Discussion Loneliness & Longing

[Celerity]

In a dysfunctional pattern I've perfected, I'm pining for someone I know who doesn't want me and never will. Focusing on the unavailable is safer because I never have to put in effort or risk rejection.

Even though I know it's irrational and self-defeating, I can't break the habit.

I went out today with a work friend who has led a healthy sex life and finds it effortless to connect with others. I just can't relate. It's always among other people that I am most cognizant of how alone I really am.

 

[timf]

It may be that those who have a more seamless social connection do so at the expense of depth.

If you have a need for deeper connections, you might not find swimming in those waters satisfactory.

You might consider that rejection has its positive aspects. It means that someone is doing you a favor by more quickly telling you that they are unsuitable. This can save a lot of money, time, and aggravation.

 

[Red]

I concur wholeheartedly- it's much easier to form superficial connections as you expect less from then than a more meaningful relationship.

I've always found that relationships come easier when you're not looking. The one period of my life when I wanted to find someone was when it was hardest to do so! Yet when I've stopped trying and concentrated on improving myself, they come out of nowhere.

Relax, try to find joy in self-evolution and the connections you seek will naturally come in time.

 

[Cosmic dust]

I am going through something similar, I also have to sit there and hear me friend talk about how she is in to someone else, how they went out together.... it kills a part of me everytime.

However, I don't do this on purpose, it just happens that people are always unavaliable for me, I am unatractive to everyone and I don't have contact with many people. I am afraid of changing and of taking risks, but I really wish people liked me.

Life sucks for ugly people.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I just gave up on that part of my life. A person can only take it up to a certain point. Both when I was looking and when I was not looking never worked out. I got tired. Enough is enough.

 

[Cosmic dust]

I just gave up on that part of my life. A person can only take it up to a certain point. Both when I was looking and when I was not looking never worked out. I got tired. Enough is enough.

I wish I could do this, but my brain insists on creating all sorts of delusions just o make me suffer. Its like a have a defective defense system that is supposed to make life look beautiful and tolerable, but that ends up fucking me up, by making me want to have other people.

A bit ashamed of my last post, I am having a meltdown today, partly because of that person.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I wish I could do this, but my brain insists on creating all sorts of delusions just o make me suffer. Its like a have a defective defense system that is supposed to make life look beautiful and tolerable, but that ends up fucking me up, by making me want to have other people.

A bit ashamed of my last post, I am having a meltdown today, partly because of that person.

I'm so sorry for your suffering. I know it's hard but it's the best decision for us. I don't want to be hurt anytime soon, fuck that. Take care.

 

[woe-boy]

I long for my ex almost daily. We were together a very short time, but he was the only one that made me happy in my quarter of a century on this ball of rock. I finally felt freedom. When he went sus and red-flagged to all hell, then dumped me because I was on to him, I didn't know I was also letting something end that was extremely good for my psyche.

I did stupid shit through apps to get his attention I constantly regret doing. That was a terrible move. I wish there was a way we could patch things in some way, but I know it is likely irreparable. How that makes me feel makes me long to die, seriously. I still love him and it's the most painful sacrifice ever at 25.

You know who you are, Crimm.... I miss you and I wish we could talk one final time.

 

[Lostandlooking]

I've done this in the past. It was something I did to distract me from negative feelings. Just fantasizing about people you know are unavailable.

It's horrible to deal with loneliness and a longing for connection. I symphatize though I don't really feel that way myself. I no longer fantasize about real people because I can't hold on to the illusion. I know they are probably different from what I imagine them to be and they probably won't be able to fullfill my needs. For someone to be able to do that they would have to be a complete fantasy person. There's also the risk of me hurting someone else. So now I sometimes make up people in my mind. And then it's still hard to feel a connection to them.

It kinda works though. I'd rather make up a person in my mind than connect with real people. Who I know are very complex, they are capable of wonderful things but also horrible things. I don't feel like taking the gamble anymore. I know a lot of people crave real human connections. And I'm sorry it doesn't seem to work out for a lot of people.