bun
♡
- Mar 4, 2025
- 17
Hi, bun here. I'm feeling really hurt over being abandoned by the one person that changed everything for me, i really wanted to be better for him. the reason we broke up was because he was disgusted with me for how i liked paraphilias (not proud of it at all) i like certain paraphilias over the fact i got sex trafficked, getting raped countless of times wires your brain differently. I enabled my behaviour around him because i felt really safe with him.. And i never thought he would use it against me, he ended up leaking my intimate photos, having his friends harass me etc. I would have never done this to him ever, i can't believe things between us are really over i can't believe this,, he tried pressuring me into telling him my body count after learning i got sex trafficked and how i was 'passed around' i never wanted this, i trusted him with my trauma and he used it against me.... After learning about my SA he refused to have sex with me without protection, and forced me to get tested. And even after being tested i was losing a lot of weight due to my ED and my illness he told me that "Aids make people lose a lot of weight quickly" And thats really something that broke my heart... The last few weeks with him i felt so dirty and gross. I don't know what to even do with myself, theres nothing left for me. I have cancer, remission never lasts for long so its bound to come back if i stop taking my medication, im debating causing a relapse to ctb and not telling anyone that the cancers back, im really just... So miserable and i'l never be happy the only way out is to CTB!
