Venting Life was wasted on me

[LaVieEnRose]

Such a sad realization. What a waste of privilege. What a waste of entropy. Anyone else feel something similar?

 

[freedomcalls]

Yep, I have so many privileges, and the honour of being a mother…. And I'm such a fucked up excuse for a human being that all I have is not enough. I'm scared of how my mental illness affects my children and I think they'd be better off without me

 

[hopeless302]

Yeah. I grew up being told that I was special and I could make something of my life. Instead I grew into a recluse with no support system and absolutely zero motivation to do anything productive. I am the emobdiment of wasted potential. There are so many people more deserving of walking this earth than me, yet I am still here... too cowardly and indecisive to pull the plug. Every day above ground is a travesty for me.

 

[Barteljaap]

Definitely. I feel like any chance of good coming out of my life has passed, and even though I don't really believe in free will, it's hard not to blame myself for it.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Yeah. I grew up being told that I was special and I could make something of my life. Instead I grew into a recluse with no support system and absolutely zero motivation to do anything productive. I am the emobdiment of wasted potential. There are so many people more deserving of walking this earth than me, yet I am still here... too cowardly and indecisive to pull the plug. Every day above ground is a travesty for me.

Are you sure you're not me? I came here to write basically THIS. I guess what I've made of my life is an instruction manual for how not to do it. The best thing I can do at this point is to go out in a big enough way that people can point at my life and use it to threaten their children.

 

[Alnilam]

Yeah. I grew up being told that I was special and I could make something of my life. Instead I grew into a recluse with no support system and absolutely zero motivation to do anything productive. I am the emobdiment of wasted potential. There are so many people more deserving of walking this earth than me, yet I am still here... too cowardly and indecisive to pull the plug. Every day above ground is a travesty for me.

This is exactly my experience. They told me I had the potential to become a writer or illustrator, then proceeded to crush those dreams when they had my best friend tear my doodles out of my math notebook. I lost interest in both writing and drawing, because I never cared for the topics they'd force me to write about, I only did it to appease them but it all amounted to nothing. Whether I was the teacher's pet or the no-show, it was all for nothing. Once middleschool rolled around I developed depression and lost interest in drawing altogether.

 

[hopeless302]

Are you sure you're not me? I came here to write basically THIS. I guess what I've made of my life is an instruction manual for how not to do it. The best thing I can do at this point is to go out in a big enough way that people can point at my life and use it to threaten their children.

I'm sending you nothing but the best wishes imaginable. This world can be a very cruel place, and you've probably had to endure many things which brought you here. For whatever it's worth though, I do hope you still find small pockets of happiness and hope wherever possible.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I'm sending you nothing but the best wishes imaginable. This world can be a very cruel place, and you've probably had to endure many things which brought you here. For whatever it's worth though, I do hope you still find small pockets of happiness and hope wherever possible.

Thank you, and I wish the same thing for you!

 

[hopeless302]

This is exactly my experience. They told me I had the potential to become a writer or illustrator, then proceeded to crush those dreams when they had my best friend tear my doodles out of my math notebook. I lost interest in both writing and drawing, because I never cared for the topics they'd force me to write about, I only did it to appease them but it all amounted to nothing. Whether I was the teacher's pet or the no-show, it was all for nothing. Once middleschool rolled around I developed depression and lost interest in drawing altogether.

What happened to you was awful, and I understand why you wouldn't be interested in drawing/illustration anymore after that. I hope you still have some other passions that can help distract you from... everything, I guess.

 

[Pluto]

I feel the pain of all of you, but I hope you don't mind me disagreeing with your sentiment.

I've worked professionally with children, researched parenting, delved into spirituality and learned a lot from my own miserable life experience. My view is that if you have fallen short of your potential, it's very likely that you were failed by your carers at some level, or denied the right opportunities. They didn't protect you from harm enough, didn't encourage you enough, or pushed you in foolish ways that made you lose passion.

Besides all of that, if I were a parent, I would routinely drill into my children that while I encourage trying hard and aiming for success, any victories are always temporary so don't matter that much. The only thing does matter is knowing you are loved unconditionally and nothing that could ever happen in the world will change that. I send that same message to all of you now. (And yes, my flame suit is on so roast me if you want.)

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, absolutely. My parents but Mum especially desperately wanted children. They were told it was a medical impossibility. My Mum noticed an unusual looking mole on her arm but the doctor brushed it of as just an agrevated mole. It got worse and she was being sick in the morning. They diagnosed skin cancer but found she was also pregnant. She delayed starting chemo because of me and for years I believed that she died because of it.

My Dad tries to assure me that it was too late anyway by the time it had been correctly diagnosed and she would only have lasted a few months more if they had started treatment earlier. Still, I still wish that they had because I think she loved life and I hate it. I know it was her/ their choice but it still feels like such a waste.

 

[Barteljaap]

They didn't protect you from harm enough, didn't encourage you enough, or pushed you in foolish ways that made you lose passion.

Kind of. There was enormous pressure put on me. Even though I haven't made anything of it at this stage, I still have my passion but it's like my brain can't engage with it anymore as a result of the stress I've been through.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Are you sure you're not me? I came here to write basically THIS. I guess what I've made of my life is an instruction manual for how not to do it. The best thing I can do at this point is to go out in a big enough way that people can point at my life and use it to threaten their children.

I'm curious what completely derailed you and prevented you from going back on track? You must have felt so helpless about somethings?
I feel like I was unlucky from the start.
There are things I could have been more grateful for. But most of my suffering and my severe anxiety happened since I was a kid and lasted long enaugh to break me completely. Dk if I ever had a chance in the first place. Some people are gaslighted into believing they had a normal childhood and they were actually privileged.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

I think I had potential at least at one point, but it's gone now. Things can always turn around of course, but I'm not interested in living anymore.

My parents weren't particularly hard on me, but I still grew up with a paralyzing fear of failure and embarrassment that haunts me to this day. Had I not been so afraid of failing or looking foolish I might have tried harder, or at least tried. Many times, I didn't even bother to take a chance because I was so scared of what would happen if I didn't succeed and what people would think.

 

[Onw9]

this is redemption

 

[Orchidia]

I feel the pain of all of you, but I hope you don't mind me disagreeing with your sentiment.

I've worked professionally with children, researched parenting, delved into spirituality and learned a lot from my own miserable life experience. My view is that if you have fallen short of your potential, it's very likely that you were failed by your carers at some level, or denied the right opportunities. They didn't protect you from harm enough, didn't encourage you enough, or pushed you in foolish ways that made you lose passion.

Besides all of that, if I were a parent, I would routinely drill into my children that while I encourage trying hard and aiming for success, any victories are always temporary so don't matter that much. The only thing does matter is knowing you are loved unconditionally and nothing that could ever happen in the world will change that. I send that same message to all of you now. (And yes, my flame suit is on so roast me if you want.)

This is the answer to almost all issues of life, if you have bad parents you are fucked, i used to be really smart, but my parents never set limits, they treated me like if i was their equal and always had issues with authority figures, my mother got into the relationship between me and my dad so i never acquired the abilities you need from a male figure, my mother is a psycho and i developed avoidant personality disorder.
People think they have free will but everyone just acts accordingly to their unconscious programming.
All that you are is because of you ancestors, in your dna there is all the emotional and genetic data that you are going to reproduce.
Its really simple, if you have bad parents there is an 80% that you are fucked.
All i can say is that nothing is random about how you are, how you act and the people you are surrounded with.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Yep, I have so many privileges, and the honour of being a mother…. And I'm such a fucked up excuse for a human being that all I have is not enough. I'm scared of how my mental illness affects my children and I think they'd be better off without me

I feel the same dude I don't know what to do anymore!!

 

[lebrodude]

This is exactly how I feel.
Ive wasted my life and the many opportunities in my life I wasted to become a better person.
Now there's no fixing it.

 

[Orchidia]

The typical wasted potential, it is really sad

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I feel the pain of all of you, but I hope you don't mind me disagreeing with your sentiment.

I've worked professionally with children, researched parenting, delved into spirituality and learned a lot from my own miserable life experience. My view is that if you have fallen short of your potential, it's very likely that you were failed by your carers at some level, or denied the right opportunities. They didn't protect you from harm enough, didn't encourage you enough, or pushed you in foolish ways that made you lose passion.

Besides all of that, if I were a parent, I would routinely drill into my children that while I encourage trying hard and aiming for success, any victories are always temporary so don't matter that much. The only thing does matter is knowing you are loved unconditionally and nothing that could ever happen in the world will change that. I send that same message to all of you now. (And yes, my flame suit is on so roast me if you want.)

Sure, disagree. Nothing I say is gospel truth. I was definitely failed by certain institutions, but having autism meant the deck was stacked against me. I didn't even necessarily mean a waste in terms of success, but rather a waste because of being unhappy despite certain advantages (that everyone around me shared, mind you).

 

[UnlimitedPain]

All the time!!

Some comfort in reading the post where it's like my mind was read and @Pluto i think your spot on about careers failing can speak from experience

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I was given the most amazing opportunities and somehow found ways to screw them all up…

 

[HelloIMustBeGoing]

Yeah. I grew up being told that I was special and I could make something of my life. Instead I grew into a recluse with no support system and absolutely zero motivation to do anything productive. I am the emobdiment of wasted potential. There are so many people more deserving of walking this earth than me, yet I am still here... too cowardly and indecisive to pull the plug. Every day above ground is a travesty for me.

I thought I was reading something I must have written.