A
AmIForReal
Member
- Aug 16, 2024
- 5
I am in my fifties (51M) and have had suicidal thoughts for over 30 years. That's what they are: thoughts. When I analyze these thoughts:
Objectively I am not too bad of in life. So, I feel these thoughts are not genuine compared to what others here might be going through (and so maybe this site is not the place for me?). But still, they are there.
In the title I mentioned that I probably would not do it. I really don't know. I came across this site and other resources like 5 years ago. I read through the methods and each time I get scared. If it were easy, I probably would have done it and that would be ok also.
I was just wondering of anyone could relate? Like deep down knowing you probably will never do it, but still using it in your thought processes.
(I am new, so I can't search. Please point me to a thread if it exists).
I did find the resources sticky threads. I am looking into them right now. But a bit overwhelming.
- Partly, at times, I really don't want to be here (though at this moment I am feeling ok)
- Partly, because I don't see me able to change my behavior (coping mechanisms; mild anxiety etc) or I'll be 60 when I get out of therapy.
- Partly, self-pity
- Partly, it is an option that I take into account when making life decisions. ('Well, if that doesn't work out I can always ….'). Or not choosing a path (life/death) and staying stuck in limbo.
- Partly, I want to hurt the people that let me down.
Objectively I am not too bad of in life. So, I feel these thoughts are not genuine compared to what others here might be going through (and so maybe this site is not the place for me?). But still, they are there.
In the title I mentioned that I probably would not do it. I really don't know. I came across this site and other resources like 5 years ago. I read through the methods and each time I get scared. If it were easy, I probably would have done it and that would be ok also.
I was just wondering of anyone could relate? Like deep down knowing you probably will never do it, but still using it in your thought processes.
(I am new, so I can't search. Please point me to a thread if it exists).
I did find the resources sticky threads. I am looking into them right now. But a bit overwhelming.