GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
Many of us here on SS are isolated. We have been shunned, or people in our lives don't hear us because of their own filters.
I don't have children to pass on life learnings. I don't have anyone in my life who doesn't have distorting filters. But at least I know that here someone may want to listen and may want the benefit.
What life lessons would you want to pass on to others?
_______________________
I'll start. I found it helpful to list them as a one-stop reference for as long as I'm still alive. And as long as I'm alive, I may benefit from the lessons someone else posts.
• Never take responsibility for the things others do to you, nor make them own what you do to them.
• Respect and stand up for yourself, even if you think you don't deserve it. The more you practice this, the more you'll realize you do deserve it.
• Respect those who respectfully stand up to you.
• If someone pushes your buttons, whenever you can, use life's ignore button on them.
• Forgive yourself, especially for what you don't know and what you had no way of knowing. Benefit yourself and others by moving forward, having learned and grown; no one benefits if you condemn yourself to staying stuck in the prison of past deeds.
• Guilt is an anchor that greatly slows forward movement.
• It is difficult to find happiness in ourselves, and almost impossible to find it elsewhere.
• Kindness should fill you up. If you feel drained, it isn't kindness.
• Always listen to and trust your gut. It is one of human biology's greatest gifts. Red flags say quickly self-protect and, whenever possible, disengage. Red flags do not have to be understood, and they NEVER have to be justified.
• Learn, without self-condemnation, from the times you did not trust your gut or red flags so that they can serve you in the future. They are always your right.
• Learn manipulation tactics so you can recognize them and more effectively protect your boundaries. There will always be someone who consciously or unconsciously resists others' boundaries for their own benefit.
• Be aware of the vampires who feed off genuine need and altruistic intentions.
• Recognize when you're making excuses for someone's bad behavior. They rely on you to allow it to keep going.
• Change usually happens because the pain of not changing becomes greater than the pain of change.
• Experience the joys of practicing healthy boundaries, first for yourself, then reciprocally. Recognize what does and does not belong in your yard.
• The safest and most worthy people to have in your life are those who respect and love your boundaries.
• Define yourself and your experiences. Don't allow others to define you; do allow others to define themselves.
• The best leaders are open to criticism, know their responsibility is to serve those they lead, and know the privileged burden to lead can at any time be taken from them.
• Find and practice a personal ethic like the Five Precepts of Buddhism. This gives others the gift of freedom from harm, and keeps you out of much avoidable trouble.
• Emotions encourage awareness and compel us to next actions. Once we have attained satisfaction, we have to consciously work to remain satisfied, or seek new satisfaction.
• If you have a problem with someone, rather than staying angry and impotent, try to use your reason to appeal to theirs. If they have bad breath and body odor, tell them so they can fix that shit.
• Associating with those who don't share your values and aspirations is like lying on a cliff and trying to pull them up with one hand. It is far more likely they will pull you down, and you might crash even lower than where they are. If they desire the summit, they have to learn the skills and make the effort to climb it themselves.
• Invest back into yourself what you gain in life instead of blowing it on slot-machining (use the forum search if you don't know what this means and wish to).
• Like and love yourself. Others will be more likely to follow your example and treat you well, but if they don't or won't, fuck 'em; you'll be in excellent company with yourself.
I don't have children to pass on life learnings. I don't have anyone in my life who doesn't have distorting filters. But at least I know that here someone may want to listen and may want the benefit.
What life lessons would you want to pass on to others?
_______________________
I'll start. I found it helpful to list them as a one-stop reference for as long as I'm still alive. And as long as I'm alive, I may benefit from the lessons someone else posts.
• Never take responsibility for the things others do to you, nor make them own what you do to them.
• Respect and stand up for yourself, even if you think you don't deserve it. The more you practice this, the more you'll realize you do deserve it.
• Respect those who respectfully stand up to you.
• If someone pushes your buttons, whenever you can, use life's ignore button on them.
• Forgive yourself, especially for what you don't know and what you had no way of knowing. Benefit yourself and others by moving forward, having learned and grown; no one benefits if you condemn yourself to staying stuck in the prison of past deeds.
• Guilt is an anchor that greatly slows forward movement.
• It is difficult to find happiness in ourselves, and almost impossible to find it elsewhere.
• Kindness should fill you up. If you feel drained, it isn't kindness.
• Always listen to and trust your gut. It is one of human biology's greatest gifts. Red flags say quickly self-protect and, whenever possible, disengage. Red flags do not have to be understood, and they NEVER have to be justified.
• Learn, without self-condemnation, from the times you did not trust your gut or red flags so that they can serve you in the future. They are always your right.
• Learn manipulation tactics so you can recognize them and more effectively protect your boundaries. There will always be someone who consciously or unconsciously resists others' boundaries for their own benefit.
• Be aware of the vampires who feed off genuine need and altruistic intentions.
• Recognize when you're making excuses for someone's bad behavior. They rely on you to allow it to keep going.
• Change usually happens because the pain of not changing becomes greater than the pain of change.
• Experience the joys of practicing healthy boundaries, first for yourself, then reciprocally. Recognize what does and does not belong in your yard.
• The safest and most worthy people to have in your life are those who respect and love your boundaries.
• Define yourself and your experiences. Don't allow others to define you; do allow others to define themselves.
• The best leaders are open to criticism, know their responsibility is to serve those they lead, and know the privileged burden to lead can at any time be taken from them.
• Find and practice a personal ethic like the Five Precepts of Buddhism. This gives others the gift of freedom from harm, and keeps you out of much avoidable trouble.
• Emotions encourage awareness and compel us to next actions. Once we have attained satisfaction, we have to consciously work to remain satisfied, or seek new satisfaction.
• If you have a problem with someone, rather than staying angry and impotent, try to use your reason to appeal to theirs. If they have bad breath and body odor, tell them so they can fix that shit.
• Associating with those who don't share your values and aspirations is like lying on a cliff and trying to pull them up with one hand. It is far more likely they will pull you down, and you might crash even lower than where they are. If they desire the summit, they have to learn the skills and make the effort to climb it themselves.
• Invest back into yourself what you gain in life instead of blowing it on slot-machining (use the forum search if you don't know what this means and wish to).
• Like and love yourself. Others will be more likely to follow your example and treat you well, but if they don't or won't, fuck 'em; you'll be in excellent company with yourself.
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