yeah
cant say i *never* had friends, but its gotten rarer and rarer as ive gotten older
now a days i cant seem to even get myself to try to maintain a friendship... 99% of the people i meet are out of my life by the time a year is up
all the others eventually forget about me or hate me- and i cant blame them, shit, i hate me more
its especially frustrating because ive always had social anxiety but i used to be a lot better at managing it when it came to online friends
and now both my sisters are thriving online while im stuck isolating myself into nothingness
trust me when i say i know what its like to feel like youre cursed in that regard
at this point i dont think i can maintain even my longest friendships, thats part of why i havent even tried
its easier to be alone than it is to constantly be hurt- or hurting others when you dont mean to
still i think loneliness hurts more than almost any other emotion
and once you start to isolate... i think im too far gone, i dont know how to get out of this hole anymore