Looking to OD Painlessly. Any advice?

[MarluxiaX2]

Hey there folks, I'm new to this site. I'm not sure how the rules apply to forums for advice etc but yeah, I need some help.

I'll give you guys the story. Since a child the relationship between my mother and was never great. They met in a bar when my mother was an alcoholic at the time due to the loss of her brother (my Uncle) to suicide. Over time, my twin brother and I popped up.

I was a very happy kid despite the separation from my parents but everything changed when I hit Secondary School. I was bullied a fair bit, I wasn't the smartest kid around and my father was now engaged to another woman. Shortly, they had a son. This made things worse as I rarely saw my dad and straight up stopped helping my mother with child support. We were twins so, obviously everything to be paid for was double. I saw my mother cry a lot, continued to date horrible men who didn't deserve her. Little did I know that this would soon be me in a not so far future.

Age 15, I met my first GF. She was 17. But she was already with a guy, so she cheated on him with me. This guy wanted to kill me, he was bigger, stronger and angry as hell. I was this scrawny kid at the time. The whole experience left me feeling paranoid. The relationship with my EX Continued, and this is where I would see the downfall of my biggest development of who I am.

4 and a half years passed, and a lot happened with her. We were arguing non-stop, constantly breaking up and getting back together. Both our families hated one another and the whole thing was toxic. Then one day, I discovered anxiety for the very first time. She had gotten herself pregnant with me on purpose, by piercing holes in my condom. She was intent on having the baby and there was nothing I could do about it. Soon after, she miscarried. Can't say I was too upset about it but the damage had already been done. I then broke up with her as I found out she was cheating on me. 2016 was the last time I saw her.

But from 2016 to now 2020? Things were only gunna get harder. I went into depression during summer 2016 even though I had no experience with it prior. It was clear those events took something from my mind and soul. I then got a job at Platform 9 3/4 (Harry Potter) Store. Things seemed like they were looking up? But no. I then went on a mad streak of relationship after relationship, date after date and sleeping with diffrent people. I was constantly getting my horn torn in two cause of my shitty depression and anger.

By 2018 April, I had already attempted suicide 3 times, self harmed on two occasions and I was on the cycles of antidepressants including sleeping pills. April 2018 was a bad tipping point for me. I had met a beautiful Irish girl on December of 2017 and we finished on April 2018. I took all of my pills, drank a whole bottle of vodka and tried to throw myself over the London Bridge. However, just as I almost leaped, a couple arrived and the boyfriend grabbed me back down. They prayed for me and held me, I'll never forget them. Once the police and ambulance arrived, I blacked and had a major seizure. After seeing how distraught my family was, I decided that I had to stop my crap.

Flash forward to October 2018, by this point I had left my job and joined up on Uni. I then meet one of my closest friends and met the love of my life. We were brilliant together, the first 7-8 months were brilliant! We planned to move out together and we were making it happen. But then, 2019 April happened. The death of my grandfather happened. The only father role model around my entire life was dead. I then experienced true grief for the very first time in my life.

Plans were already underway to move out of my home but I had no job. The funeral was the end of April, I then had a job by May and moved out by June. You can see that I had no real time to grieve for the loss. What then made it worse was that about a month into moving in, my partner became very very ill and had to fly back out to Lithuania. This left me alone with my thoughts, depressed and suicidal for a week and 4 days. My job at SeaLife was also killing me too.

I've written too much now. So I'll skip to present. My partner broke up with me as the relationship wasn't healthy, I needed to focus on getting better and due to my manic depression episode, she is now terrified of me. She said she would always love me and always care about me, said I needed to live for me from now on. I've lost my job, moved out of our flat and back to my family. I've left University, leaving me at Square one all over again.

But I genuinely want to die... I'm done with this shit. Any thoughts or advice? Positive or negative is welcome.

 

[Onlyborrowedtime]

Hey there folks, I'm new to this site. I'm not sure how the rules apply to forums for advice etc but yeah, I need some help.

I'll give you guys the story. Since a child the relationship between my mother and was never great. They met in a bar when my mother was an alcoholic at the time due to the loss of her brother (my Uncle) to suicide. Over time, my twin brother and I popped up.

I was a very happy kid despite the separation from my parents but everything changed when I hit Secondary School. I was bullied a fair bit, I wasn't the smartest kid around and my father was now engaged to another woman. Shortly, they had a son. This made things worse as I rarely saw my dad and straight up stopped helping my mother with child support. We were twins so, obviously everything to be paid for was double. I saw my mother cry a lot, continued to date horrible men who didn't deserve her. Little did I know that this would soon be me in a not so far future.

Age 15, I met my first GF. She was 17. But she was already with a guy, so she cheated on him with me. This guy wanted to kill me, he was bigger, stronger and angry as hell. I was this scrawny kid at the time. The whole experience left me feeling paranoid. The relationship with my EX Continued, and this is where I would see the downfall of my biggest development of who I am.

4 and a half years passed, and a lot happened with her. We were arguing non-stop, constantly breaking up and getting back together. Both our families hated one another and the whole thing was toxic. Then one day, I discovered anxiety for the very first time. She had gotten herself pregnant with me on purpose, by piercing holes in my condom. She was intent on having the baby and there was nothing I could do about it. Soon after, she miscarried. Can't say I was too upset about it but the damage had already been done. I then broke up with her as I found out she was cheating on me. 2016 was the last time I saw her.

But from 2016 to now 2020? Things were only gunna get harder. I went into depression during summer 2016 even though I had no experience with it prior. It was clear those events took something from my mind and soul. I then got a job at Platform 9 3/4 (Harry Potter) Store. Things seemed like they were looking up? But no. I then went on a mad streak of relationship after relationship, date after date and sleeping with diffrent people. I was constantly getting my horn torn in two cause of my shitty depression and anger.

By 2018 April, I had already attempted suicide 3 times, self harmed on two occasions and I was on the cycles of antidepressants including sleeping pills. April 2018 was a bad tipping point for me. I had met a beautiful Irish girl on December of 2017 and we finished on April 2018. I took all of my pills, drank a whole bottle of vodka and tried to throw myself over the London Bridge. However, just as I almost leaped, a couple arrived and the boyfriend grabbed me back down. They prayed for me and held me, I'll never forget them. Once the police and ambulance arrived, I blacked and had a major seizure. After seeing how distraught my family was, I decided that I had to stop my crap.

Flash forward to October 2018, by this point I had left my job and joined up on Uni. I then meet one of my closest friends and met the love of my life. We were brilliant together, the first 7-8 months were brilliant! We planned to move out together and we were making it happen. But then, 2019 April happened. The death of my grandfather happened. The only father role model around my entire life was dead. I then experienced true grief for the very first time in my life.

Plans were already underway to move out of my home but I had no job. The funeral was the end of April, I then had a job by May and moved out by June. You can see that I had no real time to grieve for the loss. What then made it worse was that about a month into moving in, my partner became very very ill and had to fly back out to Lithuania. This left me alone with my thoughts, depressed and suicidal for a week and 4 days. My job at SeaLife was also killing me too.

I've written too much now. So I'll skip to present. My partner broke up with me as the relationship wasn't healthy, I needed to focus on getting better and due to my manic depression episode, she is now terrified of me. She said she would always love me and always care about me, said I needed to live for me from now on. I've lost my job, moved out of our flat and back to my family. I've left University, leaving me at Square one all over again.

But I genuinely want to die... I'm done with this shit. Any thoughts or advice? Positive or negative is welcome.

I've only skim read through it as I don't have the focus for long reads.

It seems your previous attempts have been pretty impulsive, linked to key trigging events. You seem to have clearly periods of ups and downs. To me that indicates you're probably on a low at the moment and you have chance to swing back to normal (imagine a pendulum).

Have you tried any talking or other treatments other than pills? Have you thought through suicide completely? My advice is you look like you've had a series of shitty unfortunately live events recently. I'm sorry for your pain but I think you've shown things can get better for you and they likely will.

Personally if I was in your shoes I would check out the recovery section and see if you can find help there. Acting implosivly is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

 

[jgm63]

I believe it's possible to get through this.
You're still young.
These problems are not insurmountable in my view.
Just don't try to face them "all in one go".

Here are some possible ideas on the career side of things :

Spoiler: post-582678

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ing-a-terrible-presentation.31363/post-582678

However, we will respect your wishes of course either way.....

 

[Quarky00]

You did not write too much , and detailed things superbly. I'm glad you're able to tell your story, and to remember key events and dates (I cant!). I'm sure it wasn't easy though. But it's a good thing about yourself. Don't be sorry about your ability to tell your story

I have been in abusive relationships that crushed me , and obliterated my mind. Even when not abusive break ups can .. break us. Some of us really need a relationship to survive. With troubled childhood and parents (to say it diplomatically) we are prone , and coupled with losing job , leaving Uni etc -- that's a major crisis.

Being suicidal is not new for you. You have experienced mental illness (hate that term) and had been treated. So you are among similar people here, I think, who share much of your life story and your pain.



I feel that right now you're in an overwhelming emotional distress, i.e. too many things hit you at the same time. What could help you feel better? I don't expect problems to be solved , but can you imagine a scenario where you are a bit more calm, when the pain and misery ease a bit?

Humans need to see some prospects , even vague and faraway in the future , in order to live. Otherwise they are flooded with angst and despair -- and this has become common in our society, among "normal" people , and sadly among most of the young generation.

 

[theguineapigking]

Hey man. I'm so sorry to hear about the trauma you've suffered.

The one girl was really bad. She poked holes which is absolutely horrible. You just don't do that. I'm happy you parted ways...she doesn't deserve you.


You seemed truly happy in the picture you provided. It looked like you were content. When you broke up,was it only because of your depression? Did any of it have to do with her flying back to Lithuania? You said she's terrified of you. Is this because she fears you may kill yourself? Or was it too stressful for her?

Have you tried any meds yet? Is your twin close with you? Can you talk to them or your mom at all?


What about your job do you hate? Customer service?(if so,i do too)


It's so sad to hear you lost your Grandfather. It's never easy to lose someone,especially a father figure. I offer my sincere condolences.

I truly think you have hope in this life. If you have any will to live,maybe you should try some other possibilities. It's easier said than done,but just please consider carefully before you try suicide again. Are you happy that kind couple saved you and cared enough to pray and be there for you? It gave you another chance. Maybe it was for a reason.

Dude,I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I am here for you though. If you want to pm me,feel free to. I don't mind listening to more of what you have to say. Long reads are fine with me.

 

[Largeletters]

My thoughts were most, if not all of this, you will probably have the strength to get through. You've had some terrible experiences, but I'd assume all of us do here. Either way, you seem really strong, and if you receive treatment I have hope in you that you can beat your illnesses and ongoing mental health issues.

I'm very sorry for what you've been through. It's a lot but there's hope for you. I know it and others do, too.

 

[Esc9434]

You have a lot going for you. You have looks and can get women.

Make a out step-by-step plan on what you want to do with your life.

Send time alone thinking about how things went bad, so you don't make the same mistakes.

While alone, continue developing yourself mentally. Learn new skills and things about life that can help you down the line.

Look into alternative medicine to reduce your "mental" stress.

 

[MarluxiaX2]

You have a lot going for you. You have looks and can get women.

Make a out step-by-step plan on what you want to do with your life.

Send time alone thinking about how things went bad, so you don't make the same mistakes.

While alone, continue developing yourself mentally. Learn new skills and things about life that can help you down the line.

Look into alternative medicine to reduce your "mental" stress.

Thank you for this buddy. Regarding spending time alone, it's really difficult for me do far. I got used to sharing a bed with her for a solid year. And now I have to go through this transition unfortunately. Last I took about 15 Kalm Pills and 3 extra seterilian (can't spell it) meds, hoping that something would happen. I'm just back to square one again. No job, no girl, no studies, no cash and no sane state of mind. I dunno man

My thoughts were most, if not all of this, you will probably have the strength to get through. You've had some terrible experiences, but I'd assume all of us do here. Either way, you seem really strong, and if you receive treatment I have hope in you that you can beat your illnesses and ongoing mental health issues.

I'm very sorry for what you've been through. It's a lot but there's hope for you. I know it and others do, too.

Thank you ❤ It hasn't been easy as I suffer from severe night terror too, leaving my nightly routine incredibly restless. It's exhausting and I'm sure other people here are exhausted too. It makes me feel a little better knowing that others that I've never met on this forum have faith that I can get better, including you. Means a lot It seems like everyone's here for each other.

 

[Largeletters]

Thank you for this buddy. Regarding spending time alone, it's really difficult for me do far. I got used to sharing a bed with her for a solid year. And now I have to go through this transition unfortunately. Last I took about 15 Kalm Pills and 3 extra seterilian (can't spell it) meds, hoping that something would happen. I'm just back to square one again. No job, no girl, no studies, no cash and no sane state of mind. I dunno man


Thank you ❤ It hasn't been easy as I suffer from severe night terror too, leaving my nightly routine incredibly restless. It's exhausting and I'm sure other people here are exhausted too. It makes me feel a little better knowing that others that I've never met on this forum have faith that I can get better, including you. Means a lot It seems like everyone's here for each other.

I'm sorry you suffer from night terrors. I can only imagine how shitty that must be.

 

[MarluxiaX2]

Hey man. I'm so sorry to hear about the trauma you've suffered.

The one girl was really bad. She poked holes which is absolutely horrible. You just don't do that. I'm happy you parted ways...she doesn't deserve you.


You seemed truly happy in the picture you provided. It looked like you were content. When you broke up,was it only because of your depression? Did any of it have to do with her flying back to Lithuania? You said she's terrified of you. Is this because she fears you may kill yourself? Or was it too stressful for her?

Have you tried any meds yet? Is your twin close with you? Can you talk to them or your mom at all?


What about your job do you hate? Customer service?(if so,i do too)


It's so sad to hear you lost your Grandfather. It's never easy to lose someone,especially a father figure. I offer my sincere condolences.

I truly think you have hope in this life. If you have any will to live,maybe you should try some other possibilities. It's easier said than done,but just please consider carefully before you try suicide again. Are you happy that kind couple saved you and cared enough to pray and be there for you? It gave you another chance. Maybe it was for a reason.

Dude,I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I am here for you though. If you want to pm me,feel free to. I don't mind listening to more of what you have to say. Long reads are fine with me.

Hey there brother, the first girl was a sociopath. She's gone for good but she certainly impacted me in more ways than one.

I was incredibly happy with my recent partner, no one else got me like she did. We broke up because of my depression but towards the end, I suffered night terror manic episode which led to me do something horrible. I'll have to PM the details to you. She knew it wasn't my fault but my aggression during my sleep is bound to freak anybody out. She's also looking out for herself too because my depression was "draining her mental state" too. Which I totally understand.

I'm with my twin brother right now actually, he's keeping me occupied and just making sure that I'm okai. We are very close and the same goes for my mum. I don't think I realize how ungrateful I can be at times.

My job is Retail, selling High End Luxury Sunglasses. I'm not afraid to talk to people, or make conversation, but the anxiety of having to hit sale targets and being watched by higher ups sent me to the edge. Plus, a lot of young drones everywhere. Basic and superficial teens who are dolled up in makeup and the typical jock like boys who think they're the hottest shit. It's exhausting being surrounded by those who aren't aware of the world and can't see the bigger picture.

Thank you for the condolences mate ❤ He was an amazing man, and right now, I feel like I'm letting him down.

To be honest, after reading all these messages on the forum, I'm trying to reconsider. I'd still like options on how to take my life but the one person who keeps popping up in my head if I was to go is my twin. We came into this world together and he wouldn't cope with my loss. Sometimes, I d wish I went that day. But then I remember the new connections I formed and the lessons I've learnt. I dunno man.

I'll certainly PM you at some point, would like to know more of who you are too! Thank you for your time

You did not write too much , and detailed things superbly. I'm glad you're able to tell your story, and to remember key events and dates (I cant!). I'm sure it wasn't easy though. But it's a good thing about yourself. Don't be sorry about your ability to tell your story

I have been in abusive relationships that crushed me , and obliterated my mind. Even when not abusive break ups can .. break us. Some of us really need a relationship to survive. With troubled childhood and parents (to say it diplomatically) we are prone , and coupled with losing job , leaving Uni etc -- that's a major crisis.

Being suicidal is not new for you. You have experienced mental illness (hate that term) and had been treated. So you are among similar people here, I think, who share much of your life story and your pain.



I feel that right now you're in an overwhelming emotional distress, i.e. too many things hit you at the same time. What could help you feel better? I don't expect problems to be solved , but can you imagine a scenario where you are a bit more calm, when the pain and misery ease a bit?

Humans need to see some prospects , even vague and faraway in the future , in order to live. Otherwise they are flooded with angst and despair -- and this has become common in our society, among "normal" people , and sadly among most of the young generation.

I really appreciate that ❤ I feel sometimes I can go, but it's the only way for me to get out my feelings and darkest thoughts.

That makes me sad to hear you've been in abusive relationships too. There are some seriously cruel people in the world unfortunately. You're spot on with some of us need relationships, but I feel I can't keep doing this myself every year. I haven't had a break from grief or heartbreak for 4 and a half years.

I'll try to take some comfort knowing there are others who have been in similar situations or if not, are in the same scenario as me.

Well, I can't have my partner back. It's done and there's no going back, I've had to quickly accept that fact. But I don't know what would make me happy if I'm honest. Thanks for this ❤

I'm sorry you suffer from night terrors. I can only imagine how shitty that must be.

It's not nice at all! My friends have seen me in that state, my ex, whole family, everybody basically. It's like I'm possessed and I have no control over it :/

 

[Quarky00]

You seem to be very aware , sensitive , and caring for your environment -- be it your family , your (good) ex , or even how things are in society (daft lads) You show deep understanding to others' suffering . I'm sure you are grateful for those around you . Do not feel guilty . You should really give yourself some credit (and some time).

It's really okay to consider ending it all due to acute distress , loneliness , lost , or appearant lack of prospects . Do not feel like this is bad or wrong . You are not acting upon it -- just reflecting on the idea . It's good to allow thoughts as long as you're not spiraling down (!) . Maybe like you implied time is needed to process all the bombshells . I mean , you are fully aware of everything and accept and understand it all marvelously .. But seems impossible to emotionally cope with everything ? Or is it mostly the breakup and being alone ? (I don't know)

I can't ask what will make you "happy" ;) Just what will ease the pain and misery . Make things bearable for a while . Like studying something new (not in Uni) , part time job , hobbies , friendships , trip , etc ; or how (if) can you imagine the future as "better" - having a job and a place to live would make it a bit easier ?

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey honey..welcome
Like many of us here, u have been thru a series of very tragic events..Breakups can b very devastating..I'm sorry..

My deepest condolences on losing ur dear grandfather and father-figure in ur life...

Take this time as a single man to just heal. Refrain from doing ur usual n jumping into a relationship right now, while ur feeling damaged. It will only b a disservice to u and the person ur with..

U need some time to heal, sweetie..

Once u have taken some time to heal n become WHOLE, I'm sure u can resume ur studies and then become healthy enough for a relationship..

It's not over for u yet..U got this, Bro..

 

[WEASEL1234]

Hey there folks, I'm new to this site. I'm not sure how the rules apply to forums for advice etc but yeah, I need some help.

I'll give you guys the story. Since a child the relationship between my mother and was never great. They met in a bar when my mother was an alcoholic at the time due to the loss of her brother (my Uncle) to suicide. Over time, my twin brother and I popped up.

I was a very happy kid despite the separation from my parents but everything changed when I hit Secondary School. I was bullied a fair bit, I wasn't the smartest kid around and my father was now engaged to another woman. Shortly, they had a son. This made things worse as I rarely saw my dad and straight up stopped helping my mother with child support. We were twins so, obviously everything to be paid for was double. I saw my mother cry a lot, continued to date horrible men who didn't deserve her. Little did I know that this would soon be me in a not so far future.

Age 15, I met my first GF. She was 17. But she was already with a guy, so she cheated on him with me. This guy wanted to kill me, he was bigger, stronger and angry as hell. I was this scrawny kid at the time. The whole experience left me feeling paranoid. The relationship with my EX Continued, and this is where I would see the downfall of my biggest development of who I am.

4 and a half years passed, and a lot happened with her. We were arguing non-stop, constantly breaking up and getting back together. Both our families hated one another and the whole thing was toxic. Then one day, I discovered anxiety for the very first time. She had gotten herself pregnant with me on purpose, by piercing holes in my condom. She was intent on having the baby and there was nothing I could do about it. Soon after, she miscarried. Can't say I was too upset about it but the damage had already been done. I then broke up with her as I found out she was cheating on me. 2016 was the last time I saw her.

But from 2016 to now 2020? Things were only gunna get harder. I went into depression during summer 2016 even though I had no experience with it prior. It was clear those events took something from my mind and soul. I then got a job at Platform 9 3/4 (Harry Potter) Store. Things seemed like they were looking up? But no. I then went on a mad streak of relationship after relationship, date after date and sleeping with diffrent people. I was constantly getting my horn torn in two cause of my shitty depression and anger.

By 2018 April, I had already attempted suicide 3 times, self harmed on two occasions and I was on the cycles of antidepressants including sleeping pills. April 2018 was a bad tipping point for me. I had met a beautiful Irish girl on December of 2017 and we finished on April 2018. I took all of my pills, drank a whole bottle of vodka and tried to throw myself over the London Bridge. However, just as I almost leaped, a couple arrived and the boyfriend grabbed me back down. They prayed for me and held me, I'll never forget them. Once the police and ambulance arrived, I blacked and had a major seizure. After seeing how distraught my family was, I decided that I had to stop my crap.

Flash forward to October 2018, by this point I had left my job and joined up on Uni. I then meet one of my closest friends and met the love of my life. We were brilliant together, the first 7-8 months were brilliant! We planned to move out together and we were making it happen. But then, 2019 April happened. The death of my grandfather happened. The only father role model around my entire life was dead. I then experienced true grief for the very first time in my life.

Plans were already underway to move out of my home but I had no job. The funeral was the end of April, I then had a job by May and moved out by June. You can see that I had no real time to grieve for the loss. What then made it worse was that about a month into moving in, my partner became very very ill and had to fly back out to Lithuania. This left me alone with my thoughts, depressed and suicidal for a week and 4 days. My job at SeaLife was also killing me too.

I've written too much now. So I'll skip to present. My partner broke up with me as the relationship wasn't healthy, I needed to focus on getting better and due to my manic depression episode, she is now terrified of me. She said she would always love me and always care about me, said I needed to live for me from now on. I've lost my job, moved out of our flat and back to my family. I've left University, leaving me at Square one all over again.

But I genuinely want to die... I'm done with this shit. Any thoughts or advice? Positive or negative is welcome.

Life IS tough my friend. You're not alone feeling how you do. Have you exhausted all avenues to try to recover or is your mind made up?

 

[Flyawaybunny]

Pretty sure OD is like the most painful and least effective method?

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Welcome to the forum. You'll learn quick how empathetic, and uplifting this place actually is! OD wouldn't be my route. Tried with sleeping pills, and had the worst stomach pains until I puked. There are many resources on this site to access and gain knowledge you may have not known. In the end we all want to see you get better over time, and stick around with us! We also are accepting over the fact your choice, is most definitely your choice!

 

[liverpoolfan]

Don't know you at all but from the way you write and the way you look I'd wager you're just a normal person, capable of love and happiness, who just got hit by too much shit at once and couldn't handle it. You're not alone in that mate. What I can tell you from the lofty age of 52 is that a lot can and will change. The emotional trauma from losing family members will ease with time; discovering that sexy but crazy manipulative girlfriends are a minority will change your views on relationships and trust. Lots of very attractive girls are very nice too, I've found.
I spent a couple of years with a super hot but abusive girl who had borderline personality disorder and the whole experience made me deeply, deeply miserable and left me doubting myself. Getting her out of my life was one of the best things I ever did and I still wonder wtf took me so long!
So, again, I don't know you from Adam and I'm not psychic, but something tells me what you actually want is not death but love and trust and respect.
You're a good looking lad who's had a shit time of it but there's nothing here that can't be fixed if you want. If you do decide to live your life, be kind to yourself, be patient with the time you might need to heal up emotionally and, final piece of advice, try to prioritise kindness in your next partner.
There's plenty of beautiful kind women out there who can be trusted.
Best of luck whatever you choose, lad.

 

[WEASEL1234]

Don't know you at all but from the way you write and the way you look I'd wager you're just a normal person, capable of love and happiness, who just got hit by too much shit at once and couldn't handle it. You're not alone in that mate. What I can tell you from the lofty age of 52 is that a lot can and will change. The emotional trauma from losing family members will ease with time; discovering that sexy but crazy manipulative girlfriends are a minority will change your views on relationships and trust. Lots of very attractive girls are very nice too, I've found.
I spent a couple of years with a super hot but abusive girl who had borderline personality disorder and the whole experience made me deeply, deeply miserable and left me doubting myself. Getting her out of my life was one of the best things I ever did and I still wonder wtf took me so long!
So, again, I don't know you from Adam and I'm not psychic, but something tells me what you actually want is not death but love and trust and respect.
You're a good looking lad who's had a shit time of it but there's nothing here that can't be fixed if you want. If you do decide to live your life, be kind to yourself, be patient with the time you might need to heal up emotionally and, final piece of advice, try to prioritise kindness in your next partner.
There's plenty of beautiful kind women out there who can be trusted.
Best of luck whatever you choose, lad.

Nicely put my friend (from a 48 year old English woman )

Pretty sure OD is like the most painful and least effective method?

Please don't.... I have been there THREE times. The only peaceful OD is N or SN my friend.

 

[theguineapigking]

Hey there brother, the first girl was a sociopath. She's gone for good but she certainly impacted me in more ways than one.

I was incredibly happy with my recent partner, no one else got me like she did. We broke up because of my depression but towards the end, I suffered night terror manic episode which led to me do something horrible. I'll have to PM the details to you. She knew it wasn't my fault but my aggression during my sleep is bound to freak anybody out. She's also looking out for herself too because my depression was "draining her mental state" too. Which I totally understand.

I'm with my twin brother right now actually, he's keeping me occupied and just making sure that I'm okai. We are very close and the same goes for my mum. I don't think I realize how ungrateful I can be at times.

My job is Retail, selling High End Luxury Sunglasses. I'm not afraid to talk to people, or make conversation, but the anxiety of having to hit sale targets and being watched by higher ups sent me to the edge. Plus, a lot of young drones everywhere. Basic and superficial teens who are dolled up in makeup and the typical jock like boys who think they're the hottest shit. It's exhausting being surrounded by those who aren't aware of the world and can't see the bigger picture.

Thank you for the condolences mate ❤ He was an amazing man, and right now, I feel like I'm letting him down.

To be honest, after reading all these messages on the forum, I'm trying to reconsider. I'd still like options on how to take my life but the one person who keeps popping up in my head if I was to go is my twin. We came into this world together and he wouldn't cope with my loss. Sometimes, I d wish I went that day. But then I remember the new connections I formed and the lessons I've learnt. I dunno man.

I'll certainly PM you at some point, would like to know more of who you are too! Thank you for your time


I really appreciate that ❤ I feel sometimes I can go, but it's the only way for me to get out my feelings and darkest thoughts.

That makes me sad to hear you've been in abusive relationships too. There are some seriously cruel people in the world unfortunately. You're spot on with some of us need relationships, but I feel I can't keep doing this myself every year. I haven't had a break from grief or heartbreak for 4 and a half years.

I'll try to take some comfort knowing there are others who have been in similar situations or if not, are in the same scenario as me.

Well, I can't have my partner back. It's done and there's no going back, I've had to quickly accept that fact. But I don't know what would make me happy if I'm honest. Thanks for this ❤


It's not nice at all! My friends have seen me in that state, my ex, whole family, everybody basically. It's like I'm possessed and I have no control over it :/

Hey man. No problem at all.


I totally agree the first one was a psycho. What she did is beyond horrible.


Im so sorry to hear about the way your relationship ended with your most recent girlfriend. I know she meant and means a lot to you. I don't know what else to say except for I'm truly sorry.


I work in retail. I really hate it. I was cashier for a while. I don't like people in general and I was treated like the lowest guy on the totem pole. Now I'm on the sales floor. They always try to get me to sell bull crap to customers and it's really annoying,all while the computer system is flawed. There are nonstop glitches and high up corporate idiots always making our system worse. Then there's the fact that I always have to answer the same stupid questions again about printers or computers. I totally get why you got stressed out so much.


Its awesome that you have your twin and mom in your life. I have family members that truly care and I'm very close with. My mom especially understands why I hate life so much. Most people are too stupid to see the bigger picture. They choose to be ignorant. I hate society so much(I don't know how you feel about society as a whole?). In the USA,where I live,Donald trump is president. He's an idiot. It's all thanks to the other idiots that continue to follow him to this day. The world is f'd up man.



I'm here if you want to pm me the details,or just want to talk more. :)

 

[MarluxiaX2]

Hey everyone. I can't reply to every individual comment as I'm incredibly exhausted, although I have read them ❤ These posts mean a lot, and I certainly didn't expect this kind of kindness from people. But that's what happens when you're used to the people in society not caring and blissfully ignoring all of us.

I will say that unfortunately, I am still considering suicide. I've spent most of my evening searching up methods to take my life. I understand that these problems could probably be resolved, but the thoughts that drive through my head and the immense heaviness in my heart is driving me insane. I'm incredibly heartbroken and lost.

I have an overall mental health assessment with some doctors next Wednesday, just to see what else is going on but I'm not hoping for anything at all. I will wait till April as I'll receive some funds. I'll give half to my ex and half to my brother. I will live till April 8th-10th, to make sure that my two soul mates are safe before I go. Thank you all for understanding. I don't know what awaits me on death's door, but it must be better than this shit.

 

[jimbob1000]

Don't know you at all but from the way you write and the way you look I'd wager you're just a normal person, capable of love and happiness, who just got hit by too much shit at once and couldn't handle it. You're not alone in that mate. What I can tell you from the lofty age of 52 is that a lot can and will change. The emotional trauma from losing family members will ease with time; discovering that sexy but crazy manipulative girlfriends are a minority will change your views on relationships and trust. Lots of very attractive girls are very nice too, I've found.
I spent a couple of years with a super hot but abusive girl who had borderline personality disorder and the whole experience made me deeply, deeply miserable and left me doubting myself. Getting her out of my life was one of the best things I ever did and I still wonder wtf took me so long!
So, again, I don't know you from Adam and I'm not psychic, but something tells me what you actually want is not death but love and trust and respect.
You're a good looking lad who's had a shit time of it but there's nothing here that can't be fixed if you want. If you do decide to live your life, be kind to yourself, be patient with the time you might need to heal up emotionally and, final piece of advice, try to prioritise kindness in your next partner.
There's plenty of beautiful kind women out there who can be trusted.
Best of luck whatever you choose, lad.

well said from a 49 year old barnsley lad