annoyed
Member
- Oct 19, 2024
- 32
i can't invest time into myself because i'm worried about everything and everyone else. i don't know what's healthy for me because i've lost myself in other people. i'm too scared to date someone because i feel like i won't be enough, every guy has just left me or cheated on me so the point seems useless. i cant heal myself if i can't talk to a professional about any of this, i freeze up every appointment. if i copy paste a thread i've posted on here and let her read it they would probably send me to the hospital again and i don't want to go back. i find myself using porn and drugs to feel better after slight inconveniences because i think about them for too long of portions for the day. everything is so hard, i don't care for my life anymore. i hope when i die it's black with no feeling, a permanent void where i can't think or do anything. i've recently relapsed so i can stop dissociating into my own maladaptive thoughts, trying to wake myself up constantly is starting to hurt and i can't bare to look at my skin because it looks so ugly what im doing to myself but i can't fucking help it. i just want to die peacefully and be gone from this. im sorry i know it's a vent post i just feel terrible for yapping i needed to get it out really badly,. i hope your day is good today, you're amazing.
