Loneliness

[rs929]

How do you cope?

 

[Somebody]

It's so simple, you find someone to not be alone.
Edit: Sorry I was being facetious, Of course it's not easy to find someone that you are compatible with. It's just the answer that everyone is looking for. A real answer would be you have to do things that make you happy. Something to distract yourself and find a way to comfort yourself. No-one can really tell you what to do.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

It's so simple, you find someone to not be alone.

If it was "so simple" , @rs929 wouldn't have posted about struggling with loneliness. That's really invalidating actually.

 

[W’ren]

How do i cope with loneliness? I do have a bf but i am alone most of the time. I spend pretty much 23 hours a day alone...
I watch tv. I play stupid games on my phone. I go out and walk my dog- if i had more energy i'd do useful stuff around the house that needs doing- and if i actually felt the desire and ability to feel happiness or joy i'd create with my crafts but i don't really.
I mean, i forced myself to craft a little bit tonight but it was scheduled- different than crafting for enjoyment.
I guess what i'm saying is that i distract. Distract distract distract... I do anything i can to not notice that empty loneliness.
Occasionally i'll text a friend or neighbour and surface talk about the weather... "reach out", you know? But it doesn't go far.
Is there anything you do to fill up your hours, OP? Like anything you like to do or could do? You don't need to answer here- just privately write a list for you of possible things to do to distract yourself and when you need to, look at the list and go from there.
Does that help at all?

Your list could include things such as your own personal hobbies or like taking a long hot shower or soak in the tub... Variety works!

 

[Marktheghost]

I don't think there is any way of coping. I think company is the only answer. If you've got somebody to write to, that could possibly help. Doing other things you enjoy can take your mind off it for a while, but judging from my experience that's all it does.

 

[Nicothe13th]

How do you cope?

Very, very badly

 

[LunarPyotr]

Well, not really that great till I discovered something called ASMR on one of the posts on this forum.
I have to admit that this somehow helps with my loneliness.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I think company is the only answer.

And for some of us, not even that helps.

I cope by having a dog and being on this site.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I'm the kind of person that would like to get invited to a party, but will never actually go to the party. Smh

 

[whywere]

I cope by having my Sanctioned Suicide family here. I would not mind comapny, but I have no family, friends..etc

 

[Bigpink]

I accept it as a given

 

[Grav]

I come on here and once we're released from our hovels I have my gaming buddies. But even being married can be lonely. We finally had a long talk about being in the room but being alone and we're both working on being more involved. So yeah, probably nothing replaces company long term and the current situation doesn't help. Do you have any hobbies/interests that you can connect with people online about? I have a bunch of hobbies and that at least gives me a reason to go and look for other people of shared interests.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

By killing myself. There is no way I can find anyone that (1) I want to spend time with and (2) that wants to spend time with me. I never meet any women, I look like a train wreck, my life is a train wreck, and I don't want to marry/permanently date (I'm not going to have an "ex", it must work the first time) "used goods". These non-negotiable factors rule out literally all women on the planet, so I have to kill myself sooner or later.

 

[Grav]

By killing myself. There is no way I can find anyone that (1) I want to spend time with and (2) that wants to spend time with me. I never meet any women, I look like a train wreck, my life is a train wreck, and I don't want to marry/permanently date (I'm not going to have an "ex", it must work the first time) "used goods". These non-negotiable factors rule out literally all women on the planet, so I have to kill myself sooner or later.

Re: working the first time. I joked with my wife before we got married that it's "till death do us part" so one of us has to die. Not my original thought it was from a comedian.

 

[Computer Blue]

I accept it as a given

Yes, that is one of my methods. I like to think that I am here to clean up my Karma and not create any new Karma with anyone else. I also know that I am a loner and I go into social overload VERY easily. I prefer deep thought and conversation … It is very hard to meet someone similar.

I have been trying to practice gratitude … remember that no matter how bad you have it, there is another soul on this earth, either human or animal, that has it worse … probably even WAY worse!

 

[rs929]

By killing myself. There is no way I can find anyone that (1) I want to spend time with and (2) that wants to spend time with me. I never meet any women, I look like a train wreck, my life is a train wreck, and I don't want to marry/permanently date (I'm not going to have an "ex", it must work the first time) "used goods". These non-negotiable factors rule out literally all women on the planet, so I have to kill myself sooner or later.

Isn't there any way to feel company besides a woman or a SO?
Like, friends.. a cat.. idk, I barely have any friends
Anyway bumping this thread, the loneliness is hitting hard again today

 

[Makko]

I have been trying to practice gratitude … remember that no matter how bad you have it, there is another soul on this earth, either human or animal, that has it worse … probably even WAY worse!

No, in my immediate experience, I'm the one who has it the worst of all. What someone else feels is irrelevant. I don't see anything to be grateful for, or anyone to be grateful to. Telling me that I should be grateful for crap is a taunt, a guilt-trip, a hostile action.

How does this actually work for you? What sort of mental acrobatics do you employ? Has this worked as a coping method for anyone even once?

 

[gus.nixon]

Honestly, it's hard to combat loneliness with people irl because nobody in my life wants to hear about my suicide ideation. I've found friends here, one of which CTB so that really bummed me out. It's hard to find people to talk to on here sometimes because there's a lot of nuts out there. So be careful everyone with who you share stuff with. Loneliness is a killer though, so if you find that one person that you can relate to and just be yourself with and they feel the same about you, hold on to that shit.

 

[rs929]

No, in my immediate experience, I'm the one who has it the worst of all. What someone else feels is irrelevant. I don't see anything to be grateful for, or anyone to be grateful to. Telling me that I should be grateful for crap is a taunt, a guilt-trip, a hostile action.

How does this actually work for you? What sort of mental acrobatics do you employ? Has this worked as a coping method for anyone even once?

lol, I could be grateful for little things... but for some reason I'd be afraid some higher power notices it and take those things away from me

 

[lofticries]

I'm actually more of a mess when I'm with someone because chances are my anxiety is going through the roof at that moment. I swear there's like a time limit I can actually be with someone before I start seeking an escape. Doesn't matter if said person is nice or not.

Hmm,I find things that I can obsess over alone. Like anime,tv shows,movies,football.

I like to look at documentaries and listen to true crime stories/horror stories from youtubers. Occasionally I will indulge in some celeb gossip. And of course chatting on the forums with people who have the same interests as me.

When I did have money I used to shop around a lil and get food and eat it in public places. Book stores were also a safe haven for me. Shame the one close by got closed.

 

[kovkay]

It doesn't really bother me anymore, idk I feel like I just accepted the situation. I do live in a house with my parents and young siblings though so I do have people in my immediate surroundings. This is part of why I don't want to move out - I'm scared of complete social isolation.

 

[sweetbraid]

I read. I build relationships with characters in books. I bingewatch shows until I know the characters inside and out, until I could predict how they might react in a conversation with me. I listen to music that makes me feel seen.
Then when I can't convince myself I have a relationship with the characters anymore, I drown in it. If I had more money and had a different living situation, I would be drunk 24/7 - which is basically what I was doing a couple years ago. And before that I was just On Something 24/7, usually on several things at once. (drugs, i mean).
Sometimes I yell.

I'm actually more of a mess when I'm with someone because chances are my anxiety is going through the roof at that moment. I swear there's like a time limit I can actually be with someone before I start seeking an escape. Doesn't matter if said person is nice or not.

Hmm,I find things that I can obsess over alone. Like anime,tv shows,movies,football.

I like to look at documentaries and listen to true crime stories/horror stories from youtubers. Occasionally I will indulge in some celeb gossip. And of course chatting on the forums with people who have the same interests as me.

When I did have money I used to shop around a lil and get food and eat it in public places. Book stores were also a safe haven for me. Shame the one close by got closed.

bookstores are literally the best places ever since books became a thing, bookstores libraries - best places ever

 

[Livingvsdying25]

I dunno bc my interest in things and people are constantly shifting.

I'm still learning and such as part of my journey but....

I don't wanna feel like im forcing myself to "wait to be ready" for any kinda connections but I also don't wanna lead myself into abuse. anymore...

So, I'd like to be cautious but also live and connect as well.

I find it p. hard to connect in general buttttt especially now with everything just online...


Soo, Im coping by learning about myself to actually find what is fulfilling etc

 

[Imaginos]

Well, for me, it helps to remember that meeting another person wouldn't really help my situation. Human beings are deeply flawed creatures. And the fact that I'm quite deeply flawed myself, I know that better than anyone. I just don't see how I could ever actually get on well with someone else, or how they could ever get on well with me. Maybe we could for a brief time, but eventually it would all go horribly wrong. It's moot either way since, considering my personal predicament of agoraphobic isolation, I never meet anyone period. Having said that, it's hard to know definitively one way or the other how things would pan out, but I still feel like the issue is pretty clear cut, even in the total absence of possibility for a relationship denying me a point of reference. On top of that, I have no desire to ever fall into the bear trap that is marriage, nor do I think I could really help someone who was as "damaged" as I am, or if I'd even want to meet someone like that to begin with. Ultimately, I'm just holding out for the day when life-like robots/holograms become available to the public. Then everyone can get what they want and hopefully there will be many, like me, who will finally find an answer to their loneliness. In the meantime, there's imperfect options like dakis, or tulpas, or love dolls, which I guess is better than nothing if you're really desperate for something, beyond wading into the putrid marsh of real human relationships.

What's more, loneliness is just a primordial pain signal crated via our evolutionary past as primates. Those monkeys that felt lonely were more likely to seek out connections and remain close with the tribe, thereby leading to a strengthening of the "lonely" gene though reproduction. Those monkeys that didn't feel as lonely, or were absent the emotion, then found themselves isolated and swiftly perished, and their unique genes with them. Regardless, monkeys are very socially needy animals. Perhaps the most socially needy on the planet. Unlike say a tiger or an octopus who probably do not suffer from this sort of thing, loneliness has managed to develop quite strongly in our species. You'll always have outliers where this emotion is diminished to some degree, but for the large majority it is simply the cost to be paid of our evolutionary history. Understanding that helps to somewhat defuse its hold, if only partially.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

How does this actually work for you? What sort of mental acrobatics do you employ? Has this worked as a coping method for anyone even once?

This has worked for me a couple of times. I watched some documentary about guys in some shitty prison and then felt relieved that I wasn't in such a place. This is actually a reliable manipulation/psychological tactic, "fear-then-relief". It's not a good strat when compared to others, tho.

Isn't there any way to feel company besides a woman or a SO?
Like, friends.. a cat.. idk, I barely have any friends
Anyway bumping this thread, the loneliness is hitting hard again today

I don't even think a woman will work at this point, I sort of realized how much "hanging around" and "talking" is involved in a relationship.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I cope by being active on SS. I have given up trying to reach out, I am too ill to have relationships. There are a lot of nice people out there, but I am just too depressed and physically impaired to make an effort and connect.

I am glad I found SS.

 

[Computer Blue]

No, in my immediate experience, I'm the one who has it the worst of all. What someone else feels is irrelevant. I don't see anything to be grateful for, or anyone to be grateful to. Telling me that I should be grateful for crap is a taunt, a guilt-trip, a hostile action.

How does this actually work for you? What sort of mental acrobatics do you employ? Has this worked as a coping method for anyone even once?

For the record, I didn't tell you that you should be grateful … I said that is what I do. I have unfortunately seen all manner of horrific treatment inflicted on people and animals in this world and I am simply grateful that I have not had to endure such awful things as being burned or boiled alive. No mental acrobatics required. But, it is apparent that you and I have no common ground here so there is nothing for us to discuss.

 

[Puffinz]

 

[WornOutLife]

I just learnt to embrace and love this loneliness because it seemed it was not planning to leave. I was right.
Been single and without friends (except my dear SS fellows) for almost 3 years.

 

[luten]

Going for drives. I read and write. I surf the web, learn new things. I try my best to follow leads. Sometimes I go to the coffee-shop. I dont keep much food in my apartment, which forces me to shower, wash hair, and get dressed, and go to the mall everyday. I am also looking forward to days of the week when I work onsite, so it is OK to be lonely at times. At this stage I am working on finding a new gf, i think i am ready.