Life is a bore

[ClairyFairy]

Nothing ever changes. All the same people doing the same horrible things to each other. I lie in bed looking at the wall or the ceiling. Hours pass and I don't even notice. I don't even care. It gets dark before I've even roused myself a little bit. I can't go anywhere in my house because I'm getting urges that I'm finding hard to control. As soon as I do something to my neck I'm done for. I'm worried about consequences. I'm worried about people finding out I can't cope. It's constant juggling with secrets and I can't stand it

 

[taylor321]

Youre a girl. You can get sex real easy and Enjoy Life. What urges btw?

The urge to stuff glue into the mouths of men that make cringey comments like the one you just made.

 

[ClairyFairy]

Youre a girl. You can get sex real easy and Enjoy Life. What urges btw?

What makes you think I want sex? I have hypersensitive genitalia that I find humiliating. So much so I don't touch myself and I don't want anyone touching me. If I could get a man (I'm gay) that would just straight up have sex with me with no emotional attachment at all maybe but men get too attached and think I'm enjoying myself when I'm not I'm serving a need. Once I have literally fucked those feelings away I don't want any sex at all.

The urges I have are to go into the kitchen and try and chop my hand off. I also want to slash at my neck with the same very super sharp utensil. I feel like I want to caurterize the wound with the lowest ring on the highest heat of the gas hob.

The urge to stuff glue into the mouths of men that make cringey comments like the one you just made.

I know they should go fuck an apple pie. Straight out the oven haha

 

[Lmd]

Are you agitated or you feel you have a lot of energy when you want to do these things? I had the same feeling some time ago and tried to self harm. It wasn't for me and didn't solve anything so I felt worse. Sometimes I felt like I was going to stab my stomach but I couldn't. The only thing that helped me was exercise until the energy left. If I wanted to do something risky or stupid I moved my body like dancing (this derived in other things like going always with music and running the entire park when before that I couldn't run more than 2 minutes) and when you move yourself at the start it sure feels stupid and you look weird but if no one is watching why not.

 

[ClairyFairy]

Are you agitated or you feel you have a lot of energy when you want to do these things? I had the same feeling some time ago and tried to self harm. It wasn't for me and didn't solve anything so I felt worse. Sometimes I felt like I was going to stab my stomach but I couldn't. The only thing that helped me was exercise until the energy left. If I wanted to do something risky or stupid I moved my body like dancing (this derived in other things like going always with music and running the entire park when before that I couldn't run more than 2 minutes) and when you move yourself at the start it sure feels stupid and you look weird but if no one is watching why not.

Have you done dbt? That sounds like something they used to say.
I feel agitated. I'm uncomfortable all the time and I'm really aware if the sensations. If I move they get worse so I end up just lying here trying to be as still as I can

 

[Lmd]

Have you done dbt? That sounds like something they used to say.
I feel agitated. I'm uncomfortable all the time and I'm really aware if the sensations. If I move they get worse so I end up just lying here trying to be as still as I can

I didn't do any therapy but I know why they say that. In my case I was so nervous that I couldn't stay on bed so it was starting a self harm route I didn't want or exhaust myself until I couldn't think about anything. It solves nothing and now I'm in a worse mental state but at least I could go through these episodes. I'm sorry you are feeling like that and I hope that you can find something to cope

 

[ClairyFairy]

I didn't do any therapy but I know why they say that. In my case I was so nervous that I couldn't stay on bed so it was starting a self harm route I didn't want or exhaust myself until I couldn't think about anything. It solves nothing and now I'm in a worse mental state but at least I could go through these episodes. I'm sorry you are feeling like that and I hope that you can find something to cope

I've been self harming for 25+ years. It's the only thing that works for more than a very short period. I burned the feelings away on Wednesday and I felt them a bit last night now it's bad again. Making my heart rate go up sometimes sets it off, tapping sets it off. Only burning stops it

Just bcuz its true doesnt mean it has to be cringe. Sex is literally the only Cure To suicidal thoughts that is not like harmful drugs

It's not true at all. You have no idea so keep your cringey, stupid mansplaining to yourself

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Well, that escalated quickly.

 

[TriggerHappy]

Oh wow, I know the feeling :: those long slow hours before dawn breaks are my insanity. I've done everything from overmedicate, to please myself, to fkg prayer. By the time I'm up I'm exhausted. And then people :: I have serial killer tendencies that I struggle with. Would love to have my own bucket of tongues.
Over 500 days of lockdown, sometimes so lonely here but I gotta work the farm.
The open space is starting to suffocate me.
Ps: sex lust relationships just make it harder, the wanting, the pleasing, the more.
Hang in there, maybe tomorrow's different, probably won't be, but wtf.

 

[ClairyFairy]

@TriggerHappy a bucket of tongues, wow

 

[lastingabyss]

Ignore the freaky sex obsessed trolls on this site, OP. I relate to you feeling like life is a bore - i cant say or do much to help your situation, but you're not alone and your feelings are valid

 

[ClairyFairy]

Ignore the freaky sex obsessed trolls on this site, OP. I relate to you feeling like life is a bore - i cant say or do much to help your situation, but you're not alone and your feelings are valid

Thank you x

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

People want to argue, scream, shout, cause trouble, Drama!, Drama!, Drama!
now are you bored?


I am.....

 

[ClairyFairy]

People want to argue, scream, shout, cause trouble, Drama!, Drama!, Drama!
now are you bored?


I am.....

Yes, I hate drama.

 

[ClairyFairy]

Tbh most grill love drama

Lucky for me I'm a middle aged woman then

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Nothing ever changes. All the same people doing the same horrible things to each other. I lie in bed looking at the wall or the ceiling. Hours pass and I don't even notice. I don't even care. It gets dark before I've even roused myself a little bit. I can't go anywhere in my house because I'm getting urges that I'm finding hard to control. As soon as I do something to my neck I'm done for. I'm worried about consequences. I'm worried about people finding out I can't cope. It's constant juggling with secrets and I can't stand it

I'm sorry, love, you're feeling so awful. I wish life had a meaning, or at least it could be meaningful for you. I hope you're feeling a little better now….

 

[insanedoomer]

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I am very tired of living and nothing ever changes for me either. Just the same miserable existence day after day and dreading the future. All I want to do is sleep to be free from it all. I wish you well.

 

[Zzzzz]

I truly consider my life to be a great burden to me. A chore. I look forward to eternal sleep.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I've took about an extra 800mg of my prrgabalom so I'm pretty chilled just bow . I hate this life. I either I had the balls to doe. I think I'm beyond what I can do to ctb. I'm so tired. My body is cramped and sore. Watching the gut die at dignitas. I watch people die all the time so I just feel a bit better. My head is a mess

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I reported the troll on here. I hope others did. I'm not going to reply to their shit. They are wrong and nuts and I hope they get banned ASAP.

I relate to what you are going through. It's the opposite of fun.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I reported the troll on here. I hope others did. I'm not going to reply to their shit. They are wrong and nuts and I hope they get banned ASAP.

I relate to what you are going through. It's the opposite of fun.

Thank you. It means a lot to me that people are replying :)

 

[Mr2005]

You think everything's a bore

 

[ClairyFairy]

You think everything's a bore

Explain yourself please

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

You think everything's a bore

What's your point/problem? Such an odd thing to say.

 

[TriggerHappy]

What the fuck. Don't we get enuff from the ignoramus out there? Got so hated by some dude at the vet yesterday (was wearing my Proud Gay Dad tshirt! Thinking of our awesome constitution vs switzerland) and got such filthy looks. I'm not a dad, I stopped it with someone on the dancefloor at pride.
So wanted to argue, but its a small town the arse quickly backed away when I came through with my pitbulls.
Why are people so stoopidly mean...not a question.

Men have come and gone but he has my ❤.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I am unravelling

What the fuck. Don't we get enuff from the ignoramus out there? Got so hated by some dude at the vet yesterday (was wearing my Proud Gay Dad tshirt! Thinking of our awesome constitution vs switzerland) and got such filthy looks. I'm not a dad, I stopped it with someone on the dancefloor at pride.
So wanted to argue, but its a small town the arse quickly backed away when I came through with my pitbulls.
Why are people so stoopidly mean...not a question.
View attachment 72628
Men have come and gone but he has my ❤.

Ahh wow he's gorgeous. Just what I needed to see x