My mother's suddenly told me to get the fuck out after accusing me of all kinds of insane madness despite not speaking to her. I think she's lost it now, it's probably dangerous to be around her. She's involving my abusive nutcase of a father she hasn't spoken to in years after he was in prison and he's probably going to come down and attempt to hurt or kill me. He's that kind of person. She wants me gone by tonight and says she doesn't care what happens anymore, will call the police if I don't comply so it looks like I'm dead either way which I always knew. I was going to run out of time eventually.
So today's the big day! I have around 100ml of oramorph and fentanyl patches somewhere in a cupboard, I'll have to steal them. A little less than I'd have liked :( I have no money left, I had some due to come in from selling my stuff but she's abruptly done this so I won't live to see it.
If I had just a few more days I could use the money coming in to go to a hotel, order N and do it that way. So close yet so far.
Right, I don't have many options for location! it's pretty nerve wracking. I guess I'm just going to have to walk as far as I can, stop somewhere remote or nice, drink and patch up and go to sleep. I could die in this house but I'm not that much of a cunt and I hate it here more than anywhere in the world. This is going to suck, I know... in the cold dark, alone. I really fucking hope this works because I don't want to end up having to throw myself in front of a train. I just hope I don't wake up, I can't afford to fail so I have to take everything I can grab. If I fail I'm completely screwed and will be a homeless wanderer living like an animal and trying to die. I wish I could have gone to Beachyhead. There's other meds I could take too but I'm not sure if they'll be effective. I didn't manage to get antiemetics either. I really hope I don't have to slit my wrists or hang myself, I'm admittedly scared about that. I'll go to sleep and none of this will matter in an instant. That's my hope, my dream. I just wish I had assurance. Hopefully anything on the other side will take some pity and make it easy for me.
If anyone has any last minute words of wisdom I'll listen, anything to make me die faster. Maybe I could restrict oxygen to my brain with a tight noose. By sunrise I shouldn't be alive so to tell me now please. This isn't an attention post, I'm completely serious, I have no reason to believe this isn't going to be it. Good luck everyone and thanks for having me.
So today's the big day! I have around 100ml of oramorph and fentanyl patches somewhere in a cupboard, I'll have to steal them. A little less than I'd have liked :( I have no money left, I had some due to come in from selling my stuff but she's abruptly done this so I won't live to see it.
If I had just a few more days I could use the money coming in to go to a hotel, order N and do it that way. So close yet so far.
Right, I don't have many options for location! it's pretty nerve wracking. I guess I'm just going to have to walk as far as I can, stop somewhere remote or nice, drink and patch up and go to sleep. I could die in this house but I'm not that much of a cunt and I hate it here more than anywhere in the world. This is going to suck, I know... in the cold dark, alone. I really fucking hope this works because I don't want to end up having to throw myself in front of a train. I just hope I don't wake up, I can't afford to fail so I have to take everything I can grab. If I fail I'm completely screwed and will be a homeless wanderer living like an animal and trying to die. I wish I could have gone to Beachyhead. There's other meds I could take too but I'm not sure if they'll be effective. I didn't manage to get antiemetics either. I really hope I don't have to slit my wrists or hang myself, I'm admittedly scared about that. I'll go to sleep and none of this will matter in an instant. That's my hope, my dream. I just wish I had assurance. Hopefully anything on the other side will take some pity and make it easy for me.
If anyone has any last minute words of wisdom I'll listen, anything to make me die faster. Maybe I could restrict oxygen to my brain with a tight noose. By sunrise I shouldn't be alive so to tell me now please. This isn't an attention post, I'm completely serious, I have no reason to believe this isn't going to be it. Good luck everyone and thanks for having me.
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