Loneliest things you've ever done?

[nir]

I went to a concert alone last night (very fun, had a good time), and at one point someone behind me bonked my head by accident. Before I could turn around, they placed their hand softly on my back and I could hear them apologize. I froze. I can't remember the last time I felt someone touch my skin who wasn't a doctor/doctor-adjacent or a family member. Their hand felt so warm on my back, I could feel the warmth for like twenty minutes afterwards. I couldn't even turn around to look at them because I just totally short-circuited from being touched so gently.

I'm 26. This is supposed to be the prime of my life. Instead, I just sit in my dirty apartment alone. I'm so lonely. It drives me up the wall. I'm considering getting plastic surgery so that I have a chance of being with someone long-term. I have an appointment coming up to speak with a facial surgeon - I hope they can give me some hope here.

What is the loneliest thing you've ever done/felt? All around me are people in happy relationships. I guess I want to feel less alone with how lonely I am.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Several years ago I was in a long distance relationship. It was my first ever relationship and I thought I was very lucky to have someone, even if I'd never see them irl.

One night I was in bed crying, felt so lonely so I imagined my long distance boyfriend touching my hair and actually felt a touch. Felt the warmth of that for several minutes, it didnt feel like a real touch but it was definitely not just imagination. It had been several years since I had been touched by anyone.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I told the nurses at the ER that I have literally no one as an emergency contact, when I was getting IV fluids and electrolytes because of eating disorder complications. It's fucking embarrassing to have to say that.

 

[qw3rty259]

I went to the Steel Panther concert once, alone... if you know the band you know that their live shows are meant for partying and stuff. But I couldn't find anyone to go with me that day, which was weird. On the one hand, it's just a great band to hear live, but on the other hand, you also see all those people losing their minds and you have no one to share this moment with and do the same

 

[annointed_towers]

I will die alone. That's the loneliest thing I can do.

 

[Sat]

Whenever I cry on bed, I suppress my tears because no one would see and do anything about it.

Now I forgot how to cry

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I literally do almost everything alone now in my life

 

[lamargue]

all the times that i've walked around the city at night alone

 

[Holu]

I message my dead friends since I'm outta people I can truthfully and honestly express myself with. I could when they were alive, and I suppose I still can now that they have passed but naturally its not the same

all the times that i've walked around the city at night alone

I'm weird maybe, but late nighttime, raining, and in the city walking is very comforting and safe for me. I'd prefer it to walking with others in any situation.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do most things alone. Visit places, go to the cinema, even go on holiday alone. I don't like eating out alone. That makes me feel uncomfortable.

One of the most pathetic things recently is (and this is kind of disgusting...) there are a few flies about at the moment. Tail end of Summer in the UK. Windows open. A fly landed on me the other day and seemed to be drinking my sweat and, I just let it. It was quite cute really and it was some form of contact!

But yeah- I relate to you. Even someone just holding your arm or putting their hand on your shoulder can mean a lot when you're on your own.

 

[Holu]

I do most things alone. Visit places, go to the cinema, even go on holiday alone. I don't like eating out alone. That makes me feel uncomfortable.

One of the most pathetic things recently is (and this is kind of disgusting...) there are a few flies about at the moment. Tail end of Summer in the UK. Windows open. A fly landed on me the other day and seemed to be drinking my sweat and, I just let it. It was quite cute really and it was some form of contact!

But yeah- I relate to you. Even someone just holding your arm or putting their hand on your shoulder can mean a lot when you're on your own.

I also hate eating out alone. If I ever get food solo I'm eating in my car lmao.

I have a friend who goes to movies alone. I never really got the appeal since I've never done it solo but I don't see solo people at movies as looking lonely.

Also ew flies. Flies nasty. Flies are why I let any spider in my vicinity live and put webs up. Fuck flies.

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

My days of severe loneliness is in the past thankfully, but it could end up crying daily from how bad loneliness can get. So I tried messaging myself as a distraction or just push a button on my keyboard because "there are millions doing the same thing and many people pressing the same key at the same time as you" sort of deal ectect or other stupid ways of feeling like I'm with people. That or treat body parts as seperate individuals or connect with objects as if they are people and talk to them to form their personality and what I talk to them for. Always kind of had some form of disconnection from people, so I could get frustrated or pained by it even more when I tried to do some social things and couldn't feel the connection I desperately needed

I still dont have much contact irl aside passer bys and running into familiar people, but I've become rather content with where I am because mental issues would make it hard for me to keep anything in person. Regardless, I've grown significantly over the years. Even if I still don't feel the connection of the extremely rare physical touches 99% of the time

 

[peaceandlove]

Whenever I cry on bed, I suppress my tears because no one would see and do anything about it.

Now I forgot how to cry

My tears have been utterly ignored to the point now I don't even notice in crying sometimes. It's kinda the opposite, but I feel you. I'm sorry. I'd hug you. Or bring you kleenex. Something. Not nothing.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Damn. These admissions are intense...
I was just going to say shopping on AdamandEve.com...

 

[HereTomorrow]

Cuddle a stuffed animal with lofi hip hop music and carass it all over as if it was an actual human being feeling my hands until I begin to feel emotions.

Also when I play score based videogames I sometimes shout to myself "Yo that chart was hard!" and "How do you like my new high score?" when literally nobody else is in the room, just to feel appreciated, just to make videogames seem more exciting.

 

[wCvML2]

Not something I did, I don't do much of anything except be terminally online, but as a grown ass adult my mother asked my cousin if I could join him to a party he was going to without consulting with me on the appropriateness of that. My cousin is very social which is cool and I like seeing that he's content, I just don't want to be a parasite to his social endeavors.

 

[Metalhead]

I literally do almost everything alone now in my life

Same here

 

[Gangrel]

Listen to audio of people sleeping or breathing. I know, crazy.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I can't say the worst thought most likely when I was younger. I have spent most of my life by myself, focusing on things that interest me. Although it has kept me busy, I wished things were different while comparing myself to others. It can be dark and scary while there's no one else to rely on.

According to Tarot my birth and personality would be "Hermit and The Moon"- perhaps some of you have some similar traits, or I would recommend checking it out.

Tarot Birth Card Calculator

Your Tarot birth cards are determined by the day you were born. Which ones belong to you, and what do they mean? Our birth card calculator has the answers.

www.tarot.com

 

[pain6batch9]

I was wrapped in a sleeping bag once, at the top of a stairwell in a block of flats in south London. I had a tin opener and a tin of meatballs which I couldn't heat up. So I opened the tin and ate them cold. I remember thinking, ...fuck.

Strangely enough, some of the loneliest times in my life, I was surrounded by people. Standing in a crowd in the city for example. But I love crowds, they provide anonymity. Well, they used to before facial recognition.

 

[Mirrory Me]

My days of severe loneliness is in the past thankfully, but it could end up crying daily from how bad loneliness can get. So I tried messaging myself as a distraction or just push a button on my keyboard because "there are millions doing the same thing and many people pressing the same key at the same time as you" sort of deal ectect or other stupid ways of feeling like I'm with people. That or treat body parts as seperate individuals or connect with objects as if they are people and talk to them to form their personality and what I talk to them for. Always kind of had some form of disconnection from people, so I could get frustrated or pained by it even more when I tried to do some social things and couldn't feel the connection I desperately needed

I still dont have much contact irl aside passer bys and running into familiar people, but I've become rather content with where I am because mental issues would make it hard for me to keep anything in person. Regardless, I've grown significantly over the years. Even if I still don't feel the connection of the extremely rare physical touches 99% of the time

Same. I am like living out different characters or personalities through them by playing with my toys (I have gathered some sort of "friendship group" that "works on together").

 

[Gangrel]

I told the nurses at the ER that I have literally no one as an emergency contact, when I was getting IV fluids and electrolytes because of eating disorder complications. It's fucking embarrassing to have to say that.

have you tried being less stinky?

 

[nux_walpurgis]

Feeling so desperately lonely that I went into online chatrooms hoping to find someone to have a meaningful conversation with. Guess what, it was full of horny men asking for pictures and saying lewd things. I have never broken down crying harder in my life.

Feeling so utterly and hopelessly alone in an apartment in a building full of people. It was almost surreal. A guttural void.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

have you tried being less stinky?

Yes but my big fat tapeworm won't let me

 

[nir]

Listen to audio of people sleeping or breathing. I know, crazy.

I do the same thing!!

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I can't say the worst thought most likely when I was younger. I have spent most of my life by myself, focusing on things that interest me. Although it has kept me busy, I wished things were different while comparing myself to others. It can be dark and scary while there's no one else to rely on.

According to Tarot my birth and personality would be "Hermit and The Moon"- perhaps some of you have some similar traits, or I would recommend checking it out.

Tarot Birth Card Calculator

Your Tarot birth cards are determined by the day you were born. Which ones belong to you, and what do they mean? Our birth card calculator has the answers.

www.tarot.com

@derpyderpins
I got the Chariot and the Tower, fwiw.

 

[derpyderpins]

@derpyderpins
I got the Chariot and the Tower, fwiw.

Both are fitting for you, imo.

The Chariot is confident and aggressive. The Chariot would not fit someone who keeps everything bottled up, it would be for someone who speaks their mind. It's a card full of energy, and no one who has read some of your creative writings could deny that it's full of energy.

The Tower I think you'll find even more appropriate. The Tower is nothing like what I originally pictured when I played my first Persona game. I figured it was sturdy, structured. . . boring. No, the Tower is built on shaky ground and collapsing. It's a card of chaos and destruction, people are actually falling out of it. A real "let it burn and leave it behind" kind of deal. (I think of the Cure's "Doing the Unstuck" if you know it.) The Tower is a card saying you will put up with some shit and it will change you, but it is not a card of total devastation, as after the chaos something new and better can be built.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I do most things alone. Visit places, go to the cinema, even go on holiday alone. I don't like eating out alone. That makes me feel uncomfortable.

Same.

 

[sugarb]

Your mom. lol

no but really I sat on top of a pillar on one corner of a small bridge in the middle of the night for about two hours just staring off into space. I just wanted to feel the wind. I also occasionally record voice memos when I'm by myself just to pretend I'm talking honestly to someone

 

[derpyderpins]

To actually contribute to the OP:

There's a difference between alone and lonely. I went to a concert alone once, and there's a big story to that night that I'm not telling again but the concert itself didn't feel lonely at all, it was people who liked the same artist. Same with going out drinking "alone," I'd almost always meet and talk to someone.

I have spent a lot of time in my late teens to late twenties wandering streets alone and just thinking. Lots of times there would be people out on the main streets in groups partying and having fun and that would be depressing in its own way so I'd find more desolate areas to just walk, occasionally sit, and think. That was very lonely. Of course, my peak suicidality came with a lot of loneliness on the roof and out by the train tracks in the middle of the night.

The weird thing, though, is that the most lonely-sounding things may be from my childhood. Only child and I now understand that I was neurodivergent, I played almost exclusively with my own imagination a lot of the time: making civilizations with my toys, playing both sides in card games or board games or similar, or having my toys "pretend" to be the other people, coming up with 1000 new deviations for multiplayer games against only the computer, designing game rules and limits so it could be interesting by myself, basketball or other sports by myself but imagining there were others and imagining scenarios. I know every kid probably does that to an extent but for me it was almost everything.

It sounds lonely, but none of that really made me lonely as a kid. Once I got to high school and felt the pressure to be accepted, yeah, but not as a kid. It was liberating to have that time to make my own worlds where I ultimately had control and could make the outcome worthwhile. It was more interesting than normal life.