Venting life has been about being excluded

[_Minsk]

Just realized that 5/6 of my life was about being excluded, i wish i could be part of it but meanwhile, like all time i'm just sitting here and trying not to think about shit, nearly each time i had to pass, like it feels ridiculous that I've spend most time being completely alone, hiding in my room, watching other people making fun of me. i'm not even sure anymore if its actually that i like being alone or if everything is better than being around peeps who just remind me on how much i hate my life. while others used to party back in the days till today, all weekends, or be with their friends, i was just hiding in my room. childhood was just a mess, i spend a huge amount of time on the internet, trying to find answers on how to fix myself. while others just, well, lived their life, being happy, meeting their friends, laugh and being happy with their partners. lol, its so damn painful, just saw my ex partner being happy with someone who could at least make her happy, i mean i'm glad that i got replaced and she got someone who can meet her needs and make her happy, but still its painful and hurting, i wish i could just be the one i wanted to be... i tried so hard always, especially in relationships, really, if you're happy life is not hard at all, everything goes smooth,.. i miss those days..

 

[Deleted member 19276]

"peeps who just remind me on how much i hate my life" This part of your message stood out to me the most. I can't count how many times I've went to stuff like FB to see former people I've known having a blast in their lives, having it sunshine and rainbows, kissing on the beach while I am keeping it hidden behind the gates of a mental illness. Can't experience anything, can hardly feel anything... These monsters that carry on living inside, I am thinking of teaming up with them eventually. It is brutal that you got replaced, the last part of your message... That stuff is pure nightmare to feel. And at the same time, I am happy at least you experienced something with the said ex partner. No matter how big or small.

 

[jameslb72]

THis is all about comparison, the number one stealer of joy. WHen the internet first came about ( im nearly ) 50 it was a fantastic thing, especially for research. ALso chat sites were great for making friends, even if only online, SOcial media however has turned the whole thing utterly toxic.

 

[Crazy Squirrel]

I feel ya, I've been a weirdo misfit my entire life. People just don't like me much, no idea why. Oh well. It took a long time, but I've come to accept my lot in life.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I've always been excluded in groups. Or people have gotten pissed off at me for not knowing what everyone is talking about even though none of it was discussed with me... I would have nothing to say, because I'd know nothing of what they are saying.

I feel like I just don't belong in any group fully. Nobody ever cares. This is why I spend my life online. Unfortunately it's the people with a large distance from me that actually give a damn.

Alone..

Sending you love and hugs. x

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I was a misfit too, but I was never really aware (and ignorance is bliss). I always seemed to find other misfits and that kept me going. The older I got, though, the more I saw how different I was, Ethel fewer people who really understood me. I think it boils down to finding those who get you.

SS is the first place I've really felt understood in the past year. I hope you don't feel excluded here.

 

[Crazy Squirrel]

I think it boils down to finding those who get you.

You're right, but the problem is that I'm almost never anyone's cup of tea. Even the local misfits have never wanted nothing to do with me.

I hope you don't feel excluded here.

As I said, I've more or less made peace with my apparent lot in life, but there's always hope, I suppose. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[_Minsk]

i did a personality test yesterday and it said that my type is like <1% of population, so this somehow has put me at ease because its easier to interact with similar personality types, might explain why its so hard for us to find our place in society:) finding groups who are the same p-type helps a lot i find, im in a infj group and it feels like home:3<3

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation in life. I've lead a similar life as well growing up and I've become more excluded as I've gotten older. The people who hung around with me are only doing it out of pity and sometimes even patronizing, condescending towards me (which is worse than being alone as it's mostly to feed their egos and for them to feel superior.). I hope you are able to find peace in the future.