Losing Forum Members

[Angi]

This is a suicide forum, I get it. People here may leave, and being here probably counts as a warning for that. But now I am experiencing what this actually feels like, and I am wondering if someone who has been here longer than me would like to share how they deal with the potentially ephemeral bonds formed.

I have been writing with someone who shares some of my trauma. Who understands some of the weird feelings. We could talk about things other people evidently cannot handle. Even though we mostly did not, it was really comforting. She was my informal recovery partner.

She has been getting worse lately, and now her account is banned. I do not know if it was a self-ban or if she was actually banned, but I am guessing the former. (Anyone know if I can find this out?) Also, I have no way of knowing whether she is gone or hospitalized. How would I, I am just a brief encounter on the internet. I hope she is in less pain than she was, but I feel she is gone and I am very sad.

Anybody wants to share how they deal with this?

 

[AnestheticVoid]

How do you even know it was a she? Like you said it's community of suicidal people. Not being able to have your cake and eat it too proved to be true in my experience. I'm sorry you miss your friend I don't mean to be rude.

 

[Angi]

How do you even know it was a she? Like you said it's community of suicidal people. Not being able to have your cake and eat it too proved to be true in my experience. I'm sorry you miss your friend I don't mean to be rude.

Funny the quality you pick out is gender. I find this the easiest to confirm about people online! She gave me a female first name and did not specify pronouns, so she is a she until she tells me otherwise, same as offline. Online, I cannot peek into her pants, but whatever she keeps in there is none of my business, anyhow

Would you like to share some of your experience? I am guessing it must be from another suicide community, given that you only joined this place two days ago, I would be interested to know where. Has someone you cared about ctb? I am glad you found a way to deal with this cake.

 

[Crazy4u]

I suggest you reach out to the moderators. I'm sorry I don't have a good advice. I try to avoid making friends online because this is a suicide forum after all.

 

[Foresight]

I think sometimes the mods share a bit of information about bans. I'm not sure though so I don't want to spread false information. Perhaps they don't, but they're the ones I would reach out to if you have questions.

I think I just try to remember that we are all on our own journeys. I think it's beautiful to have even a moment of honest connection and communication. I would be lying if I said you forget. There are people I spoke with years ago that still pop up in my memories. Sudden disappearances are hard and I admit that I am guilty of that myself. I don't know the answer to this one honestly but I still think it's worth the moment. Maybe I'm wrong and it's better to keep distant. I think it's up to where you are and how strong the pull is to speak with someone.

 

[Sherri]

yes the mods, they always been fair and nice to me helped me when I needed something they could help me with.

 

[pole]

it's fine to chat with members and share your personal experiences with someone else that may relate to you.

however, it's also important to refrain from getting close to and forming an emotional attachment to anyone on the forum.

many of us who come here are unstable and are drawn to a pro-choice suicide forum with the intent on also ending our life. who knows if the person your speaking with today will be here tomorrow.

members in the past who fail to set boundaries beforehand get attached too quickly. this results in them being heartbroken and blindsided by another members death OR in extreme cases, feeling like they must intervene by any means necessary due to this emotional attachment they have formed, which then involves doxing, sending authorities to your home, and trying their best to talk you out of your plans. all of which is justified in their head behind this idea that they care deeply about you.

thus, it's best members learn to set boundaries FOR YOURSELF. don't expect anything to come out of a certain bond you form and also try your best to not cling onto someone, understanding that they have their own story that may very well end tomorrow or the next day. it's for your own good.

 

[Symbiote]

People come and go often, this is a transient community so it's normal that people tend to self-ban so they can either recover or start preparing for their death. Some of us don't like to have anything that can be traced back to this community. It would be the same if you were tying up loose ends, making arrangements, giving away items, and making amends with friends and family.

As for me, I've come across some wonderful people in this community whom are no longer here on this Earth. I respect their choices in life and their decisions whether they CTB or recover. It is bittersweet and I do miss them, and I understand their decisions. I move on, and know in the back of my mind that they are at peace which is what I wanted for them to be at no matter what stage of life they're in.

 

[sadnurse]

it's fine to chat with members and share your personal experiences with someone else that may relate to you.

however, it's also important to refrain from getting close to and forming an emotional attachment to anyone on the forum.

many of us who come here are unstable and are drawn to a pro-choice suicide forum with the intent on also ending our life. who knows if the person your speaking with today will be here tomorrow.

members in the past who fail to set boundaries beforehand get attached too quickly. this results in them being heartbroken and blindsided by another members death OR in extreme cases, feeling like they must intervene by any means necessary due to this emotional attachment they have formed, which then involves doxing, sending authorities to your home, and trying their best to talk you out of your plans. all of which is justified in their head behind this idea that they care deeply about you.

thus, it's best members learn to set boundaries. don't expect anything to come out of a certain bond you form and also try your best to not cling onto someone, understanding that they have their own story that may very well end tomorrow or the next day. it's for your own good.

I just learned this the hard way

 

[Angi]

Thank you for sharing your approaches! So much of this resonates with me!

I think sometimes the mods share a bit of information about bans. I'm not sure though so I don't want to spread false information. Perhaps they don't, but they're the ones I would reach out to if you have questions.

I think I just try to remember that we are all on our own journeys. I think it's beautiful to have even a moment of honest connection and communication. I would be lying if I said you forget. There are people I spoke with years ago that still pop up in my memories. Sudden disappearances are hard and I admit that I am guilty of that myself. I don't know the answer to this one honestly but I still think it's worth the moment. Maybe I'm wrong and it's better to keep distant. I think it's up to where you are and how strong the pull is to speak with someone.

Wow, this is beautiful to read! Yes, I hear the advice to keep distant, but I guess I am just not that kind of person. Maybe I can go your way and be transiently close to the wonderful people I meet. Yes, we are all on our own journeys, but I deem it worthwile to share a few steps with others. Thanks you for contributing to mine!

thus, it's best members learn to set boundaries. ... it's for your own good.

You definitely have a point. A big one, not just for this forum. One that I will eventually learn, or it will break my neck. You make it sound easy though, like saying "it's best members learn to be happy." I am working on it at the moment, if you want to elaborate on how you got there, I would be very interested to read.

People come and go often, this is a transient community so it's normal that people tend to self-ban so they can either recover or start preparing for their death. Some of us don't like to have anything that can be traced back to this community. It would be the same if you were tying up loose ends, making arrangements, giving away items, and making amends with friends and family.

As for me, I've come across some wonderful people in this community whom are no longer here on this Earth. I respect their choices in life and their decisions whether they CTB or recover. It is bittersweet and I do miss them, and I understand their decisions. I move on, and know in the back of my mind that they are at peace which is what I wanted for them to be at no matter what stage of life they're in.

Thank you, this is also very helpful. I see why people would choose to tie up their loose ends. I have started doing so myself and I keep worrying if people around me will notice.

I do understand her decision to leave. I feels weird to say this, given that we spoke mostly about the common things and this particular one is different for me, at the moment. But I respect her choice, and I very much hope she found the path of minimal pain.

 

[myopybyproxy]

it's fine to chat with members and share your personal experiences with someone else that may relate to you.

however, it's also important to refrain from getting close to and forming an emotional attachment to anyone on the forum.

many of us who come here are unstable and are drawn to a pro-choice suicide forum with the intent on also ending our life. who knows if the person your speaking with today will be here tomorrow.

members in the past who fail to set boundaries beforehand get attached too quickly. this results in them being heartbroken and blindsided by another members death OR in extreme cases, feeling like they must intervene by any means necessary due to this emotional attachment they have formed, which then involves doxing, sending authorities to your home, and trying their best to talk you out of your plans. all of which is justified in their head behind this idea that they care deeply about you.

thus, it's best members learn to set boundaries. don't expect anything to come out of a certain bond you form and also try your best to not cling onto someone, understanding that they have their own story that may very well end tomorrow or the next day. it's for your own good.

this is exactly the advice for any connections ^

people irl will act irrationally because the idea of you choosing to exit makes them uncomfortable and they dislike ripples in the status quo

 

[whatevs]

it's fine to chat with members and share your personal experiences with someone else that may relate to you.

however, it's also important to refrain from getting close to and forming an emotional attachment to anyone on the forum.

many of us who come here are unstable and are drawn to a pro-choice suicide forum with the intent on also ending our life. who knows if the person your speaking with today will be here tomorrow.

members in the past who fail to set boundaries beforehand get attached too quickly. this results in them being heartbroken and blindsided by another members death OR in extreme cases, feeling like they must intervene by any means necessary due to this emotional attachment they have formed, which then involves doxing, sending authorities to your home, and trying their best to talk you out of your plans. all of which is justified in their head behind this idea that they care deeply about you.

thus, it's best members learn to set boundaries FOR YOURSELF. don't expect anything to come out of a certain bond you form and also try your best to not cling onto someone, understanding that they have their own story that may very well end tomorrow or the next day. it's for your own good.

One thing that I learned the hard way about life through the Internet is that the single most important thing you can use to ascertain a general sense of how a person is... Where did you met them? This is a simple but proven technique. People online are bullshitters, but one thing that you can´t hide is where you choose to dwell. It says a lot about you. Thus, if you make friends in a suicide forum you need to be aware of what you said. But this can be applied to any setting. Behind the acceptable front that we all put on when meeting someone there is the real you, and the things that you are drawn to are part of this real self that we beautify for other people.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, this community has definitely been a big part of my life since I joined but I don't really seek to make strong bonds with anyone. I don't want to become too emotionally attached to anybody on here or even in the physical world. My whole purpose in life is to survive the best I can, share my experiences and eventually exit this so called reality. So, people on here will come and go as they please and that's how it should be. I just hope everybody on here finds peace and contentment no matter whether they choose live or die. Death will claim us all anyway. Everything is impermanent.

 

[Angi]

Everything is impermanent.

Indeed. Somehow, remembering this helps with so many different problems! I will write it on my wall. Maybe with permanent marker.

One thing that I learned the hard way about life through the Internet is that the single most important thing you can use to ascertain a general sense of how a person is... Where did you met them? This is a simple but proven technique. People online are bullshitters, but one thing that you can´t hide is where you choose to dwell. It says a lot about you. Thus, if you make friends in a suicide forum you need to be aware of what you said. But this can be applied to any setting. Behind the acceptable front that we all put on when meeting someone there is the real you, and the things that you are drawn to are part of this real self that we beautify for other people.

Very interesting point. I think I had already applied it to the person in question, but this should work for so many other areas of life as well. Who knew one can learn for life on a suicide forum, ha!

 

[stellabelle]

This is a suicide forum, I get it. People here may leave, and being here probably counts as a warning for that. But now I am experiencing what this actually feels like, and I am wondering if someone who has been here longer than me would like to share how they deal with the potentially ephemeral bonds formed.

I have been writing with someone who shares some of my trauma. Who understands some of the weird feelings. We could talk about things other people evidently cannot handle. Even though we mostly did not, it was really comforting. She was my informal recovery partner.

She has been getting worse lately, and now her account is banned. I do not know if it was a self-ban or if she was actually banned, but I am guessing the former. (Anyone know if I can find this out?) Also, I have no way of knowing whether she is gone or hospitalized. How would I, I am just a brief encounter on the internet. I hope she is in less pain than she was, but I feel she is gone and I am very sad.

Anybody wants to share how they deal with this?

Same as anybody passing by, I guess.
Gone in the wind.