Venting Living is so terrifying

[card1nal]

I've lost my sense of time almost completely and I can't recognize myself. I know I'm probably having another psychotic episode, but I have no means of getting help. My feelings are becoming more blunted again. I feel so empty. I'm so scared of myself and everyone around me. I can see all my symptoms coming to a head, letting me know that I'm spiraling, but I feel absolutely powerless. I know I'm acting differently and it's scaring others, but I feel incapable of acting normal anymore for the sake of others. I can escape for a few moments every once in a while by listening to music or making art, but I generally always feel fear or nothing at all. I try reaching out to others online who have dealt with what I'm going through and they all tell me to reach out to a doctor and get help, but I can't. I feel so stuck.

 

[TapeMachine]

I'm really sorry that you're feeling so much discomfort. If it's okay to ask, why are you unable to reach out to doctors for help?

 

[card1nal]

I'm really sorry that you're feeling so much discomfort. If it's okay to ask, why are you unable to reach out to doctors for help?

Therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists that take my insurance all have an extremely long wait list to see them. I don't have the money to see someone without my insurance, unfortunately. Reaching out is also very hard.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What's barring you from being able to access help?

Edit: never mind, saw you answered the question. That really stinks.

 

[card1nal]

What's barring you from being able to access help?

Long wait lists and no money to reach out to professionals who do not take my insurance.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like an awful situation to be trapped in, this life certainly is so unnecessarily cruel. But anyway, I wish you the best.