Venting Life is not satisfying

[demuic]

I'm tired. I'm really going insane. It feels like I'm stuck in a time loop, groundhog's day. The same shit happens over and over again. Pushing things to the next day and then the next day. Nothing ever changes. If it does, it's only for the worst.

I have nothing to do. Nothing entertains me. I collect so many video games and read so many stories every day to pass the time, and as escapism, but it's always onto the next new shiny thing without any satisfaction gained from the last. I rarely finish things as I tend to lose energy or interest and I always have to find something else to capture my attention. There is one video game I would truly like to finish before I ctb, but that's about it. The rest is just to distract me until I go.

I hate how there is no true satisfaction to be gained from anything. It is all fleeting. Happiness seems to last an instant, while boredom and misery last forever. I've always being chronically bored, even before I became truly depressed in my early teens.

There are many things I know will never go away and this feeling is one of them.

Everything is just passing time and it's worthless. Just doing something to have something to do. How is that meaningful? What's the point?

We're all just biological machines to evolved to survive long enough to pass on our genes. Any purpose or meaning outside of that is something humans have invented to justify prolonging their stay on this hell world, and to run away from their fear of death.

People want to stay alive because they have attachments to something here on earth. Over time, any attachments I had have been destroyed. I think this is something that has to happen if you have strong si preventing you from ctb.

There's nothing for me to live for. I don't want to do anything. I can't do anything that I used to want. I barely want to make plans to deal with my health problems because I don't want to be alive. Every moment of existence is painful for me. I hate humans and I hate the universe. There is nothing to look forward to. There is nothing in my future.

To me, this makes death an easy choice. It's simply a matter of when, not if.

 

[Sherri]

I agree with you. I believe even the people who don't struggle like us feel the same, this emptiness like something is missing and we don't know what it is, this virus getting everyone scared, not me, people are loosing their freedom in some countries. For me life is just about bearable.

 

[4eyebiped]

Life is a dull grey for me now, more so a dark incoherent smear without any clarity or detail. Trying to pass time throughout the day is a chore greater than the worst of jobs, as like you, nothing entertains me but instead begins to annoy and inconvenience me. The downside is by the time evening gets here, you blink and morning is served up like a bad rotted breakfast in bed for you to repeat over again. With that said, if I had a companion, it would be completely different. I hate that I have that reliance on needing to have someone in my life, but it is part of our biological programming and someone went way overboard with this particular code for me. Give me someone to adore and you will read a completely different paragraph full of vibrant color, adventure, knowledge seeking and love.

I exist now only because of sourness.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I have never wanted to be alive. I have never quite understood people who enjoyed life. Life is basically just passing time until we finally die. Our only true purpose is to die and everything we do is just a distraction. I have no interest in living. As well as life being tedious and boring the thing that bothers me is the extreme potential for suffering, there is no limit as to how bad things can get. I see people who want to live as being delusional. It is painful living an empty existence. I see wanting suicide as being rational when you come to the conclusion that your life is not worth living. More than anything I wish I was never born. To never exist means to never suffer. I hope you find peace.

 

[mlha]

Our only true purpose is to die

That doesn't sound like a purpose to me, I'd say there is no purpose.

 

[Green Destiny]

I'm in a similar situation in terms of doing meaningless tasks to pass the time for the escapism it brings me. I buy and play video games that don't really bring me joy or happiness and read a bunch of stories that never truly satisfy me.

 

[Darkover]

i'm bored most of the time i just smooke weed, there just not that much quality information out there the mainstream is a mostly bollocks, i'm waiting for super intelligent machines to arrive maybe they will be able to entertain me and teach me things i never know that are interesting, most of the new music is borning same with films.

 

[Insomniac]

Happiness seems to last an instant, while boredom and misery last forever.

is this sentence too short for a suicide note.

i'm bored most of the time i just smooke weed

same kinda. I used to just combine wine + benzos to kill time.

but it has gotten to the point where the sensation of being drunk/high was irritating and getting on my nerves, so I had to stop.

Nowadays, I spend most of my time contemplating.

 

[Midgardsorm]

@demuic

I relate a lot with your posts. And not because you like playing games as much as I do, but because of exactly what you said:

"Happiness lasts for an instant, while boredom and misery lasts forever"

In the end we are empty shells, what we do is what fill us with something like joy. However, we can only do things for so long. We get tired, we get old.

Also happiness seems to be like a medicine. The more you use it, less effective I gets.

People have connections for that reason. They create friendship and have family.
But do some of us, we were not fortunate to have this in our life and this things tend to come with a little game that's not the ones we like. It's stupid and cruel.

We really should be able to choose to live or not and to die whenever we wish.
This world feels like a prison.

 

[Niirvana]

I was lying on the bed thinking the same thing, I feel that I was always the same, and that if it did not change by the age of 28, it will not change. I am no longer interested in life

 

[odradek]

I'm tired. I'm really going insane. It feels like I'm stuck in a time loop, groundhog's day. The same shit happens over and over again. Pushing things to the next day and then the next day. Nothing ever changes. If it does, it's only for the worst.

I have nothing to do. Nothing entertains me. I collect so many video games and read so many stories every day to pass the time, and as escapism, but it's always onto the next new shiny thing without any satisfaction gained from the last. I rarely finish things as I tend to lose energy or interest and I always have to find something else to capture my attention. There is one video game I would truly like to finish before I ctb, but that's about it. The rest is just to distract me until I go.

I hate how there is no true satisfaction to be gained from anything. It is all fleeting. Happiness seems to last an instant, while boredom and misery last forever. I've always being chronically bored, even before I became truly depressed in my early teens.

There are many things I know will never go away and this feeling is one of them.

Everything is just passing time and it's worthless. Just doing something to have something to do. How is that meaningful? What's the point?

We're all just biological machines to evolved to survive long enough to pass on our genes. Any purpose or meaning outside of that is something humans have invented to justify prolonging their stay on this hell world, and to run away from their fear of death.

People want to stay alive because they have attachments to something here on earth. Over time, any attachments I had have been destroyed. I think this is something that has to happen if you have strong si preventing you from ctb.

There's nothing for me to live for. I don't want to do anything. I can't do anything that I used to want. I barely want to make plans to deal with my health problems because I don't want to be alive. Every moment of existence is painful for me. I hate humans and I hate the universe. There is nothing to look forward to. There is nothing in my future.

To me, this makes death an easy choice. It's simply a matter of when, not if.

Mood.