Lonely

[Charmander07]

Hey, I keep deleting posts cause I hate making me ex uncomfortable because she sometimes sees these posts and it makes her upset at me as she feels like I'm targeting her or 'posting for her to see'. I did say only one lie to her recently and that it is I've found an alternative website so therefore I won't post on here. I really tried my best to not post on here, but I have to.

But right now I believe she's playing a game so I'm going to post this simply cause I have nowhere else to post and I don't think she will play games and be on this website. But in case she goes on later, I will delete this in a couple of hours. I don't mind if you don't want to reply as it will be deleted tonight, but I just feel so lonely.

I just got in the hotel we were supposed to go into and I just feel lonely. I know we shouldn't be together but I think she has already found someone else. It has helped me move on quite a bit that I think she did this. But I can't help but just worry about it what type of person she is, it's bothering me so much and the only reason it does is because I have to see her every day next week.

I just needed to let it out my system, as despite the things she thinks about me or the things she has said to me and done, I still love her to the bottom of my heart. And now I'm in the hotel, I'm sure this feeling is only temporary but it just feels depressing and lonely on here by myself for a week knowing it was booked for both of us (it did acc make me upset when I had to say it's booked under both our names).

Making this worse, I don't even know what's going on as she refuses to talk to me, she did block me, but after my anger and the majority of my sadness passed (thankfully I've started to move on pretty nicely tho). It just hurts a bit (hurt a lot in the moment), that she has reached out to her ex again and you know it just makes me feel so stupid for falling for stuff.

Sorry for making this pointless post I just feel like I needed to let it out as I can't find anywhere else to go, but I will delete it so she doesn't feel like I've invaded her personal space.

 

[slowlydying2mrrw]

Couldn't you make a new anonymous account to vent?

 

[Charmander07]

Couldn't you make a new anonymous account to vent?

I mean I did mention that to her recently but if that is the case, she might end up replying to my posts which makes it awkward, you know?

Also I really don't want to break her boundaries even tho I think she doesn't like me anymore, so I'm only posting on here as a last resort and I'm not gonna look at any other posts, and every post I make I will try to make it at a time where I think she won't see it.
And as I said the only reason I am posting this, is because I have to see her face every day next week and so it might hurt simply seeing her, thinking about the situation. It's less me missing her, it's more me being hurt my her and my actions recently.