Story Life Update Since Attempt 2.5 years ago.

[phantomisgone]

Hello everyone,
I'm documenting my journey through life and giving you an update since my last post—just a reminder that I'm still here.

Letting Go of the Past

On November 1, 2024, I made a significant decision: I would no longer hold onto schemes, plans, or negative intentions against those who had tormented me. For years, I was trapped in a cycle of anger—uttering names, reliving painful memories in long daydreams, and even becoming frighteningly enraged at times. Eventually, I realized that clinging to anger was only hurting me, aging me, and weighing me down.

Embracing a New Purpose

I learned that revenge would never mend the past or bring me closer to what truly matters—helping others avoid the pain I once endured. With that clarity, as of today, March 18, 2025, I have let go of my vengeful thoughts, opening the door to a more compassionate and purposeful life.

Navigating College and Life's Lessons

I'm now in my last semester of college—a journey that has been both challenging and eye-opening. College forced me to confront some hard truths: opportunities are often seized by others and sometimes abandoned when they're no longer useful. For instance, trying to optimize an eLC3 has been incredibly difficult; I'm even at risk of failing a class! Yet, these challenges have taught me valuable lessons about resilience and adaptation.

Gratitude for Genuine Connections

Amidst everything, I've met friends who are truly genuine and caring. Even as they prepare to graduate and take their lives in new directions, I remain deeply grateful for the kindness they've shown me. One friend from high school still talks to me and considers me a dear friend. Seeing him last December reminded me that, despite all the pain, there are people who stand by me—even if they don't know the full story. I can't let him down.

Many who know or once knew me might not realize the full extent of my struggles. They don't see that I once felt dead inside, that I experienced a kind of personal and literal death—hospital beds, needles, being restrained to a gurney, spending time in a psych ward, facing arrest, and enduring immense pain. It's surreal and crazy.

The Hidden Weekend

That weekend was a turning point—one that remains a mystery to most who know me. In those few days, I felt as though I had truly died, only to be reborn later. I slipped into a state of dissociation, a place where the world around me faded into the background and my inner turmoil took over. In the midst of that chaos, events spiraled in ways I barely recall: I reached a point where my emotional pain became so overwhelming that I lost touch with reality. Without fully understanding what was happening, I found myself taken to a psych ward for my safety, and even had an encounter with law enforcement when my behavior became erratic.

Yet, despite the gravity of those experiences, the details of that weekend were kept from those who care about me. Not out of a desire for secrecy, but rather because the process of recovery meant that I had to confront and heal from that inner darkness on my own. My loved ones only noticed that I had been absent for a while; they never saw the full extent of my struggle. It was as if I had silently shut off a part of myself, allowing the professionals to help me piece things back together before I was ready to share the truth.

Looking Ahead

Now, I'm working toward starting a business that will help people. I won't go into all the details just yet, but I'm confident about this new venture. I've finally begun believing in myself again, having reached a point of no return. Something inside me prevents me from going back to that dark place. I've changed my appearance, the way I speak to others, how I care for myself, and how I navigate relationships. I truly believe I can make the most of this second chance at life.

One day, perhaps I'll reveal my identity on this site so that others can connect with my story. Until then, all is well—I'm looking forward to the future.

If you would like to read my past history, checkout my profile. I've made everything public.

 

[timf]

Many people do not fully appreciate the purgative and liberating effect considering suicide can have. Some of the most difficult chains to break are the ones we forge ourselves. Revenge can be a shackle that keeps us tied to that which would destroy us. Letting go can be liberating as it also proveds the opportunity to take control instead of being driven by forces that seem out of control.