people wants to force me to live in a world without him? Why they do not care about I'm dead inside and that I don't want anyone else to love! They just tell me that I should think I would hurt my friends and family, but what about me? They just want me to keep living because they do not want to suffer but what about me living in pain every single day!
This life has no sense without my love!
I just don't wanna keep alive!

Is someone in a similar situation?
Has someone a better method?
Any ideas of a non painful method?

thanks for reading!

Can't imagine what you're going through, I'm so sorry :(.

 

[Deardaddy]

Ok I am going same as in losing loved ones. But I will only ctb when the loved ones are gone.

 

[MourningHeart]

Hello everyone! This is my first thread.
I lost my newlywed husband/fiancé a month ago in a car accident.
It was super hard because we were in a long distance relationship in 2 different countries for 3 years. We finally had our paperwork approved this august and I was ready to move in to the US with him this November.
Everything was ready, suddenly his grandpa died and he had to go to the funeral, he took a plane and after the flight a semi truck hit the car where he was.
I just can't keep going without him, his parents are just fighting for money, I'm just resisting for the legal issues to get fixed to honor and defend him and after that I'm planning to use something like Nembutal (I'm trying to get it).
It's pretty annoying that people just a month after the death is telling me to let him go, to forget him, to re do my life, to keep moving on, they say I'll recover, that I should get married again, that he will be with me forever and that Gods plans are perfect...that is HELL for me!
I have no hopes, no dreams, no future, no reason to live without my love! Why people wants to force me to live in a world without him? Why they do not care about I'm dead inside and that I don't want anyone else to love! They just tell me that I should think I would hurt my friends and family, but what about me? They just want me to keep living because they do not want to suffer but what about me living in pain every single day!
This life has no sense without my love!
I just don't wanna keep alive!

Is someone in a similar situation?
Has someone a better method?
Any ideas of a non painful method?

thanks for reading!

I'm really sorry for your loss. You have my deepest condolences.
I know how it feels like to lose the person you love more than everything else. The grief to suffer through every day, to lose the very meaning of your life.

I just hate people saying, to 'just' overcome your pain since its 'only' mental distress, that life goes on, find another love, you'll be better soon and so on... For them, some months of time is sufficient to overcome love. That ones do not even know, how deep a bond can be and how much pain a heart can feel if your love is real. Most people only love themselves and lie.

Regarding the method - if you manage to get nembutal and have no gastric problems, it is one of your best ways to go painless.

I will be gone soon for similar reason.
This world can really turn to hell.

I'm wishing you the best, may you find your peace and relief that you seek.

 

[Ironweed]

I think you're still in a highly emotional state. I would counsel waiting a bit before proceeding, assuming you still wish to proceed. If for no other reason than my sense is that people who act from emotion tend to use methods that are both painful and not very effective.

Having said that, I have no one in my life I would miss the way you are clearly missing your fiance, so my advice may or may not be in any sense applicable.

I am personally trying to approach my end the way one would a chess problem. Dispasstionately and without undue emotion. I am succeeding to a limited extent.

 

[Enomis]

I know your pain. I'm so sorry.
My story is similar to that of Bluewidow. I lost my wife to cancer in January of this year after we fought the disease for four years.
I was with her until her last breath in the hospital. We have been married for 30 years.
She was and is a part of my life. There is no day when I do not cry.
After January the world has no more colors. it has no sounds. neither perfumes.
I have lived in these months to try to fix things for my son (who is a young man) ..... sell our house.
I tried to find a reason to live. To be happy again but I know that nothing can be as before. But for some days I have been calmer. Since when I have everything I need to leave this world. I have SN and carbon monoxide with me and I know I can leave at any time.
I hug you

 

[howard]

I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my wife 3 years ago and I will never 'get over ' it. You learn to cope by distractions. It is hell, I send you love and if I could give you strength I would.
Think hard, take time, hold tight to good memories, they are so important!
I am here for a little while longer. PM me if you want. X

I know your pain. I'm so sorry.
My story is similar to that of Bluewidow. I lost my wife to cancer in January of this year after we fought the disease for four years.
I was with her until her last breath in the hospital. We have been married for 30 years.
She was and is a part of my life. There is no day when I do not cry.
After January the world has no more colors. it has no sounds. neither perfumes.
I have lived in these months to try to fix things for my son (who is a young man) ..... sell our house.
I tried to find a reason to live. To be happy again but I know that nothing can be as before. But for some days I have been calmer. Since when I have everything I need to leave this world. I have SN and carbon monoxide with me and I know I can leave at any time.
I hug you

Hi, I just read your post.
I lost my wife 3 yrs ago, was with her to end as you were. With yours
Its hell. I fully empathize with you.
Have strength if possible.

 

[LMLN]

I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my wife 3 years ago and I will never 'get over ' it. You learn to cope by distractions. It is hell, I send you love and if I could give you strength I would.
Think hard, take time, hold tight to good memories, they are so important!
I am here for a little while longer. PM me if you want. X

Hi, I just read your post.
I lost my wife 3 yrs ago, was with her to end as you were. With yours
Its hell. I fully empathize with you.
Have strength if possible.

I lost my husband, the love of my life earlier this year. It is hell. A horrible nightmare. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[realjunes]

To: Howard, LMLN, Enomis, Blue Widow, and Yoko26 - and all the others who have lost a mate-

I've chatted with a couple of you, but reading this thread about losing a spouse/partner is overwhelming me with emotion and I find myself weeping on Thanksgiving day here in the US, how ironic and tragic.
So here we are, from newlyweds to long-married, I myself had 40 years before I lost my wife. I want to be thankful and see a good future, but when you love someone and lose your true soul mate, the love just does not go away when they do. Everything you hear or see can remind you of your mate, and you want to turn to remark about it to the person who would be beside you, but no one is there.
The ever-lasting love tears at my heart and mind, and is taking me apart.
But here we are, lost and left behind spouses and partners, virtually together on Thanksgiving when we couldn't feel less thankful.
But, for what it is worth, just now as I read your stories, pausing to cry during each one, I am grateful to each of you for sharing your pain with me, and I wanted to share my pain with you.
But now, today. in this moment, I am THANKFUL, to each of you and others on this forum, all of whom have found themselves part of an odd disparate family owing to tragedies and pain and suffering.
After reading each of your contributions I am grateful, this Thanksgiving, for being able to be with you in this wonderful way. and indebted to all of you who, despite your own pain and silent suffering, you all are so capable of compassion and comfort, and freely share it with each other. Thank you for allowing me to be with you on Thanksgiving.

 

[LMLN]

To: Howard, LMLN, Enomis, Blue Widow, and Yoko26 - and all the others who have lost a mate-

I've chatted with a couple of you, but reading this thread about losing a spouse/partner is overwhelming me with emotion and I find myself weeping on Thanksgiving day here in the US, how ironic and tragic.
So here we are, from newlyweds to long-married, I myself had 40 years before I lost my wife. I want to be thankful and see a good future, but when you love someone and lose your true soul mate, the love just does not go away when they do. Everything you hear or see can remind you of your mate, and you want to turn to remark about it to the person who would be beside you, but no one is there.
The ever-lasting love tears at my heart and mind, and is taking me apart.
But here we are, lost and left behind spouses and partners, virtually together on Thanksgiving when we couldn't feel less thankful.
But, for what it is worth, just now as I read your stories, pausing to cry during each one, I am grateful to each of you for sharing your pain with me, and I wanted to share my pain with you.
But now, today. in this moment, I am THANKFUL, to each of you and others on this forum, all of whom have found themselves part of an odd disparate family owing to tragedies and pain and suffering.
After reading each of your contributions I am grateful, this Thanksgiving, for being able to be with you in this wonderful way. and indebted to all of you who, despite your own pain and silent suffering, you all are so capable of compassion and comfort, and freely share it with each other. Thank you for allowing me to be with you on Thanksgiving.

Thank you for the lovely message! It is hard irl because nobody seems to understand the depth of my pain from losing my husband. Here I feel understood and nobody says I should be doing better or being stronger. I appreciate so much the love and support I have received here. I hope everyone had as nice a Thanksgiving as possible. It was my first Thanksgiving without my husband. So not a wonderful day. But I got through it and was present for my family. So I'd say it was a success.
Take care.

 

[realjunes]

Thank you for the lovely message! It is hard irl because nobody seems to understand the depth of my pain from losing my husband. Here I feel understood and nobody says I should be doing better or being stronger. I appreciate so much the love and support I have received here. I hope everyone had as nice a Thanksgiving as possible. It was my first Thanksgiving without my husband. So not a wonderful day. But I got through it and was present for my family. So I'd say it was a success.
Take care.

It was my first Tday without her too. Thank you for comment, and I feel as you do.

 

[MissNietzsche]

I'm sorry, OP. If I lost the love of my life to death, I would wanna die too..

I mean ffs, my ex boyfriend left me, and I wanted to kill myself for that too..but I genuinely think that, if I were married, and my husband died, I'd lull myself too

 

[BlueWidow]

It was my first Tday without her too. Thank you for comment, and I feel as you do.

This has been my 3rd Thanksgiving without my husband. Not a whole lot easier than the first 2, but made better this year by the knowledge that I will not be here to suffer through another one. My first one was the very worst though because it was my first holiday after my husband passed away and he had only been gone for about 5 weeks at that time. I was totally out of my mind. His granddaughter asked me to stay with her for the holiday, but I refused. I didn't want to ruin their Thanksgiving with my sadness or have to put on a show for them and pretend that I felt better than I did. I was in such overwhelming despair and so emotionally broken and desperate that I waited until the day after thanksgiving when I knew I wouldn't be getting anymore phone calls from people checking in on me. That morning (a Friday) when I woke up, I impulsively swallowed a bunch of pills hoping it would kill me, but if not, at least I'd sleep for several days and not have to feel anything for awhile. I woke up at 1 in the afternoon thinking it was the next day --- which would've been Saturday. I went through that whole day thinking it was Saturday and my attempt had failed to even give me a weekend of peace. Then I was flipping through the tv channels and a news program came on and announced the date as Monday. I was sorry I hadn't died, but happy I slept through the whole weekend, as it was the first rest I had gotten since my husband's death.
I hope everyone made it through the day with as little difficulty as possible.

 

[Yoko26]

To: Howard, LMLN, Enomis, Blue Widow, and Yoko26 - and all the others who have lost a mate-

I've chatted with a couple of you, but reading this thread about losing a spouse/partner is overwhelming me with emotion and I find myself weeping on Thanksgiving day here in the US, how ironic and tragic.
So here we are, from newlyweds to long-married, I myself had 40 years before I lost my wife. I want to be thankful and see a good future, but when you love someone and lose your true soul mate, the love just does not go away when they do. Everything you hear or see can remind you of your mate, and you want to turn to remark about it to the person who would be beside you, but no one is there.
The ever-lasting love tears at my heart and mind, and is taking me apart.
But here we are, lost and left behind spouses and partners, virtually together on Thanksgiving when we couldn't feel less thankful.
But, for what it is worth, just now as I read your stories, pausing to cry during each one, I am grateful to each of you for sharing your pain with me, and I wanted to share my pain with you.
But now, today. in this moment, I am THANKFUL, to each of you and others on this forum, all of whom have found themselves part of an odd disparate family owing to tragedies and pain and suffering.
After reading each of your contributions I am grateful, this Thanksgiving, for being able to be with you in this wonderful way. and indebted to all of you who, despite your own pain and silent suffering, you all are so capable of compassion and comfort, and freely share it with each other. Thank you for allowing me to be with you on Thanksgiving.

My dear real June's...

you can't imagine how I've been crying about your words.
As you say at we can't be thankful for what life has taken away from us, some of us in sudden situations and others if very painful sickness...but we're all dealing with grief and tragedy.
It's good to know we can talk between us because no one else understands how deep and overwhelming is our pain it can't even fit our bodies.
Thank you so much for taking your time and caring about our stories.

and to all: thank you for taking time for giving me some words ... I wan to CTB obviously but having you all to talk without judging it's what keeps mentally stable! Thank you all!

 

[dmsdnd18]

I am sorry for your loss. I did not lose my husband, but i lost my boyfriend 18 months ago and have been a mess ever since. I have been suicidal for most of my life and i feel like his death was my trigger to finally go through with it. We did everything together and now everything has become painful. Like you said, i have also lost all my hopes and dreams for the future.

Nobody in my life understands my pain. I cannot handle one more person telling me "he was just your boyfriend" or "youre still so young (28) and you have your whole life ahead of you!" People are so ignorant. But they also dont know of my plans to ctb and that i gave up the day he died. I wouldve done it awhile ago if i had had my method secured.

 

[Yoko26]

I am sorry for your loss. I did not lose my husband, but i lost my boyfriend 18 months ago and have been a mess ever since. I have been suicidal for most of my life and i feel like his death was my trigger to finally go through with it. We did everything together and now everything has become painful. Like you said, i have also lost all my hopes and dreams for the future.

Nobody in my life understands my pain. I cannot handle one more person telling me "he was just your boyfriend" or "youre still so young (28) and you have your whole life ahead of you!" People are so ignorant. But they also dont know of my plans to ctb and that i gave up the day he died. I wouldve done it awhile ago if i had had my method secured.

I feel you so much! People telling me I'm so young (30) and I'm gonna forget him soon and get married again so fast! I'm sick of it! Wanna pm? Feel free to text me there

 

[realjunes]

I do know this. He would have wanted you to ctb. It was an accident, a very terrible accident, and I'm really sorry for your loss and sorry that you are stuggling. You should grief your loss and take all the time that you need to make peace with what has happened, but don't let grief consume you. Your husband may have left but he is not gone. There is this poem that John Donne wrote after his beloved wife passed away that I really wish you find helpful...
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Thank you for the lovely message! It is hard irl because nobody seems to understand the depth of my pain from losing my husband. Here I feel understood and nobody says I should be doing better or being stronger. I appreciate so much the love and support I have received here. I hope everyone had as nice a Thanksgiving as possible. It was my first Thanksgiving without my husband. So not a wonderful day. But I got through it and was present for my family. So I'd say it was a success.
Take care.

I thank you, Yoko26, for sharing your story with us, it is uniquely sad and terrible, being such newlyweds. But I am so happy you found us in our little corner of the internet world, where every kind of sadness has beset our members. You can tell by the great posts on your thread from these amazing members, that many share similar stories as yours. You will not hear "get over it" on this forum but you will hear and feel is complete and total support for you and your choices, and plenty of experience that you will relate to and/or absorb, and perhaps you will feel less alone. If you do, we will have done our work for you. So, welcome Yoko26, and love and peace be with you.

 

[BrokenAngel8]

Reading this tragic thread, from OP to everyone else sharing stories of coping with the death of their spouse: this is truly devastating.

I'm just having a breakup. After a short 5 years. He is pretty much very alive, we broke up in good terms and I can just dial his number for a coffee if I want to. But that's not what I want. His love for me has gone. Or he killed it, knowing our circumstances would be hard to move forward. I was ready to fight, he did not. Or maybe I'm just too lunatic he gave up after all these years. Whatever it is, my soul died the day he said he wants us to go different way.

"The pain will go away once you date another man"
"You are just making a big fuss over silly thing"
"You are beautiful and smart, you deserve better"
My favorite?
"There are plenty of fish in the sea"

I pity them whom never in love, or being loved, so much that they couldn't understand that sometimes the pain of a heartbreak will never get better. It doesn't just...go away.

Hugs to you all. I wish I can hug you one by one.

 

[Yoko26]

Hello Everyone, sadly seems we are more than one having the loss of our husbands/partners/wives the main reason to CTB soon.
I've found a warming hug in the words of all of you, so I started a group over WhatsApp to talk with people with the same painful situation feel free to join if you are a widow too.

WhatsApp Group Invite

WhatsApp Group Invite

chat.whatsapp.com

The group is hidden under a healthy fitness name and profile photo so we can be safe on our phones :)

 

[Emily123]

Where is god .? if he exists , He is resposible for all the pain and suffering that I had . he needs to ask for forgivness for what he did to me .

 

[Yoko26]

Where is god .? if he exists , He is resposible for all the pain and suffering that I had . he needs to ask for forgivness for what he did to me .

My dear Emily I stopped believing in god after my husbands loss... I wish I could hug you

 

[BlueWidow]

Where is god .? if he exists , He is resposible for all the pain and suffering that I had . he needs to ask for forgivness for what he did to me .

My dear Emily I stopped believing in god after my husbands loss... I wish I could hug you

There is no "loving God" that would leave any of us as broken, battered, and bereaved as we all are. If there is a God, we will all stand before him and ask him what possible reason he could have for doing this to us- all of us.
How could he take away the most important thing in all of our lives and expect us to go on as if our futures hadn't been blown apart.
I, too, wish I could give both of you a big hug.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

So much heartbreak here... wish I could share some love with all of you.

my situation is less mature than a lot of yours (3 years only, No marriage) but I know from previous years of dating and just instinct I had found and lost my one true soul mate. I knew the whole time we were dating if anything happened to her, i would quickly follow her into the afterlife. The same was not expected in reverse - rather i wanted her to move on and live a long and healthy life full of love without me.

She is still very much alive. I hope my CTB will not affect her too greatly, but it is a choice I have to make for myself