Venting Living for no reason

[Vombie12]

I literally have no reason to live anymore, but yet I still feel I shouldn't/can't kill myself, even though I'm at a point I feel I deserve to- as I've been suicidal for just around 9-10 years and have had absolutely no support, and not even strong antidepressants have helped much.

Ppl find out I cut myself and never give a shit, I don't expect anyone to make a big deal/pity me cause I do it to help myself/not for attention, but ig it just somewhere within me tells me people don't really care about me, and that means I'll be easy to get over. Plus, one of my parents knows and uses it against me- and always uses the trauma they gave me to tell me how bad of a child I was/that's why they abused me. My other parent I've held on for them for the longest time but I'm recently realizing I think I over 'heroized' (or smth like that?) my other parent b/c of having an abusive parent, but really both do things that hurt me in the end- and both obviously favour my sister over me which hurts since I've essentialy thrown away my entire life trying to impress them to get praise and an ounce of attention.

I guess overall I'm just at my end. I hate everything about my life, and while I know maybe I could make changes that could help, i have no aid to actually escape my situation at the moment. I think at this point who cares if people grieve or I'm 'selfish' because for once I want to actually do something that will be for me :/ But yet I still feel I shouldn't kill myself, ig an ounce of me looks for the bright future I want so badly and wants to get to that point even if I want more than anything to die.

 

[Cyc]

It's understandable how you feel. At the end of the day, think carefully about what you do and don't act on impulse

Also we care for you here, well I do at least. Self harm is a horrible thing to go through, especially when people use it against you. My DMs are always open if you wanna talk :)

 

[Vombie12]

It's understandable how you feel. At the end of the day, think carefully about what you do and don't act on impulse

Also we care for you here, well I do at least. Self harm is a horrible thing to go through, especially when people use it against you. My DMs are always open if you wanna talk :)

Thank you :(( I don't plan to act on impulse yet, and I'm going to see my doctor for meds and seeking therapy again as kinda a last resort ig. And again thank you so much, it's nice to have a place where people care about me and my struggles <3

 

[Cyc]

Thank you :(( I don't plan to act on impulse yet, and I'm going to see my doctor for meds and seeking therapy again as kinda a last resort ig. And again thank you so much, it's nice to have a place where people care about me and my struggles <3

No problem :) seeking therapy and meds is a good first step if u plan on trying to recover. hope it goes well!