Lonely ghost

[CTBgenuine]

I keep contemplating suicide. I feel like my life is already over and has been for years. I'm hesitant one moment and planning it the next, and I feel so alone in the world. I'd kill my already sick mother by doing this but it's getting more and more difficult to be hesitant... Does anyone feel the same way?

 

[RandomBeaver]

@CTBgenuine how does it make you feel that your mother wouldn't survive it?

I'm asking because I've got this constant image of my mom crying and I just can't kill myself with that image. The last time I shared I was going away I've never seen her in such a dispair.

I think I can relate to you. Sometimes I even forget I was planning to kill myself since it happened so many times.

 

[CTBgenuine]

@CTBgenuine how does it make you feel that your mother wouldn't survive it?

I'm asking because I've got this constant image of my mom crying and I just can't kill myself with that image.

I think I can relate to you. Sometimes I even forget I was planning to kill myself since it happened so many times.

I KNOW it would kill her because shes very sick and it pains me so much that I could kill my mother... Its the only reason I hesitate to ctb.... But the pull towards suicide is so strong at the same time

 

[RandomBeaver]

I've found that sharing my pain with my mother could help us both. It can be something extremely difficult at first. I try the best I can to show I love her. If I ever kill myself, she would have been prepared and well aware that I loved her. Maybe easing the pain.

 

[CTBgenuine]

I've found that sharing my pain with my mother could help us both. It can be something extremely difficult at first. I try the best I can to show I love her. If I ever kill myself, she would have been prepared and well aware that I loved her. Maybe easing the pain.

I've tried that so many times but she dismisses my thoughts. If your mother listens and understands you're lucky. I think it's terribly sad that so many people here feel suicidal

 

[Shu]

Sorry that you feel this way I understand your frustration. My suicide will probably cause my dad to have a heart attack my mother to spiral into worse depression than she already has and my brother to to fall apart. The guilt is eating me alive.

 

[RandomBeaver]

I've tried that so many times but she dismisses my thoughts.

I don't think she fully understands. Sometimes she realizes I can be gone. Sometimes she try to survive by hoping the best and dismissing what I say. It can be something that makes me feel really lonely. Sometimes it can even cause me dispair that I want to die.

 

[Hollowman]

I can relate she's the main reason I'm still here. And my life's been over for a very long time.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation, and I understand that it can be really hard to desperately want to leave this world, yet having others that you are leaving behind. It seems like there is no escape from pain in this life, if we stay we experience pain, and if we leave it will cause others pain. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much and I feel like my life is over as well, I do not live, I just exist and in a way it is like I have already died. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[bored]

this guilt :(
my father already had a heart attack when he found out that his uncle died and they weren't even close anymore