Venting Lost and trying to understand myself.

[FailureGirl]

Feeling really really lost lately.. my doctor insists on putting my meds back up but I don't want to just cover the problem anymore, iv been on meds for half my life now for my "mood" and I just want to understand myself what's happening in my head but they say if the meds work just keep taking them but do they really work?

Maybe I want to just learn what it's like to be me to understand the things I see that they don't see and the voices in my head, atleast they keep me company.

And the constant minor disassociation is actually kind of nice but there are moments where everything feels like a dream and I don't understand what's happening but those are rare, when I go emotionally numb it's weird and confusing knowing that something is missing.

I just don't even know I mean I'm doing life but I feel lost and confused but I don't want to go back to how I was on the higher dose... when my feelings felt like paint on a empty shell.

 

[Endtimes1]

Feeling really really lost lately.. my doctor insists on putting my meds back up but I don't want to just cover the problem anymore, iv been on meds for half my life now for my "mood" and I just want to understand myself what's happening in my head but they say if the meds work just keep taking them but do they really work?

Maybe I want to just learn what it's like to be me to understand the things I see that they don't see and the voices in my head, atleast they keep me company.

And the constant minor disassociation is actually kind of nice but there are moments where everything feels like a dream and I don't understand what's happening but those are rare, when I go emotionally numb it's weird and confusing knowing that something is missing.

I just don't even know I mean I'm doing life but I feel lost and confused but I don't want to go back to how I was on the higher dose... when my feelings felt like paint on a empty shell.

Sounds like good thoughts that you have. Before they put you on meds did they try with you sticking to a strict routine of getting enough with sleep and doing physical exercise several times a week, especially cardio?

If not, and you want to try without meds, this is a good thing to try.

 

[Graytaichi]

Seems like the meds are doing a good job from detering you from sucide.

 

[FailureGirl]

Seems like the meds are doing a good job from detering you from sucide.

Not really iv been on the meds since I was 15 and hav attempted suicide over half a dozen times since then with half of them being in the last 12 months.

Sounds like good thoughts that you have. Before they put you on meds did they try with you sticking to a strict routine of getting enough with sleep and doing physical exercise several times a week, especially cardio?

If not, and you want to try without meds, this is a good thing to try.

No the first Dr at 15 seid I wasn't hallucinating and I was seeing ghosts which was the last thing I wanted to hear so he just put me straight on epilepsy medicine then I later spiraled into depressed trying to ctb at 19 the psych ward seid I was on the wrong meds and put me on "mood stabilizer" because I ..feel too much ...their words.

 

[Graytaichi]

U need to try different meds . There is no one med for everyone. Everyone reacts differently from different meds

 

[chronicallybroken]

It sounds like you would benefit from some counselling or talk therapy, to try and get to the bottom of your issues and understand yourself. Meds can help, but it sounds like you're aware of there being more to it than a chemical imbalance.

 

[FailureGirl]

It sounds like you would benefit from some counselling or talk therapy, to try and get to the bottom of your issues and understand yourself. Meds can help, but it sounds like you're aware of there being more to it than a chemical imbalance.

Iv seen different councillors over the years and 2 different psychologists one of which was really good but I moved and was forced to change to my current one they've done some things for my ptsd trauma but I'm at a point we're I cant tell her things and wana stop but I worry I won't be able see someone different as it took 4 month to get this psychologist.

When iv tried to tell her how I feel she just goes on about how I was doing so good late last year... But I wasnt I was in a hotel sitting in front of 2 cups of sn. I just can't say it to her.

 

[Hollowman]

U need to try different meds . There is no one med for everyone. Everyone reacts differently from different meds

You don't know what anybody needs.

 

[Graytaichi]

Iv seen different councillors over the years and 2 different psychologists one of which was really good but I moved and was forced to change to my current one they've done some things for my ptsd trauma but I'm at a point we're I cant tell her things and wana stop but I worry I won't be able see someone different as it took 4 month to get this psychologist.

When iv tried to tell her how I feel she just goes on about how I was doing so good late last year... But I wasnt I was in a hotel sitting in front of 2 cups of sn. I just can't say it to her.

psychologists dont take meds. They only prescrip.

You don't know what anybody needs.

Of course i dont know what meds are most suitable for op.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Meds are tricky. I was on them for decades. It definitely elevated my mood but it ended up gaslighting me. It was exactly like you said like painting an empty shell. I was ignoring deeper problems and ended up spending too much money and digging myself in a financial hole… Assuming the best was right around the corner when I was actually like one of those cartoon characters it runs off a cliff and is still running in midair just before plummeting… Now I'm in the plumbing part…
Maybe the meds are keeping you halfway sane… Sometimes it's a matter of trying different meds until you find the right ones… Be careful of generic meds… Apparently they are not quality

 

[FailureGirl]

Meds are tricky. I was on them for decades. It definitely elevated my mood but it ended up gaslighting me. It was exactly like you said like painting an empty shell. I was ignoring deeper problems and ended up spending too much money and digging myself in a financial hole… Assuming the best was right around the corner when I was actually like one of those cartoon characters it runs off a cliff and is still running in midair just before plummeting… Now I'm in the plumbing part…
Maybe the meds are keeping you halfway sane… Sometimes it's a matter of trying different meds until you find the right ones… Be careful of generic meds… Apparently they are not quality

Thank you. My meds are a 1/4 of what I was taking previously and i now suffer nausea when im stressed so every day so maybe il go back to half and try to talk to my doctor about trying something else hopefully he'll listen but I doubt it and I can't change as the others doctors here are worse but I should atleast try.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are going through this, I cannot even imagine how hard it must be. This life really is so tiring. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief.