Story Lonely Hearts Club

[beatlegirl]

Anyone here also suffering from heartbreak after a loss of a loved one? Specifically a partner?

I lost the love of my life to suicide. I really want to join him. We had planned to go together when the time was right but he left before me.

I feel my heart is empty. I've lost my will to eat or get out of bed. I was set on getting better. Now I am so broken. My heart's got nothing in it anymore. I have no drive, no happiness. Nothing. He was my reason. It is my time soon too.

Tell me, do you believe you will be reunited with your loved ones? What's keeping you alive without them?

 

[BPD Barbie]

While not overly recent, I do hope that my grandparents are waiting for me on the other side. They were a huge impact in my life and I miss them every day. Sorry to hear of your loss, I can't imagine how that must have felt. We are here for you, welcome to the community

 

[Thereisnothing]

I have recently lost my beloved dad and feeling empty and there is nothing left now. He was all I had and only one left who loved and cared about me. I lost my beloved mum in 2012. I dont want to be here anymore, I just exist every second the day, no drive, dont want to get out of bed, similar to you. I am dirty as not showered in ages. I been broken hearted in love too and lost, though thankfully not through suicide or death, but know the hell its like when they are not with you. I had breakdown when lost my love and was my parents who kept me going, without then dont think still be here. They are not here to keep me going anymore and the rawness and pain is incredible.

I believe in spirit and afterlife, dont see much point in this life to begin with if nothing else follows and truly hope mum, dad and other loved ones, including pets and those I admired in life yet never met will be there to meet me and enter the spirit world.
As for what is keeping me alive, I dont know, maybe knowing mum and dad kept me alive when I had my break downs and also all they did for me over the years (I have many health problems which make life very hard), maybe this makes me feel I owe it to them to keep going somehow.
They would understand if I couldn't, but its not easy for me to just go as dont even have a confident method in hand and unless I did then would be very risky if all went wrong.

I dont wish to be here as every second is hell and so brutally raw, I doubt shall me happy again, just exist. I hope this helps in some small way, its so difficult to convey how you are feeling to try and help someone else. Your pain is unique yet its shared also by so many in this cruel, cruel world.

 

[beatlegirl]

While not overly recent, I do hope that my grandparents are waiting for me on the other side. They were a huge impact in my life and I miss them every day. Sorry to hear of your loss, I can't imagine how that must have felt. We are here for you, welcome to the community

Thank you for the welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I have recently lost my beloved dad and feeling empty and there is nothing left now. He was all I had and only one left who loved and cared about me. I lost my beloved mum in 2012. I dont want to be here anymore, I just exist every second the day, no drive, dont want to get out of bed, similar to you. I am dirty as not showered in ages. I been broken hearted in love too and lost, though thankfully not through suicide or death, but know the hell its like when they are not with you. I had breakdown when lost my love and was my parents who kept me going, without then dont think still be here. They are not here to keep me going anymore and the rawness and pain is incredible.

I believe in spirit and afterlife, dont see much point in this life to begin with if nothing else follows and truly hope mum, dad and other loved ones, including pets and those I admired in life yet never met will be there to meet me and enter the spirit world.
As for what is keeping me alive, I dont know, maybe knowing mum and dad kept me alive when I had my break downs and also all they did for me over the years (I have many health problems which make life very hard), maybe this makes me feel I owe it to them to keep going somehow.
They would understand if I couldn't, but its not easy for me to just go as dont even have a confident method in hand and unless I did then would be very risky if all went wrong.

I dont wish to be here as every second is hell and so brutally raw, I doubt shall me happy again, just exist. I hope this helps in some small way, its so difficult to convey how you are feeling to try and help someone else. Your pain is unique yet its shared also by so many in this cruel, cruel world.

Hello @Thereisnothing. I understand your feelings. I feel the same way. I am so sorry for your losses. It feels like our entire support system crumbling, doesn't it?

Thank you for sharing your story with me. This world can be so cruel... but I hope you & I both can find something to bring us to peace.

I really hope there is an afterlife and that I can see my love again. Wouldn't it be nice? x

 

[Thereisnothing]

Thank you for the welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss.



Hello @Thereisnothing. I understand your feelings. I feel the same way. I am so sorry for your losses. It feels like our entire support system crumbling, doesn't it?

Thank you for sharing your story with me. This world can be so cruel... but I hope you & I both can find something to bring us to peace.

I really hope there is an afterlife and that I can see my love again. Wouldn't it be nice? x

Yes I hope we can both find something to bring us peace, what I dont know. I have no support system now, apart from on here, in outside world am alone or just false people who say they care and yet do nothing to help or show it. It would be fantastic if we can see our loved ones again in the afterlife and its what give me hope and some strength and I grasp onto that dearly. xx

 

[Jean4]

My partner, @Stan, CTB December 8.

Welcome to the forum!

What's keeping me alive? Stan told me not to follow him, and the people here won't let me!

 

[BPD Barbie]

My partner, @Stan, CTB December 8.

Welcome to the forum!

What's keeping me alive? Stan told me not to follow him, and the people here won't let me!

You got that right ;)

 

[beatlegirl]

Yes I hope we can both find something to bring us peace, what I dont know. I have no support system now, apart from on here, in outside world am alone or just false people who say they care and yet do nothing to help or show it. It would be fantastic if we can see our loved ones again in the afterlife and its what give me hope and some strength and I grasp onto that dearly. xx

I feel the same too. No support system at all. I'm new to this forum but hope to find people here to help me and perhaps relate to my situation. I cannot wait to see him in the afterlife. No one can replace him. Can't help but feeling such guilt for him leaving me early. x

My partner, @Stan, CTB December 8.

Welcome to the forum!

What's keeping me alive? Stan told me not to follow him, and the people here won't let me!

Thank you for the welcome. I am so sorry for your loss. My partner told me the same thing, that leaving this earth should be my absolute last option. I find it hard to follow his suggestions though. Since he left me so early. All I want to do is join him. My life was pain before but he gave me hope. Now he's gone and I'm an empty shell. x

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Hi and welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad along time ago and my mum several years ago. Grief is a horrible thing. It's the price we pay for love. Unfortunately in this life everything comes at a price, the more it is worth, the higher the price we pay. To survive alone with grief is a noble thing, you do it for those who are gone. I hugely admire anyone who loves enough to feel such acute grief and to continue putting one foot in front of the other.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I found out about the tragic death of my ex sort of recently and it has made a huge impact on me and finalizing my decision to ctb. While we had been apart some years I still very much loved him and was actually trying to get back in touch when I discovered his obituary. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one...its truly one of the hardest things to endure.

 

[beatlegirl]

Hi and welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad along time ago and my mum several years ago. Grief is a horrible thing. It's the price we pay for love. Unfortunately in this life everything comes at a price, the more it is worth, the higher the price we pay. To survive alone with grief is a noble thing, you do it for those who are gone. I hugely admire anyone who loves enough to feel such acute grief and to continue putting one foot in front of the other.

Thank you dearly for the welcome and regards ❤

I am so sorry for your loss as well. I cannot imagine continuing life without my love. You are so strong for living. Each day you are alive shows your strength. x

I found out about the tragic death of my ex sort of recently and it has made a huge impact on me and finalizing my decision to ctb. While we had been apart some years I still very much loved him and was actually trying to get back in touch when I discovered his obituary. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one...its truly one of the hardest things to endure.

Oh Raven Moon. My heart is with you. Losing love is never easy. It's like a part of your heart being ripped right out of you. I hope when our lives do come to an end that we can finally meet our loves again.

Oh dear. Can anyone here relate to the total emptiness? I keep trying to ring his number. I'm so dumb. My stupid brain can't comprehend that he's gone. Everytime I'm sad or something good happens to me - he's the first I want to talk to. I wish there was just some way to reach him. Some way to go back.

He's just not here. How do I deal with this? Where do I go from now?

Again, I am grateful for people replying to my thread and sharing their stories. I'm sorry for your loss. x

 

[MysticPerception]

I lost my father a few years ago and the overwhelming feeling of despair that overcame me was almost too much to bear. I loved him dearly even though I only got to see him every once in a while and I knew he was going to pass in some odd ten to twenty years but it happened much sooner than I expected. I only take solace in knowing his suffering is over as his body was taxing on him in many ways and he was clearly in pain even when he was just sitting on the couch relaxing. Ever since he died though I've wanted to ctb so much more. I feel like he'll be angry at me if I do meet him in the afterlife, he'll probably told me he believed in me and knows I'm stronger than that but in the end I know he would still hug me just like he used to and forgive me. It's such an odd feeling. Coming to terms with the fact that someone like that is gone forever. When my grandparents died I was very sad but I almost couldn't accept the reality with how rarely I saw them. But after my Father died it truly hit me all at once that I won't be seeing them again unless there is some kind of afterlife. I'm sorry you had to deal with such a horrible experience having your partner leave before you. Hopefully after you die rather it be through your own means or natural you will be reunited with them.

 

[beatlegirl]

I lost my father a few years ago and the overwhelming feeling of despair that overcame me was almost too much to bear. I loved him dearly even though I only got to see him every once in a while and I knew he was going to pass in some odd ten to twenty years but it happened much sooner than I expected. I only take solace in knowing his suffering is over as his body was taxing on him in many ways and he was clearly in pain even when he was just sitting on the couch relaxing. Ever since he died though I've wanted to ctb so much more. I feel like he'll be angry at me if I do meet him in the afterlife, he'll probably told me he believed in me and knows I'm stronger than that but in the end I know he would still hug me just like he used to and forgive me. It's such an odd feeling. Coming to terms with the fact that someone like that is gone forever. When my grandparents died I was very sad but I almost couldn't accept the reality with how rarely I saw them. But after my Father died it truly hit me all at once that I won't be seeing them again unless there is some kind of afterlife. I'm sorry you had to deal with such a horrible experience having your partner leave before you. Hopefully after you die rather it be through your own means or natural you will be reunited with them.

I can relate to the words you write. You've described it so beautifully. It seems us lost people share a spiritual mind at times, doesn't it?

I am sincerely sorry for your loss. The emptiness is so hard to fill. By the way you word yourself I can sense the strength you have. I admire that and hope one day I can reach that strength. So far I am waiting for the day I can contact my love again. I'd do anything for another conversation. I'd do anything to ring him and hear his voice.

Stay strong and take care of yourself. x

 

[LMLN]

I lost my husband to suicide early last year. He was the love of my life and I feel so lost without him. I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you.

 

[beatlegirl]

I lost my husband to suicide early last year. He was the love of my life and I feel so lost without him. I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you.

Thank you. I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I'll never live the same again. There will always be that emptiness, you know?

I'm running around, crazily, reading the death certificate, trying to find some possible way that he might just be alive. I'm still in such shock. I wish for one more talk.

I hope you are in a calmer state. All kind regards. Please be kind to yourself x

 

[LMLN]

Thank you. I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I'll never live the same again. There will always be that emptiness, you know?

I'm running around, crazily, reading the death certificate, trying to find some possible way that he might just be alive. I'm still in such shock. I wish for one more talk.

I hope you are in a calmer state. All kind regards. Please be kind to yourself x

I'm so sorry! I know it's horrible. I still have dreams that he is really alive. I'm still having trouble believing it. Devastated does not even begin to describe it. I'm so lost and sad and lonely. We were together for 30 years.
Please take care of yourself. PM me anytime!

 

[beatlegirl]

I'm so sorry! I know it's horrible. I still have dreams that he is really alive. I'm still having trouble believing it. Devastated does not even begin to describe it. I'm so lost and sad and lonely. We were together for 30 years.
Please take care of yourself. PM me anytime!

I am sorry but also feel somehow better knowing that I am not alone in this, I hope you understand. 30 years is a long time for love to grow and build.

I'll be sure to send you a PM. Thank you for not making me feel alone. x