Venting life changes

[Rikqkard]

After my first post here I decided to not go through with it just yet to see if it's worth it, I suppose I still don't have an answer, but what I have done is change massively as a person. I went through gender panic and finally figured out I don't care about labels at all, anyone can call me anything. I went through 2 relationships, one that was treating me like shit and the other that didn't work out because of mental health issues on both sides. And now so much has changed again in the last month since that ended. I still feel like leaving, but making a solid plan helps deal with that feeling somehow. My sexuality was affirmed which was crazy to me for some reason. I'm somehow still friends with the good ex. I don't understand how so much can change yet so much stay the same. I still live with my parents. still lose massive amounts of weight for my size on a regular basis in a bad way. But still I continue for some reason looking for community online and in person. I don't understand and am very confused. I developed and beat an alcohol problem and still battle porn problems but am getting better. I just don't feel like I am the same person anymore. I'm not going anywhere with this ,just venting honestly.

 

[timf]

Your references to alcohol and porn indicate a sort of period of experimenting with self-stimulation. Sometimes people add to this various forms of stimulating ideation as well. However, many find that this path is ultimately unsatisfying. It sounds like you are looking for a path that is deeper and more fulfilling. If you feel you need more focus or discipline in you life, you might try some for of athletic exercise like tennis. If you feel you need something to take yourself out of yourself, you might try something like volunteer work.

One key to mastering changes in life is to see yourself conducting experiments to see what might be a better path. This can also help give you a sense of control as to where things are headed.