Venting Life = shit

[bpdiskillingme]

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I am struggling so much, my thoughts are so dark and it is so hard to carry in pretending to happy, a good friend and a good partner. I feel guilty every waking thought I have is filled with hatered and violence and it's been like this since I was little. It's so hard to work a full time job where I'm out the house 12 hours a day 5 days a week. My mind is plagued with suicide I don't know what to do, I've fallen back into harming myself after being clean for nearly two years everything just sucks. I feel selfish whenever my friends vent about me with their issues I cannot help it but I genuinely cannot understand their struggles I feel frustrated whenever they vent about issues that realistically do not seem as bad, I need to change and I don't know how to. The thought of CTB is higher than ever I just want to be at peace.

 

[Rack.-]

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I am struggling so much, my thoughts are so dark and it is so hard to carry in pretending to happy, a good friend and a good partner. I feel guilty every waking thought I have is filled with hatered and violence and it's been like this since I was little. It's so hard to work a full time job where I'm out the house 12 hours a day 5 days a week. My mind is plagued with suicide I don't know what to do, I've fallen back into harming myself after being clean for nearly two years everything just sucks. I feel selfish whenever my friends vent about me with their issues I cannot help it but I genuinely cannot understand their struggles I feel frustrated whenever they vent about issues that realistically do not seem as bad, I need to change and I don't know how to. The thought of CTB is higher than ever I just want to be at peace.

Heyo I'm sorry you are feeling like that. I'm here if you need someone to talk to *hug* *hug*

 

[manuel1056x]

I feel the same. Especially the part with self harming. I also was clean, and had start again with that. So, I don't know if I can give you an good advice. I personally try to be productive every day as much as possible. I make a to do list. It is not easy, but it distracts me form the dark thoughts, not from all of course. Try also not to question yourself as much as possible. You are not that bad as you maybe think. To change you self is hard. And also painful. Try to start with little things.

That's my thoughts from my experiences that I had about that. It's only my opinion. And I'm not sure, if this works because, I did this things and still feel awful, but we are in different situations. Don't give up hope. I'm sure that you will find the right way. I hope you will find happiness!!