Venting life isn't worth living when you have autism

[m1santhr0p3]

what the title says. i'm so tired of being alive knowing i have no future because of my autism. i'll never work, and you need to work to live. i'll be dependent on my family for the rest of my life. either that or homeless. i'm useless. all the older people with stable jobs who try to reassure me aren't like me at all. they barely need any support. i'm considered low support needs yet i'm fucking worthless. they'll never understand what it's like to be worthless. they just struggled in school a little bit. they don't know what it's like to be me, without a future. i've known it since i was 12, i have nothing to look forward to.

EDIT: I'M NOT HERE TO BE CONVINCED THERE'S HOPE CUZ THERE FUCKING ISN'T. THERE ARE NO OPTIONS FOR ME. NOTHING.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I have autism too. It cripples my perspective and my ability to reason clearly. It almost seems like I have an IQ of 80 because of it. I could never work, the struggle would be too real. Instead, I live in a special program for people who have developmental delays. I'm also considered a low support needs, and I feel bloody worthless as well. I have no future at all, because there's nothing I can do with my life that I'm able at doing. I've tried writing, drawing, sculpting with software, studying, and maths.... yet I did not succeed at any of them. There's nothing for me. What cuts even deeper is seeing other autistic people become successful and it makes you feel all alone, like you're the problem.

 

[openBottomJeans]

I know exactly how you feel. Oh how I wish I could hug you.

That's been a gigantic burden on me

I know I will never be able to hold another job, and so I refuse to be a burden on people!
Like I am now…. Staying with my best friend, on the run from the law ……

This world was never meant for people like me


//us//

 

[painfully]

There are some jobs that maybe you could do... I studied something and landed a good office job that lets me live. There are other jobs that are normal, but I wouldnt be able to do ever, and would probably make me to kill myself in a ver short time. Things like working in retail, waiter, in a restaurant, etc. Although I wouldnt even pass the interview either.

 

[m1santhr0p3]

There are some jobs that maybe you could do... I studied something and landed a good office job that lets me live. There are other jobs that are normal, but I wouldnt be able to do ever, and would probably make me to kill myself in a ver short time. Things like working in retail, waiter, in a restaurant, etc. Although I wouldnt even pass the interview either.

I'm the world's most un-hireable person. When I was 17 (i say as if that wasn't literally last month, my birthday was yesterday) I had to do this like. Interview skills summer camp. Where basically they taught us how to do job interviews. On the first day they had us write down the traits we have that employers look for, they gave us an example list. None of those traits apply to me. I'm not resilient, I'm not hardworking, I'm not optimistic. At the end of it we did mock interviews, the interviewers would grade us on how we did. I did HORRIBLY. I mumbled, I fidgeted, I couldn't even look them in the eyes. They tried to reassure me that I did as good as I can. BULLSHIT!!! It wasn't up to standard, so it was bad. "Doing my best" isn't gonna fucking fly in the real world.
I don't even try to get employed because I already know what's gonna happen.

 

[alwaysalone]

I'm the world's most un-hireable person. When I was 17 (i say as if that wasn't literally last month, my birthday was yesterday) I had to do this like. Interview skills summer camp. Where basically they taught us how to do job interviews. On the first day they had us write down the traits we have that employers look for, they gave us an example list. None of those traits apply to me. I'm not resilient, I'm not hardworking, I'm not optimistic. At the end of it we did mock interviews, the interviewers would grade us on how we did. I did HORRIBLY. I mumbled, I fidgeted, I couldn't even look them in the eyes. They tried to reassure me that I did as good as I can. BULLSHIT!!! It wasn't up to standard, so it was bad. "Doing my best" isn't gonna fucking fly in the real world.
I don't even try to get employed because I already know what's gonna happen.

I'm not trying to be rude. Just an idea. My ex sister in law was challenged. I don't know exact details (autism wasn't a thing really like it is now) but she was mentally and emotionally challenged. She worked at a facility for people with special needs. She made good money too. All this to day maybe there's something like that around you.

 

[m1santhr0p3]

I'm not trying to be rude. Just an idea. My ex sister in law was challenged. I don't know exact details (autism wasn't a thing really like it is now) but she was mentally and emotionally challenged. She worked at a facility for people with special needs. She made good money too. All this to day maybe there's something like that around you.

Everything overstimulates and overwhelms me. Especially others with special needs. Nothing is an option for me.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

You and me both

 

[Remina]

I'm going through this too. My family has been pushing me to get a job ever since I turned 18. I also knew I was doomed from around the age of 10. Despite this, I managed to get a job when I was 19 and it made me wanna kill myself. Bully manager always berating me for my attempts at doing things I was never taught to do, micromanagement, and customers who made me have a meltdown on the job. I quit 6 months in, and I have been a hikikomori leech ever since. Even the love of my life starts berating me when it comes to my unemployment, but I can't lie to myself and say I can live like that. I just can't do it. Everyone tells me that it's not a big deal, and everyone seems to get jobs easily and even quit when they get tired and find a new job. It boggles my mind.

 

[genie]

Hey bud, I actually found life worth living more when I got my autism diagnosis. I fully embraced it. It gave me clarity over why I hate noise, crowds and avoid social situations. Also I have never cared for work, why play a part in a system I hate and treats neurodiverse people like outcasts.

 

[m1santhr0p3]

Hey bud, I actually found life worth living more when I got my autism diagnosis. I fully embraced it. It gave me clarity over why I hate noise, crowds and avoid social situations. Also I have never cared for work, why play a part in a system I hate and treats neurodiverse people like outcasts.

you can't fully embrace autism in this world. you can't just CHOOSE to not work or take part in society. you need work to get money, and money is the only way for anybody to live any sort of life. you either work or die. that's it. those are your only options.

 

[IsThisEverything]

I know how you feel. I'm also autistic and I've tried and failed at several jobs. This world was not made for people like us. :(

 

[genie]

you can't fully embrace autism in this world. you can't just CHOOSE to not work or take part in society. you need work to get money, and money is the only way for anybody to live any sort of life. you either work or die. that's it. those are your only options.

I'm on welfare. One of the only good things about the UK.

 

[Wolf Girl]

you can't fully embrace autism in this world. you can't just CHOOSE to not work or take part in society. you need work to get money, and money is the only way for anybody to live any sort of life. you either work or die. that's it. those are your only options.

Do you live in a country with no services for disabled people? I have autism and I qualify for my state's developmental disability services here in the USA. I'm also applying for SSI/SSDI which is monthly payments.

 

[TheEmptyVoid]

what the title says. i'm so tired of being alive knowing i have no future because of my autism. i'll never work, and you need to work to live. i'll be dependent on my family for the rest of my life. either that or homeless. i'm useless. all the older people with stable jobs who try to reassure me aren't like me at all. they barely need any support. i'm considered low support needs yet i'm fucking worthless. they'll never understand what it's like to be worthless. they just struggled in school a little bit. they don't know what it's like to be me, without a future. i've known it since i was 12, i have nothing to look forward to.

I also have autism, but also ADHD and OCD

 

[m1santhr0p3]

Do you live in a country with no services for disabled people? I have autism and I qualify for my state's developmental disability services here in the USA. I'm also applying for SSI/SSDI which is monthly payments.

Disability services aren't gonna exist in the USA (my country) in the future. I know that for sure. Plus it's also not enough to live on.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I have autism, and can understand that many others with it want to CTB...tho the statement of "life isn't worth living when you have autism" doesn't always apply, sometimes I have CTB wishes, sometimes not.

The broadness of the statement kinda made me want to comment my reply tho.

you can't fully embrace autism in this world. you can't just CHOOSE to not work or take part in society. you need work to get money, and money is the only way for anybody to live any sort of life. you either work or die. that's it. those are your only options.

There are options for self sustainment without further money, the Sentinel tribe isn't the only tribe who survives off non financial means. (They still 'work' to gather resources, but don't use money)

 

[orbit]

I'm autistic, probably have ADHD too but that's a 7 year wait list so we'll never know.

I'm in a programme right now at the job centre focused around helping autistic people find accommodating work.

The gist of it is, autistic people have some skills that could make us better suited for certain types of work, especially if it surrounds our special interests.

For example: My special interest is tech and video game related stuff, it changes every few months but it's always under that category. I'm shit with people and managing myself, but I'm great at following instructions exactly how they are and I'm an analytical thinker and pay attention to detail. So the type of job I'm going to go for is some sort of data entry job or quality assurance job. I don't have to deal with the stuff I'm bad at and I'm able to focus on what I'm good at. Granted, there's the issue of getting the job in the first place and having the capability to stick with that job- but your skills are useful somewhere. Everyone has something to offer this world, you've just gotta find your thing autism or not. (not in a super pro life kind of way don't take me wrong)

You don't even have to work full time, it's not an all or nothing kind of thing. The government would much rather you work a little and be healthy then have to pay you the full unemployment benefits and the healthcare expenses if you get sick from working too much. Anything is better then nothing right?

Have you considered assisted living? I'm not sure what country you're in, but in the UK the government may pay for a group home for you to live in where you are given some independence with the support of a carer. It might be a way to be less reliant on family if you're worried about that. If you haven't applied for disability benefits already make sure you do that, it'll lighten the load on you.

I feel the same way as you a lot of the time, I'm in a similar position. I worked part time which was like 6 hours a week and couldn't handle it. It's tough but we do what we can with what we have.

 

[m1santhr0p3]

I'm autistic, probably have ADHD too but that's a 7 year wait list so we'll never know.

I'm in a programme right now at the job centre focused around helping autistic people find accommodating work.

The gist of it is, autistic people have some skills that could make us better suited for certain types of work, especially if it surrounds our special interests.

For example: My special interest is tech and video game related stuff, it changes every few months but it's always under that category. I'm shit with people and managing myself, but I'm great at following instructions exactly how they are and I'm an analytical thinker and pay attention to detail. So the type of job I'm going to go for is some sort of data entry job or quality assurance job. I don't have to deal with the stuff I'm bad at and I'm able to focus on what I'm good at. Granted, there's the issue of getting the job in the first place and having the capability to stick with that job- but your skills are useful somewhere. Everyone has something to offer this world, you've just gotta find your thing autism or not. (not in a super pro life kind of way don't take me wrong)

You don't even have to work full time, it's not an all or nothing kind of thing. The government would much rather you work a little and be healthy then have to pay you the full unemployment benefits and the healthcare expenses if you get sick from working too much. Anything is better then nothing right?

Have you considered assisted living? I'm not sure what country you're in, but in the UK the government may pay for a group home for you to live in where you are given some independence with the support of a carer. It might be a way to be less reliant on family if you're worried about that. If you haven't applied for disability benefits already make sure you do that, it'll lighten the load on you.

I feel the same way as you a lot of the time, I'm in a similar position. I worked part time which was like 6 hours a week and couldn't handle it. It's tough but we do what we can with what we have.

I have no useful skills and I'd rather be skinned alive than do assisted living.
You absolutely do need to work full time. The government wants you to work yourself to the bone. They don't give a fuck about you.

There are options for self sustainment without further money, the Sentinel tribe isn't the only tribe who survives off non financial means. (They still 'work' to gather resources, but don't use money)

No, no there are not. And there never will be. This is the real world, not a fantasy. Jesus Christ I thought this was the CTB website not the pro-life website.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I have no useful skills and I'd rather be skinned alive than do assisted living.
You absolutely do need to work full time. The government wants you to work yourself to the bone. They don't give a fuck about you.

No, no there are not. And there never will be. This is the real world, not a fantasy. Jesus Christ I thought this was the CTB website not the pro-life website.

Sorry for the experiences, just because the Sentinel tribe is still around doesn't mean that they have to be followed.

Edit: op skip reading my comment since I didn't see the bold update

----skip from here----
There are people who manage to work casual (part time) jobs, tho yes, even I wonder how they do it, not sure how much help will be needed for me to end up working, tho I'm still trying to study where I can, yes i had to redo courses.

 

[stink144]

I relate so hard, anyone here wanna talk? My discord is stink144

 

[Wolf Girl]

No, no there are not. And there never will be. This is the real world, not a fantasy. Jesus Christ I thought this was the CTB website not the pro-life website.

It's a pro-choice website, not a pro-suicide website. When you come in with this very dramatic, crisis-y black and white thinking then, yes, older people are going to try to help you calm down and think things through.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

I'm on welfare. One of the only good things about the UK.

Lucky. Here in the US you have to place yourself in to a position of enforced poverty and cannot have too much money in your savings just for the chance of getting a check every month that is an order of magnitude below living wage. More budget cuts to disability pay are happening under the current government. If you are disabled here you are treated like less than dirt, you will basically be told to die. The current government would want nothing more than for all the disabled folk to kill themselves. Yet SN and this forum are the problem.

 

[Tired_of_myself]

I relate , I have shitty job just to pretend I'm not useless

 

[orbit]

I have no useful skills and I'd rather be skinned alive than do assisted living.
You absolutely do need to work full time. The government wants you to work yourself to the bone. They don't give a fuck about you.

No, no there are not. And there never will be. This is the real world, not a fantasy. Jesus Christ I thought this was the CTB website not the pro-life website.

I can't speak for your government or situation, but at least with my personal circumstances the DWP is wanting me to work part time and claim low capability to work benefits, so I don't ever have to work full time if I'm too unwell to do so. It's like a payment that bridges the gap so I still have enough money to live despite not working full time.

I apologise if I came across as preachy or insensitive, I was just unloading the stuff that's been/being put in place for me and wondering if you could find similar support. I suppose I am quite lucky and privileged to be receiving this in the first place and it probably comes across quite tone deaf? If that's the word.

 

[compulsoryaliveness]

I understand. I'm in my late 30s, autistic, and it's been a fucking slog to survive this long. A lot of that is about poverty.

I have tried many strategies to survive financially, but none of them ever last. Currently unemployed, living with one other person in an apartment, and on welfare. The payments aren't enough to pay rent, bills and eat. So every week is difficult.

I think people who haven't had to face this threat - the kind where you financially have no independence, or in my case, where you just have no finances at all - do not understand how much that is part of wanting to die. Imagine wanting to die, being unemployable, and then having to spend all day trying to do physical, social and creative work to magically come up with enough food? It gets to the point that surviving is not worth it. Purely on financial distress alone.

And yeah, it adds up over time.

The only stupid positive thing I will say, and I only say this because I do understand, is the western world is clearly crumbling. It is weirdly likely that you won't be alone in this experience very soon. That many people who would ordinarily be employable (granted, a lot of them in shit paid, barely surviving jobs) are going to be facing this problem. And whenever there's mass loss like that, more communal strategies appear. So that means more places where people are giving out food for free (not through a charity, but collective effort of regular people), more sharing, less weight on those of us who are too fucked to function. It's the silver lining of the end of the welfare state.

In places in the world, and throughout history, too much poverty in a group of people leads to more collective cultures. And those social set ups make far more sense for people like us.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I'm autistic as well. Although, I don't think this life is worth living... PERIOD. Humans pay to exist. And there are people on here crying about not being 'normal.' This life is nothing short of a parasitic hellscape that feeds on souls while trying to find meaning for itself. But, yes, I feel your pain.

 

[m1santhr0p3]

It's a pro-choice website, not a pro-suicide website. When you come in with this very dramatic, crisis-y black and white thinking then, yes, older people are going to try to help you calm down and think things through.

I am not being fucking dramatic this is just how the world is. It's all horrible and it's never getting better.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I am not being fucking dramatic this is just how the world is. It's all horrible and it's never getting better.

not sure about 'never' getting better, but yes, it is quite tricky for the world to improve.

And yes, I sometimes think of doing [method] when quite annoyed with something, tho after a bit the desire fades. Would be nice if the situations that drive CTB wishes were rarer