Venting Living in limbo

[Chiisai]

For the past few weeks, I have slowly lost the drive to make things happen be it CTB or living. It feels like everyday, Im just a person who's just waiting for my life to rot away. I may express laughter or sadness from time to time but it doesnt run deep as it did before. Feels shallow and hollow. I see my method everyday but have succumbed to inaction. Since the start of my inaction, I have this ideation that somehow at some point psychogenic death will kick in for me. Sigh. Still hopeful of fantasies.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I understand exactly what you mean. We need some kind of motivation/energy to do anything, even prepare to ctb.
Sometimes we are just unable to even move. We can only gaze at the ceiling as we watch all the images of our lives take place there, like a movie.

Eventually we look at our phones or pc, but it takes all our energy to do anything.

 

[Tomoko]

I understand exactly what you mean. We need some kind of motivation/energy to do anything, even prepare to ctb.
Sometimes we are just unable to even move. We can only gaze at the ceiling as we watch all the images of our lives take place there, like a movie.

Eventually we look at our phones or pc, but it takes all our energy to do anything.

This. A million times this. Usually my free time these days is spent listening to music and romanticising the past. No drive or motivation to do anything else.

 

[chocolatebar]

It's like I'm already dead

 

[Chiisai]

I understand exactly what you mean. We need some kind of motivation/energy to do anything, even prepare to ctb.
Sometimes we are just unable to even move. We can only gaze at the ceiling as we watch all the images of our lives take place there, like a movie.

Eventually we look at our phones or pc, but it takes all our energy to do anything.

True. There are times I get the energy to go out but most of my day is spent rotting in bed. Feels like my body is tryinf its best to hang on even if I want to let go.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I lack the energy and motivation to do most things. Everything is tiring. I feel like that a lot of the time. It is not living, but just existing. I do wish it was easier to leave this world, but it is difficult as we are programmed to survive. I'm sorry you are suffering, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[TheLoneWolf]

You want to live and not just exist.

When you feel you are just existing you lose motivation to do anything. I think as modern humans today we need some kind of purpose to keep going on. For those living in pain and suffering it can be very hard to find purpose or meaning.

 

[Chiisai]

I understand, I lack the energy and motivation to do most things. Everything is tiring. I feel like that a lot of the time. It is not living, but just existing. I do wish it was easier to leave this world, but it is difficult as we are programmed to survive. I'm sorry you are suffering, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Yes. Definitely we are hard-wired for survival as it has been the trait to have evolved this far from millions of years ago. I am starting to think though that if we can program ourselves for survival maybe it is also possible to program ourselves to pass at will. Furthermore, maybe others have already unlocked it with evidences such as psychogenic death/voodoo death and/or broken heart syndrome and we just need to accurately pinpoint down to the neurotransmitters/chemicals to know how to trigger it. With further research, who knows, maybe in the future we dont have to emulate the situations anymore to trigger these conditions but instead are just in a form of a pill. :)