Discussion Living to die or dying to live?

[Busridin'26]

I think anyone who's been on here lately knows my stance on life and such / where im at with dying... and if ya don't ill recap real quick.

I've been tryna live and such and that's led to a lot of freaking struggles. Lot of push back from my own self mentally & physically.

Now that I have my method almost bought and acquired I feel this vigor I haven't in a long time. Is it for life or excitement for death or both?

Sometimes people feel a sense of being able to live once they have their method or don't go through with it so I am preparing for that as well and feeling it already tbh.


I wanna focus on something other than suicide while I wait for my method to come.

I feel like some things like certain relationships might be just ruined but we shall seee....

I think having a method on the way is only half way enough. I need the rest. The full regimen and such together and then shall see.

Sooo within the sense of looking at everything... does having a method/a way out is that enough for y'all?

Or do y'all need the full ride out to be reassured?

Are ya living to die or dying to live?

Personally I think im somewhere in the middle in that... Im dying to live but it causes a lot of pain so I might be living to die...


I'm kinda half and half. Lets see what a week of fully not caring does as I wait for method.


Any thoughts? Just random questions.

 

[throwaway280948]

I would say that while you wait for your method to come in. Instead of having a week of not caring what if you tried to learn how to care for yourself, show yourself compassion and cut yourself some slack because life isn't easy, healing isn't a straightforward journey everything takes time. Also learning the root cause of trauma and hurt within is really healing. Please be gentle with yourself my friend. We are all delicate flowers in our own ways. :) My pms are always open my friend.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I'm definitely living to die. In fact I'm already dead, yet my body is alive.
When you finally stop caring, it's quite an extraordinary feeling. Literally nothing matters anymore.
It's as though you are in the world, yet not a part of it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It definitely makes me feel more easy knowing that I acquired a possible way out of here. Still- no- it hasn't given me a new lease of life. I feel stuck here while my Dad is still alive. It's just a matter for me to try and keep treading water from now until then and hope I have the guts to carry it out when the time comes.

Oddly- I felt very little at all when I bought it. I thought I'd feel panic but no- it was like ordering anything else in life. I wondered if that meant I was ready for it. Still- it's not like I intended to use it straight away. Maybe that's why. I'm sure I'll be frightened if/when the time comes.