Like a bomb in the house....(SN)

[The nerd]

Maybe not the best analogy, but I feel like this 10lb pail of SN is equivalent of having a ticking time bomb in the house. A couple weeks it's been here and I stare at it every single day. When I'm not looking at it I am thinking about it. It's weird, and scary all the same. I am optimistic about my future and have an intense worrying problem- I am fearful something is coming for me. I wish it were gone. Debt becoming insurmountable due to loss of job is another reason (secondary to my fear of the unknown) is something I can just deal with. It's the getting out of my own head thing that I just can't shake. 10lbs of sn is overkill but it's all I could find online at the time. I just had to get this out, no other point really. Just having another bad day and I am thinking CTB more than usual.

 

[Victor.K]

Damn, 10lb of SN is more than enough, lol. I can understand what you feel, I used to experience a similar thing years ago, I had big problems in life yet didn't want to kill myself, yet I feared that one day I'd do it. Now I feel at ease with the idea, the only thing that I fear is what my family will become without me.

 

[The nerd]

Damn, 10lb of SN is more than enough, lol. I can understand what you feel, I used to experience a similar thing years ago, I had big problems in life yet didn't want to kill myself, yet I feared that one day I'd do it. Now I feel at ease with the idea, the only thing that I fear is what my family will become without me.

Yea, it's really the only thing keeping me checked in right now. (Family) Been drinking a lot the past couple weeks. It's literally the only thing that gives me a momentary relief where I stop worrying so much. I know it's counterproductive but better than stressing in bed paralyzed by fear.

 

[Victor.K]

I know it's counterproductive but better than stressing in bed paralyzed by fear.

This hit way to close to home, maybe I should start drinking too. How do you feel when you drink ? Do the pain completely goes away or does it remain, althrough lower than normally ?

 

[The nerd]

This hit way to close to home, maybe I should start drinking too. How do you feel when you drink ? Do the pain completely goes away or does it remain, althrough lower than normally ?

I gives me....and it's weird. I guess to explain it, it takes the pain away temporarily. Gets me moving around the house, makes me productive. I am not advising it, it's not good. But it is working for me.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Be careful you don't drink too much and lose whatever is holding you back from making a rash decision. I've come close to that with my SN stash and have had to keep it out of sight. Alcohol and SN don't mix very well either I've heard.

 

[Rena rossy]

I used to drink to feel better, it used to work. It helped me not to think and just have fun with my friends. Now, not even that helps and I don't even feel like drinking, even if I drink I keep thinking over the things that happend that make me take the decision of ctb... So it may work if you haven't drank before or started recently.

 

[The nerd]

Be careful you don't drink too much and lose whatever is holding you back from making a rash decision. I've come close to that with my SN stash and have had to keep it out of sight. Alcohol and SN don't mix very well either I've heard.

That's what worries me as well. And we have a small gun in the house. I wouldn't go that way though. Sn seems to be the way from the research I have been doing.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

That's what worries me as well. And we have a small gun in the house. I wouldn't go that way though. Sn seems to be the way from the research I have been doing.

Small gun could end very badly yes. SN would be much more reliable and peaceful. I have large guns and still prefer the SN method personally.

 

[TAW122]

I used to have a shotgun at where I lived, but I stored it away at another place while I am moving home. I'm more concerned about it's discovery as it's my method to go when things get too hard. I don't really have SN nor the required materials to make the method work for me. Therefore, I'm going with the shotgun method to CTB when time comes. I'm sorry to hear about your torments and financial problems in life, I also have financial problems too (student loan debts to pay off) on top of whatever else I'm going through as well (including day to day life's shittiness).