Venting Looks matter

[tj3333]

My friends have started to ignore me and tell me that it's not true but it is. All there is in life is looks and size and if you're not petite and fragile as a woman you're invisible. That's all anybody ever wants are these tiny little women and they'll either put up with a bad personality or a boring personality just to say they have a woman who looks the one way women are allowed to look. I've self harmed over this before. I gave my number to someone after obsessing over it for a few months and it turned out he's with some tiny little skinny boring girl and it's just a constant reminder that I'll never be good enough because the shape of my body isn't what it should be and it wouldn't be right even if I lost weight. My guy friends tell me it doesn't matter but it does, I see the same women receive love all the time and they are really all the same. It's almost mandatory to have a certain look and to conform and be raised a specific way and to act a specific way and if you don't fit into this little tiny box, if you're not some tiny, fragile little thing with nothing to say, nobody wants you. My friends won't talk to me about it anymore and they ignore me and tell me it's not true but it is true. I see it every single day and I don't want to anymore. I still obsess over this guy strictly because he's dating the type of girl that men actually want, the one type of girl that men can actually tolerate because they need someone to show off to their friends. I'm so tired of it, I feel like I'm going to have to settle in my life because of the way that I look.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

My friends have started to ignore me and tell me that it's not true but it is. All there is in life is looks and size and if you're not petite and fragile as a woman you're invisible. That's all anybody ever wants are these tiny little women and they'll either put up with a bad personality or a boring personality just to say they have a woman who looks the one way women are allowed to look. I've self harmed over this before. I gave my number to someone after obsessing over it for a few months and it turned out he's with some tiny little skinny boring girl and it's just a constant reminder that I'll never be good enough because the shape of my body isn't what it should be and it wouldn't be right even if I lost weight. My guy friends tell me it doesn't matter but it does, I see the same women receive love all the time and they are really all the same. It's almost mandatory to have a certain look and to conform and be raised a specific way and to act a specific way and if you don't fit into this little tiny box, if you're not some tiny, fragile little thing with nothing to say, nobody wants you. My friends won't talk to me about it anymore and they ignore me and tell me it's not true but it is true. I see it every single day and I don't want to anymore. I still obsess over this guy strictly because he's dating the type of girl that men actually want, the one type of girl that men can actually tolerate because they need someone to show off to their friends. I'm so tired of it, I feel like I'm going to have to settle in my life because of the way that I look.

Whoah, this sounds a little misandristic. I'm literally shaking, reading this as a man.

First of all, I'm really sorry that you're dealing with loneliness and I have nothing against you personally--obviously. But I'm just so sad that people see men in this way.

First of all, no one is ENTITLED to a man's body. Secondly, not all men need "someone to show off to their friends", maybe your attitude is the true reason for not finding a man?

 

[NotSureToEndure]

Fuck what 'they' think! Honestly, i'm sorry you're feeling like this, but maybe you need to mix with some new people, if you're not getting the attention you desire.

I'm sure it's easier said than done, but try not to obsess over someone who is not returning the attention. If you're not sure about dating apps you could try joining some clubs/groups that share your interests. You never know, you might find someone that way - it's not all about looks, and everybody has different likes and dislikes, despite that common misconception that all men like the same thing!

 

[Superdeterminist]

I'm really sorry about your frustrations. You're right, looks do matter, X appearance everyone loves, but Y appearance few to none like. There is no fairness to it, and it's just awful. Things can change for people but because the future is uncomputable, we don't know how it's gonna change, so we're just flying blind. I hope you find happiness.

 

[tj3333]

Whoah, this sounds a little misandristic. I'm literally shaking, reading this as a man.

First of all, I'm really sorry that you're dealing with loneliness and I have nothing against you personally--obviously. But I'm just so sad that people see men in this way.

First of all, no one is ENTITLED to a man's body. Secondly, not all men need "someone to show off to their friends", maybe your attitude is the true reason for not finding a man?

I don't feel entitled I'm just tired of seeing men with women who all look the same. I'm not demanding anyone of anything it's just the way life worlds and it's fucking frustrating

 

[Snake of Eden]

Whoah, this sounds a little misandristic. I'm literally shaking, reading this as a man.

First of all, I'm really sorry that you're dealing with loneliness and I have nothing against you personally--obviously. But I'm just so sad that people see men in this way.

First of all, no one is ENTITLED to a man's body. Secondly, not all men need "someone to show off to their friends", maybe your attitude is the true reason for not finding a man?

 

[Chinaski]

Whoah, this sounds a little misandristic. I'm literally shaking, reading this as a man.

First of all, I'm really sorry that you're dealing with loneliness and I have nothing against you personally--obviously. But I'm just so sad that people see men in this way.

First of all, no one is ENTITLED to a man's body. Secondly, not all men need "someone to show off to their friends", maybe your attitude is the true reason for not finding a man?

Yeah the difference here is the op didn't discuss men in objectifying terms, didn't present their issues with loneliness and rejection entirely through the prism of sex, didn't express any entitlement to sex, didn't do needlessly crude talk as if there weren't going to be any men reading this, didn't suggest she was somehow persecuted because she hadn't had sex recently, didn't seek advice on how to procure sex workers, etc etc...

Body/image issues are absolutely a thing, nobody on this forum has ever sought to refute that tbh - although it's a relatively new thing for men imho. It could also be argued that leaping in to a thread like this purely to use it as a legitimisation of some of the seedier incel rhetoric is also low-key misogyny but l cba to do that rn.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I have a friend who is very tall and not super thin. I know she's had thoughts just like yours about men mostly wanting shorter, smaller girls. I think online dating has made it really rough for people who fall even slightly outside of average. Men and women.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

My friends have started to ignore me and tell me that it's not true but it is. All there is in life is looks and size and if you're not petite and fragile as a woman you're invisible. That's all anybody ever wants are these tiny little women and they'll either put up with a bad personality or a boring personality just to say they have a woman who looks the one way women are allowed to look. I've self harmed over this before. I gave my number to someone after obsessing over it for a few months and it turned out he's with some tiny little skinny boring girl and it's just a constant reminder that I'll never be good enough because the shape of my body isn't what it should be and it wouldn't be right even if I lost weight. My guy friends tell me it doesn't matter but it does, I see the same women receive love all the time and they are really all the same. It's almost mandatory to have a certain look and to conform and be raised a specific way and to act a specific way and if you don't fit into this little tiny box, if you're not some tiny, fragile little thing with nothing to say, nobody wants you. My friends won't talk to me about it anymore and they ignore me and tell me it's not true but it is true. I see it every single day and I don't want to anymore. I still obsess over this guy strictly because he's dating the type of girl that men actually want, the one type of girl that men can actually tolerate because they need someone to show off to their friends. I'm so tired of it, I feel like I'm going to have to settle in my life because of the way that I look.

It's true a lot of men have a type but not all men are like that. I have gone on dates with men who would look me up and down inspecting me like a piece of meat and squeeze my waist and thighs and such as if I didn't know they were inspecting me for fat. Those men made me want to vomit. I have also dated men who objected to me losing any weight. You just have to know the type of man you want and how to attract him. You use different techniques because not all men are the same and the same goes for women. There were a couple of really attractive guys that I went to grade school and high school with that I thought I would never have a chance with. I grow up and find out they are married to women less attractive than me. And I think about it further and realize they used to flirt with me and I had no clue at the time. Anyway, personality is important as well. Don't obsess with the way you look too much and definitely try not to compare yourself to other women.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Looks matter but they're not the most important thing. Don't give up entirely you can find a deeper connection, start with friends at first. People will like it more if you share interest in them, make them laugh, feel appreciated and all this.

Plus everything thrive said.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Guess I should let everyone know that my post wasn't very serious, since that only got through to a few people... Really didn't expect a reply of this sort, and don't really want to respond to a strawman of a joke-post (basically derailing the thread in the process). But I don't have anything better to do...

Yeah the difference here is the op didn't discuss men in objectifying terms, didn't present their issues with loneliness and rejection entirely through the prism of sex, didn't express any entitlement to sex, didn't do needlessly crude talk as if there weren't going to be any men reading this, didn't suggest she was somehow persecuted because she hadn't had sex recently, didn't seek advice on how to procure sex workers, etc etc...

Difference? Not sure what you think I was comparing it to. The "slam piece" guy? Someone saying something worse about women isn't relevant here.

It could also be argued that leaping in to a thread like this purely to use it as a legitimisation of some of the seedier incel rhetoric is also low-key misogyny but l cba to do that rn.

And..?

 

[Chinaski]

Guess I should let everyone know that my post wasn't very serious, since that only got through to a few people... Really didn't expect a reply of this sort, and don't really want to respond to a strawman of a joke-post (basically derailing the thread in the process). But I don't have anything better to do...

Difference? Not sure what you think I was comparing it to. The "slam piece" guy? Someone saying something worse about women isn't relevant here.


And..?

Yeah l did gather that it wasn't serious tbf, just felt that if you were going to detract from the op by using it as a means of making a joke at the expense of those who are uncomfortable with the regular HOW DO I GET LAID chat, then this probably needed to be counterbalanced.

 

[Onthe29th]

I'm sorry that you feel that way. I also just happen to be a short woman with a very youthful appearance and I'm also very boring and gloomy and a long term partner so I felt a little attacked. I'm hurt but it's not gonna matter soon.

It's not about you or those girls. The problem is, the media has trained us to believe that certain types of people look a certain way and that couldn't be further from the truth. People judge you on your appearance before they even get to know you. It's fucked up but it has its advantages and disadvantages. For example, people probably don't try to mess with you or tease you a lot, or treat you like a child which I absolutely loathe .

Just know that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side and make the best out of your situation.

 

[Salkak]

If your friends are treating you badly based on your looks, they are not your friends and probably are really shitty people.If possible look for better friends.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

That's all anybody ever wants are these tiny little women

Hey don't speak for all of us, there are plenty of men that love an amazon.

 

[Noctis]

You just need to find the right people. Try to find groups based on interest.

I used to be quite active in the swinger scene. I think looks were far less important in those spaces than on Tinder. It was mostly two kinds of people: the ones who were having a good time and enjoyed the company of other fun people, and the ones who were only there to get as high a body count as they could. Neither of those people cared much about looks.

If that doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy, then find a group that focuses on an interest you DO have. Most guys I know would literally sell their own mother for a girl that played video games and read comic books. I'm sure there are lots of guys that share your hobbies (whatever they are) and would love to get to know you.

Dating apps are 100% focused on looks, that's true. You just have to find a group that's focused on something you excel at.

 

[Beer]

I agree, looks are the most important aspect, that's my reason for ctb

 

[ThriveOrDie]

I think dating apps have made everyone who uses them more shallow, women included. Sadly, I feel I am a little more shallow after using them. I stopped using them a few years ago.

It's true that attractive people have opportunities that us mediocre or unattractive don't have but it's not the most important thing. I think it is important to not compare yourself to others. There is only so much one can do to improve their appearance.

 

[saveusy2n]

My friends have started to ignore me and tell me that it's not true but it is. All there is in life is looks and size and if you're not petite and fragile as a woman you're invisible. That's all anybody ever wants are these tiny little women and they'll either put up with a bad personality or a boring personality just to say they have a woman who looks the one way women are allowed to look. I've self harmed over this before. I gave my number to someone after obsessing over it for a few months and it turned out he's with some tiny little skinny boring girl and it's just a constant reminder that I'll never be good enough because the shape of my body isn't what it should be and it wouldn't be right even if I lost weight. My guy friends tell me it doesn't matter but it does, I see the same women receive love all the time and they are really all the same. It's almost mandatory to have a certain look and to conform and be raised a specific way and to act a specific way and if you don't fit into this little tiny box, if you're not some tiny, fragile little thing with nothing to say, nobody wants you. My friends won't talk to me about it anymore and they ignore me and tell me it's not true but it is true. I see it every single day and I don't want to anymore. I still obsess over this guy strictly because he's dating the type of girl that men actually want, the one type of girl that men can actually tolerate because they need someone to show off to their friends. I'm so tired of it, I feel like I'm going to have to settle in my life because of the way that I look.

Looks do matter a lot Sadly. But to be real, generally since you are a Woman, I would say don't lose hope. Stop obsessing over low iq good looking guys. I know there would be some guys who might like you but they won't be perfect looking Men. Normally Women who can't get boyfriends just need to lower their standards. I also don't like how you say those skinny girls are boring and dumb. Skinny girls also face a lot of undermining etc from the society and maybe you are just kinda jealous of those girls which makes you say these, but its better if you don't judge someone just like that. I know many interesting based girls who have to act like a skinny slut to get attention. I'm not slut shaming anyone but its just what society makes them otherwise they are just not acceptable it seems. One of my friends is very hot and she forces herself to confirm to these standards. I have a girlfriend rn who is also very hot, but is one of the best people I have ever seen ever. Although I recognize that Looks>personality, you can't be salty about other girls

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Sadly, I feel the same way… It's not just women, it's everything.

I no longer believe that if I'm nice or the nice version of myself I'll find salvation as considering the experience, all it's ever lead to was just being treated as a doormat and just being used. But in truth, they've gravely underestimated me. And if you're like me, with something to prove, you've been underestimated. And it's time to show your worth, if you have any fight left in you to do so. I'll give it my all, and I'll take what is mine. No more being forced to experience the lite version while others get to experience the premium version for free.

Let's rewrite the rules and turn the pecking order in on its head together!

 

[idiotstillwantstodie]

I feel like I'm going to have to settle in my life because of the way that I look.

Welcome to reality.

Im a man but i have a similar problem, with me its my face more than my body. I still get some matches from the dating apps that i use, but roughly half of them are obese women. To me, and i would guess most people, having too much weight is a major turn-off. I wouldnt want to pair up with a person who doesnt find me sexually attractive either (except when paying for it). I prefer solitude to being a sucker. There is nothing personal about any of it, if that helps to know.

Im not saying its easy to lose weight, i never had to. But at least its possible.

 

[likeokaybutwhy]

I hear you, and I wish our society was different. IMO- you can be the juiciest peach, and some people still won't like peaches. Our society is shallow regardless of gender- this totally occurs on a spectrum for everyone, btw. Bias is a pain.
That said- if someone is shallow, you don't want to be around them as a friend or lover. Those hottie relationships won't last long and if they do, are they happy? Beauty fades. Ugly insides shine through forever and ever.

 

[waitingforrest]

Yep. Couldn't agree more. Looks do matter and it's so deeply rooted in our minds as a young age. Everything is a trend nowadays, don't fit in and you will be treated as less than.

Even I, as someone who knows ostracization, find myself making judgments before I know anything about them. It hurts to see everyone acting so accepting and body positive, but look disgusted when someone doesn't meet our standards. I have heard from men that if they date an "ugly" women, they are seen as less masculine. Same can be said for anything out of the norm, really.

I think that it is very easy to hate incels for their beliefs. (I don't agree with them) But no one is born believing x or x is bad. I have met people that hate all men or women and most of them aren't bad people. If anything they are defensive because of their past dating experiences. Bitter because rejection is all they know.

Building confidence and not needing the approval of others is comparable to swimming upstream. It's easier said than done. Sometimes, I just get tired of trying to not care when all I really want is just someone to hold me. I hope that you find someone that values you. And I don't think your beliefs are wrong, they are your beliefs after all.

 

[Wrennie]

I have faith that Orthotropics will eventually become widespread enough to spare the newer generations from needless sickness and suffering (sleep apnea, TMJ & craniofacial dystrophy) inflicted upon them by the corrupt orthodontic profession.

Incels would also be a lot less common if medical "professionals" weren't actively thwarting peoples' proper gene expression & development via psychiatric intervention and other forms of barbarism.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Incels would also be a lot less common if medical "professionals" weren't actively thwarting peoples' proper gene expression & development.

Sorry I have to bite. Wtf?

 

[Wrennie]

Sorry I have to bite. Wtf?

Google Orthotropics. See what modern orthodontic and dental practices are doing to peoples' facial development and overall health/appearance.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Google Orthotropics. See what modern orthodontic and dental practices are doing to peoples' facial development and overall health/appearance.

OK still not entirely sure of the point here... Orthodontists/dentists fucking up people's teeth/faces I guess?

 

[Wrennie]

OK still not entirely sure of the point here... Orthodontics/dentists fucking up people's teeth/faces I guess?

And their health. Sleep apnea is a deadly condition that has drastic effects on cognitive function, and pushing people's teeth further back into their skulls until their tongues obstruct their airways is Mengele-tier medicine.

 

[Chinaski]

And their health. Sleep apnea is a deadly condition that has drastic effects on cognitive function, and pushing people's teeth further back into their skulls until their tongues obstruct their airways is Mengele-tier medicine.

Weird thread derailment but as it is the only dental work l ever had done saw the dentist totally fuck me up with the supposedly simple extraction of a wisdom tooth and the consequences of this have been absolutely disabling.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Can people have some respect or support for OP in this thread. This is a vent thread.