Venting life doomed me from the start.

[wristcutangel]

the hand fate has dealt me is so bad it'd be laughable if i weren't so miserable. born into a family with a history of child marriages and incest and a history of both mental and physical health problems, in a country where mental help is next to nonexistent and an abusive family, it's like the world wanted me to kill myself. being a lesbian in a violently homophobic and misogynistic country isn't any better, being an ex-muslim places a death sentence onto my back, and my view on my gender is an absolute mess i don't even want to decipher anymore.

If that isn't enough, it has to mock me by making it impossible for me to do it too. i can't go outside, i'm under constant surveillance, the best i have is a dull blade i removed out an years old sharpener that i just continue to cut away at my arms with. my family didn't even bother with the forced positivity when they found out, they just threatened me.

it's so funny. there was nothing good about this life, and i'm now seeing that the little privilege i was granted was just life's way of further tormenting me. letting me get a taste of freedom through the internet and being deluded into thinking that a happy life was possible, it was just to show me what i'll never have. everything in my life was set up to make me miserable, and these past few days have truly made it set in.

i'll never be happy. the only happiness i'll ever have is in suicide, if i don't kill myself then someone else will murder me instead, it's just a matter of time and i want to get done with this sooner rather than later, by my own choice. i've been fighting for years, but i think i've finally realized it for good. this world is absolutely, truly irredeemable and the only purpose of my existence was pure and utter torture.

i'll make another post about plans to ctb, although i'm doubtful that my luck would ever let me carry it out. but i think i've given up for good this time.

 

[Gaga786]

the hand fate has dealt me is so bad it'd be laughable if i weren't so miserable. born into a family with a history of child marriages and incest and a history of both mental and physical health problems, in a country where mental help is next to nonexistent and an abusive family, it's like the world wanted me to kill myself. being a lesbian in a violently homophobic and misogynistic country isn't any better, being an ex-muslim places a death sentence onto my back, and my view on my gender is an absolute mess i don't even want to decipher anymore.

If that isn't enough, it has to mock me by making it impossible for me to do it too. i can't go outside, i'm under constant surveillance, the best i have is a dull blade i removed out an years old sharpener that i just continue to cut away at my arms with. my family didn't even bother with the forced positivity when they found out, they just threatened me.

it's so funny. there was nothing good about this life, and i'm now seeing that the little privilege i was granted was just life's way of further tormenting me. letting me get a taste of freedom through the internet and being deluded into thinking that a happy life was possible, it was just to show me what i'll never have. everything in my life was set up to make me miserable, and these past few days have truly made it set in.

i'll never be happy. the only happiness i'll ever have is in suicide, if i don't kill myself then someone else will murder me instead, it's just a matter of time and i want to get done with this sooner rather than later, by my own choice. i've been fighting for years, but i think i've finally realized it for good. this world is absolutely, truly irredeemable and the only purpose of my existence was pure and utter torture.

i'll make another post about plans to ctb, although i'm doubtful that my luck would ever let me carry it out. but i think i've given up for good this time.

Im sorry that you are in such a painful scenario. Im in a similar position myself, and I detest this life at this point.I really hope you find the inner peace that you yearn.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really is so horrible what you've had to go through, it disgusts me how humans create so much harm in this world. But anyway best wishes.

 

[searchingpeace]

it's like the world wanted me to kill myself.

I really felt that. Some lives are so fucking cursed. Life can just throw shit at you again and again and again until you break down and look to end it.

I have seen similar stories like yours across different platforms. Good people born into wretched, oppressive shit countries... I wish can save people like you and bring them to the US for a shot at a decent life.

Im sorry you got a bad hand in life. There is nothing wrong with you, its your environment.
If you were not under constant watch I would suggest you seek asylum in another country. I know you would definitely qualify. But you cant go outside, asylum would be impossible. Its all unfair.

 

[eashanm]

What method are you planning to use?

 

[wristcutangel]

What method are you planning to use?

nothing surefire, considering either hanging or stabbing myself in the throat. if i make it into the college i was thinking of, i might try jumping.