Venting Life is so fucking confusing. I hate myself for being born

[markimobzzdeasui]

Everything is confusing and illusionary in this world and existence. Miseries,pain, hypocrisies,hope,passion, truth,empathy, genocide etc are all intertwined into existence right from the very start. No wonder humans cling onto false beliefs and religions so much, even when faced with truths about the reality.
Sometimes I feel that hoping that death will be the end and that all of it was just a meaningless random event, is also some sort of psychological defense mechanism and delusion I use to ease the pain inside me. Even dying isn't easy.
It just gets worse and worse. Can never understand rationally why I was born and who the hell am I.
Just wish I had some death button I could press and leave from here forever through my complete annihilation.
Sorry for venting.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also hate existence, life is just pain for no purpose, we suffer and struggle so much all for the sake of it. This is why the thought of non existence comforts me so much, I believe that there is nothing after this, when we cease to exist, that is it for us we are gone. I also wish that it is easier to leave, we have already suffered so much in life so we should not have to suffer in finding ways to exit. It is all extremely unfair and all that I want is to be gone.

 

[keitaro]

"Life is so fucking confusing." it certainly is. i often feel overwhelmed.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I feel you. I've never known how to take life-how much are you supposed to think about the past? How long should you grieve for? How bad should you feel about others suffering? When to move on from a relationship? And then the majority of people seem to have the answers or will just say "life goes on" or "death is a natural part of life" or "everything changes" but that just seems to make anything that happened in the past pointless. I guess I see things in black and white, always have and it wont change.

 

[PainAndSadness]

Everything is confusing and illusionary in this world and existence. Miseries,pain, hypocrisies,hope,passion, truth,empathy, genocide etc are all intertwined into existence right from the very start. No wonder humans cling onto false beliefs and religions so much, even when faced with truths about the reality.
Sometimes I feel that hoping that death will be the end and that all of it was just a meaningless random event, is also some sort of psychological defense mechanism and delusion I use to ease the pain inside me. Even dying isn't easy.
It just gets worse and worse. Can never understand rationally why I was born and who the hell am I.
Just wish I had some death button I could press and leave from here forever through my complete annihilation.

Seriously, I was born for nothing. Just to suffer and die.

 

[Darkover]

imagine that just bought alive to suffer and die a random one time event

 

[makethepainstop]

I have heard of people speaking about karma. So, I'm wondering if we have killed another in a previous life....perhaps in this life, we are expected to CTB, to balance the equation?!! Karma types feel that if you do something bad you must pay for it, in one life or another. So that could be the reason we all have such desires, maybe we have to CTB to pay the karmic debt?!! Love and hugs to all of my friends here.

 

[Darkover]

karma isn't real its a new start or the void for eternity, you could just kill everyone then there would be nothing left to suffer, this is a shitty universe where evil ultimately wins

 

[theboy]

me too
I should never have been born

 

[Cerulea]

I vividly recall a conversation with my mother regarding her motivation for having children. She had a hard life - one scarred by abuse and broken trust everywhere she went. She told me to my face that she had children so that someone, anyone would love her. She never thought about her children as independent beings. We were forced into an existence that we did not ask for and were not taught how to navigate. None of us, her included, were ever set up to succeed. But to be told that you were created for the service of someone else - how could ever give yourself value outside of that? How do you become who YOU are when someone else very much had a purpose for bringing you here? I've struggled with this often.

I hear your confusion and pain and search for answers. So much of that is something you'll have to define for yourself, unfortunately. There is no disputing that there is suffering for everyone in this life. A lot of it is avoidable. That adds to the confusion, I imagine. None of us are given a thorough and accurate guide book on how to be here "properly."

There's no need to apologize for expressing yourself. We're all here to do that in some fashion or another. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and contributing to the community we all need as well. We're here to talk with you should you need or want it. Please be kind to yourself and take care of yourself as much as you can along the way.

 

[Finding Sirius]

I have heard of people speaking about karma. So, I'm wondering if we have killed another in a previous life....perhaps in this life, we are expected to CTB, to balance the equation?!! Karma types feel that if you do something bad you must pay for it, in one life or another. So that could be the reason we all have such desires, maybe we have to CTB to pay the karmic debt?!! Love and hugs to all of my friends here.

"Karmic debt" (chuckle) is a scam. If you buy into it you will keep coming back here again and again because you will always have acts you must "atone for". From my experience karma works the opposite of how its advertised. The kinder and purer you are in your interactions with others, the worse off you are.

 

[OceanBlue]

Just wish I had some death button I could press and leave from here forever through my complete annihilation.

Same, I'm tired of having thoughts, worrying about things I can't change, it's pure agony.

Sometimes I imagine pressing that button.
Instead they're making me plan my unpeaceful death in secret.