-nobodyknows-

-nobodyknows-

Specialist
Jun 16, 2024
393
So… this time of year kind of sucks for me. There was something that happened a while ago that really makes me feel guilty about still being alive. So on that particular day, and the days around it, I really feel awful.

Anyway, I told someone about that a little while ago. At the time it seemed like they'd be supportive and willing to be around me during that time, but now… I don't know. I tried reaching out the other day to see if I could hang out with them a little bit but I still haven't heard back and it sucks.

This sort of thing isn't fun. Having people not want to be around you already sucks, but when you have specific dates that make you feel even worse about things and having people that know you're struggling still avoid you regardless… I don't know. I don't really blame them, and they may just be busy or something (which is why I tried to tell them in advance), but still. Maybe it's also because they just don't want to deal with me.

Anyway, point is, life sucks right now. I am incredibly disappointed that after all this time I still don't have anyone I can spend time with during days like these. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been trying to hold out for… something, but it seems so unrealistic at this point.

I don't know why I bother. I should just end it. I'm only going to suffer more the longer I stay here, and I'll only hurt more people. But I am so stupid. I am still trying to cling to an impossible hope. And, I don't really know why anymore.

What am I waiting for?
 
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UnnervedCompany

UnnervedCompany

Member
Jun 21, 2024
49
For some reason every single person I know is currently dealing with their own extreme issues including me. It feels like these couple of weeks are just cursed I have not seen a single person say I am enjoying life rn. I also am having people kind of just disappearing of my life due to my current depression so what I did is just ghost them all to give myself whatever I want no matter how hard it is. People kind of suck tbh they will be by your side until you annoy them in the slightest. OH well tho.
 
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-nobodyknows-

-nobodyknows-

Specialist
Jun 16, 2024
393
For some reason every single person I know is currently dealing with their own extreme issues including me. It feels like these couple of weeks are just cursed I have not seen a single person say I am enjoying life rn. I also am having people kind of just disappearing of my life due to my current depression so what I did is just ghost them all to give myself whatever I want no matter how hard it is. People kind of suck tbh they will be by your side until you annoy them in the slightest. OH well tho.
I could never do that, even though I know at this point I probably should. I'm still foolishly clinging to that idiotic dream of having friends and relationships and living a normal life
 
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UnnervedCompany

UnnervedCompany

Member
Jun 21, 2024
49
I could never do that, even though I know at this point I probably should. I'm still foolishly clinging to that idiotic dream of having friends and relationships and living a normal life
There is no such thing as a normal life unfortunately. Hopefully our issues will pass like whatever this curse that is causing late October to be an simulation of hell.
 
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vanillamilkshakes

vanillamilkshakes

Aspiring Corpse
Aug 26, 2024
286
don't beat yourself up for clinging to hope, it's extremely normal. I guess its your brain way of trying to keep you going
 
Hecubaa

Hecubaa

Member
Sep 30, 2024
31
Hey! I understand what you are going through. I have two specific times each year that bring up a lot of trauma for me. One of those happen to be around this time too. My advise is to cherish the people who still engage with you and distance yourself from those who don''t because, if they know about your struggles yet chose to still not reach out, they are not available for you in the way you need them to be.
 
iloveyouihateyou

iloveyouihateyou

probably die before it hurts
Oct 23, 2024
24
i hear what you're saying and i'm sorry that the time you know you'll feel like shit has come again. it's good you tried to reach out to someone but i experience it too, all too often where people seem receptive at first just to slowly drop off afterwards, it really fucking sucks. it feels like a betrayal almost, especially if you already struggle to open up to others. i also figure these people are just busy and it makes sense but i always think that people make time for people they actually care about, like people usually have people they want to talk to and unfortunately i'm just not that person because i'm too sad to be around or something like that... your situation feels relatable to me, i also wonder what i'm holding out for, the idea of things getting better really does seem more and more unrealistic as time goes on. you say that you also feel like you will hurt more people the longer you live and i feel the same. that thought makes me want out the most tbh.

regardless i hope you're able to get through these cursed days and i hope that whoever you reached out to really is just busy with other life things, people can still come around sometimes. but that feeling when you open up and it amounts to seemingly nothing is such a punch in the gut. maybe after this period of time is over you'll feel a bit better? but i wouldn't blame you if not of course
 

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