Living to be better than my dad

[Pubert]

I've been recovering from suicidal thoughts with medication and therapy, but I still find it hard to motivate myself to do basic life things. I don't want to die as much anymore but I don't really want to live either. The thing that motivates me the most sometimes is to try to be a better person than my dad. He isn't a horrible person, but he isn't good either, just a mediocre person. He feels like more of a "parental guardian" than a dad. He is financially supportive, but socially and emotionality distant, selfish, lazy, a poor husband and father and full of self pity. I can recognize some of these things in myself as I am his son and have grown up with him, and it honestly scares me sometimes. I would rather ctb than be like my dad.

Is anyone else just living so that they can be better than someone else?

Is this a bad mindset?

 

[summers]

I wasn't suicidal at the time, but it does feel great knowing I far surpassed my parents in pretty much every metric, probably by the age of 24 or 25.

Nothing wrong with having goals. Don't worry what other people think about them - it's about you and what you want to accomplish.

@Pubert if you don't want to be like your dad, then don't. He gave you a clear blueprint on what not to do. I'm the same way, and I'm worlds different than my father. I never looked up to him, never really cared about him. Thank god my parents divorced when I was young and I didn't have to live with him growing up.

 

[noname223]

I don't live for being better than my dad. Though I try not to become like my dad. We have some similariities. OCD and depression. We are both losers but in different senses. My dad looked away when my mom abused me. He scapegoats weak and innocent people for the faults he has made. He is very ignorant and stupid. For example he told me quite often that I was too smart for suicide.
I am really scared to become like him. But maybe I am even a way bigger losers. In contrast to him I cannot work and I never had a partner etc.

 

[Sherri]

I'm also living to be better than my parents, I wear my heart in my sleeve, since a child, that's what got me far in life before my world crumbled. Every time they said I couldn't achieve something I would prove them i could. This went on all my life. Unlike me they are cold, in the past I've sent messages saying I love you and all, no reply, not even we like you too. I won't ever be like them either

 

[timf]

The imagery can be useful, but there is a potential that it could go wrong. If you begin to see your father as a villain, it might contribute to a bitterness that can poison a life. As long as you can view him with sadness and compassion, it can help avoid this possibility.