I've.. idk. Ive been told by many people that I'm beautiful or pretty or .. y'know.. and of course people have to say those things because they're being nice or whatever but goddamn, body dysmorphia makes my life shit.
I can be declared to be 10 lbs underweight and STILL see an 800 lb pig ass bitch in the mirror. I hate the mirror. I hate myself. I hate eating and I hate starving and everything that can affect the shape of my body. I wish I didn't have to see me. I wish others didn't have to see me.
I hate shopping for clothes. I hate my lumps and curves and .. just ew. Ew.
One time I started crying in therapy and had a freak out and said,"I want to carve off all of the disgusting fucking lard I've let my body acquire and fucking choke myself with it" and my therapist was newer in her practice and I.. I think I traumatized her lmao my bad.