I'm losing my husband more day after day. He goes off for hours, just driving. He's rather do anything else than spend time with me. He probably stays with me only for financial stability. I actually think he's cheating on me. Although it makes me sad that he probably doesn't love me anymore, it might actually be kind of relieving that he has someone else in his life. I would feel less guilty about ending my own life. He'd have someone to help him pick up the pieces and someone with whom to carry on.
I'm losing my motivation. I was submitting several job applications each week, thinking something might lead to a better life. I haven't in several weeks. I'm just not interested in carrying through anymore. These are most for academic positions or executive type positions and the applications take quite a bit of time. It just doesn't seem worth it anymore. It's like I've finally accepted my fate.
I'm losing more friends. The number of people in my support circle continues to dwindle. I'm just too much for some people. Or they just think it's better to not know me. I had a very dear friend to whom I've left some of my most valued possessions in my will. I sent him a final message the day I thought I was going to kill myself, almost five months ago. He knows I didn't die, and yet he's never responded.
I've lost so much already. I think one of the major things I've been battling during these last few suicidal months is that I feel like I may still have things to lose. I may have had the potential for a great new job, or for a great married life. Those delusions are fading away. I think I'll know I'm ready when I'm convinced there's nothing left to lose. I'm slowly getting there.
I'm losing my motivation. I was submitting several job applications each week, thinking something might lead to a better life. I haven't in several weeks. I'm just not interested in carrying through anymore. These are most for academic positions or executive type positions and the applications take quite a bit of time. It just doesn't seem worth it anymore. It's like I've finally accepted my fate.
I'm losing more friends. The number of people in my support circle continues to dwindle. I'm just too much for some people. Or they just think it's better to not know me. I had a very dear friend to whom I've left some of my most valued possessions in my will. I sent him a final message the day I thought I was going to kill myself, almost five months ago. He knows I didn't die, and yet he's never responded.
I've lost so much already. I think one of the major things I've been battling during these last few suicidal months is that I feel like I may still have things to lose. I may have had the potential for a great new job, or for a great married life. Those delusions are fading away. I think I'll know I'm ready when I'm convinced there's nothing left to lose. I'm slowly getting there.
