Venting Life is unbearable when you're a NPC

[HeavenOnlyKnows]

Sometimes on social media people discuss "main character syndrome," where someone is so full of themselves that they believe that everyone is obsessed with them and their perspective on every little thing. I have the opposite: non-playable character (NPC) syndrome. I only exist as long as the main character is directly looking at me and needs me to furnish some superficial characterization for their own benefit. Then, once they rush off on another adventure, I fade back into the noise of the game's code.

If I thought I was the MC then every problem would be surmountable because I'd be guaranteed justice and a "happily ever after". Games are usually meritocracies: If you follow the directions you'll eventually win. But that has never been my life. I'm currently facing the possibility of falling into poverty because of the pandemic/inflation/housing crisis and I keep thinking, "well maybe I should just stand up to the crooks and then they'll be forced to help me." Except no, that would depend on my voice mattering. People like me don't effect meaningful change either for themselves or others; we go along with the current because we don't have the roots to keep us firmly connected to the ground. I want to die but I don't have access to the prescription medication I need. So here I am, waiting for life to take me out naturally to further the plot. It's been a very long wait. I'm tired.

 

[Marine]

I feel you. These are thoughts I've often had, No one is an NPC. We all matter and should all be able to become MC.

Meaninful change always starts on a local level so technically we should all be able to influence things for the better just by being the best person we can be and self expressing in our own unique way we contribute to the greater good.

I just watched an interesting Ted Talk today about the connectedness of everything, he only mentioned the physical level but even just that was fascinating. I link it to other videos I watched earlier about how totalitarian regimes are overthrown. It always starts with people taking local intiatives, working on their own small scale. When enough people come together on a local scale it becomes big enough to change everything globally as the old system collapses on itself since everyone stops feeding it.

I would like to become my own main character too. Starting by trying to develop grounding.

 

[rationaltake]

This describes my situation perfectly. My disappearance from the world would be almost entirely unnoticed.

 

[Cosmic dust]

I worked on social work/social service/social assistance field for a while, on the preventive side of things there was this interesting concept about helping people "overcome social vulnerabilities, empower themselves and become the protagonists of their own lives", between other things.

This part always got my attention, apparently its common for people to feel like a NPC, even if they never played a videogame.

Too bad social work is a fucking joke, especially in a third world country like mine, despite all the wonderful theory and legislation that already exists, politicians and poor administration makes it 95% about just giving food to the poor and caring only about financial poverty, only ever treating the symptoms of said economical poverty, without ever paying attention to the causes.

Worked there for 5 years, with no social life and very apparently emotional and mental health issues, saw nothing there that could ever help me, even though there should already be programs aimed at young people of my age group and people with different vulnerabilities, acording with the theory and the norms. Also no one of my coworkers ever cared.

 

[HeavenOnlyKnows]

I feel you. These are thoughts I've often had, No one is an NPC. We all matter and should all be able to become MC.

Meaninful change always starts on a local level so technically we should all be able to influence things for the better just by being the best person we can be and self expressing in our own unique way we contribute to the greater good.

This is usually how I try to operate: leaving the world in a better state than I found it, etc. But it's really hard to qualify and quantify the effect of small, local actions. Do they serve as a catalyst for positive change, do they actually hurt more than help, or are they just more noise? There's no way to truly know except in hindsight, and that's why depression is so seductive. I crave stability and the world can't give that to me. I really don't think it's possible to undo decades worth of conditioning in that regard. I wish you all the best in your goal of staying grounded.

 

[Marine]

This is usually how I try to operate: leaving the world in a better state than I found it, etc. But it's really hard to qualify and quantify the effect of small, local actions. Do they serve as a catalyst for positive change, do they actually hurt more than help, or are they just more noise? There's no way to truly know except in hindsight, and that's why depression is so seductive. I crave stability and the world can't give that to me. I really don't think it's possible to undo decades worth of conditioning in that regard. I wish you all the best in your goal of staying grounded.

If you're genuinely trying to be the best human being you can and spread love and kindness around you, there's no way you wouldn't do good even if you can't see the effects of that immediately. Same goes for positive initiatives. The only obstacle I've found that I'm trying to overcome is actually connecting substantially with people and uniting. Substantial bonds are the only real safety in my opinion.

I'm not grounded yet but since I've found that video that talks about how it's a daily practice and a way to overcome trauma I'm going to try again.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand the feeling of being tired of everything. I'm sorry that you are in this situation. This life is just so depressing and unfair. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever you decide to do.