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lixiane
New Member
- Jul 12, 2024
- 2
i used to think that maybe i was being overdramatic, that the way i felt was just me overthinking. i had hope that i would "grow out of it" eventually, which is the only thing that really kept me going. i've had a lot of bad things happen to me, but i think this year was my breaking point. i had never had anything formally diagnosed, which is what convinced me i was imagining things, but a few weeks ago i was diagnosed with both anxiety and depression. i tried to push it away, the diagnoses meant nothing to me. but then, i had a breakdown, i suddenly didnt want to eat anything, i fainted while showering, and i felt so much pain emotionally. it had gotten so bad that before i realized it i was harming myself, slitting my wrists for the first time. i used to resort to burning my skin (and that in itself was very rare). it was the first time i've ever intentionally cut myself. all of this has made me lose all hope. everything feels too real for me now. it's like a slap in the face, a reality check. i can't even bring myself to do anything anymore, since i was holding on to the idea that i wasnt actually feeling these things. everytime i look at my wrists i feel so guilty. i just can't believe i let myself get this bad. the second after i realized what i was doing, i felt relief, like i just relieved some pressure i had, but after i slept for a while and woke up, i was horrified of what i've done to myself. i just want this all to go away, but i have to face it everytime i look at my wrists now. it's like physical proof of what i feel, and that terrifies me.